[InACorner]

All of you here are just so wonderful and lovely so i hope i dont offend anyone here....please dont get mad at me
my dad is a major alcoholic...to the point where he delivers newspapers and around 6 am gets to the bar and WAITS for the bartender to open up "shop" , he leaves around 6 pm....he took me there one time when i went to visit him..the day i got there actually....and i know now why he drinks...its because of me.... when i got there they all said so..this is the famous daughter...and started spouting off my life story with my parents divorce and how evil my mother is..blah blah blah....so i had a soda (on the house since the bartender was having an affair with my father)and stared at it while his boozing buddies breathed down my neck probably to check me out cuz their all scum....i should have known since he always calls me screaming in my voicemail about how im this or that and what ive done to him...and i hate him for it....but i have to take responsibilty ....he doesnt harass my mom anymore...and all his wives had me to inform them before they married him...i keep talking to him even after all the damage he has done to me in the last 18 years...and i see all of you working so hard and trying to be such good people....and a part of me thinks...he is still in there somewhere..dont leave just yet....(also because i just cant get over the fact that he is not the father i wanted or needed and still give him chances to do so) but is there such a thing as tooo far gone? Spending 12 hours at the bar and then come home and crack one open again...youd think he would be dead by now....but he isnt...the most terrible thing in the world was at times..i wish he were dead...i wouldnt be responsible anymore..i wouldnt be trying to be a good daughter and call the police on him (not that they believed me..i mean i guess i dont blame them) trying to get our family to realize it ...trying to get his wives (on number 6) to leave him so he doesnt abuse them...and its like im setting myself up to be alone with him...becasue im his daughter and im responsible...my mother left..it wasnt her responsiblity becasue she wasnt related to him...she was a victim ..and neither were his other wives...but i am related to him..and i dont give him excuses i tell them he is a monster..i try to save everyone else...because i have dealt with him...i am is daughter..i am apart of him..and i cant help that...and as much as i hate him i have to stay present to keep everyone else safe....and hope that maybe someday...one day....his true human nature (not the bad part) will come out from the alocholic fog and see what really is going on...but i sorta dont think he will...i know (in my heart) he has a mental illness due to lack of attention or physical touch from his mother...and he used alcohol to cover up the voices and the bad thoughts...but he never realized that it may have stiffed his thinking and those voices but they just came out physically ....and he turned out to be everything anyone could ever fear....
sorry for my rant

[DePressMe]

Hey InACorner,
My father is also a major alcoholic. The same type of stuff you have described happened to me. Eventually, I just left him—moved to another state. I decided I was a person worth more. I am not advising you to just leave your father—that is a personal thing. But, yeah, he is my father—nothing can change that. I find him embarrassing…I hate it that people know he is my father—I am ashamed of his behavior. He is a good reminder that I need to stay sober. That is about the only gift he has given me—a bad example—I know I don’t want to do anything he does—including drinking. Hang in there.

[Raynaadi]

(((( Inny )))))

NO ONE is to blame for anyone's alcoholism. DO NOT put this on yourself, you didn't do this!!!!!!!

I highly recommend Alanon.....its for children and families of alcoholics. We put our families through the ringer and Alanon is a support network for people feeling as you do. There, you would find people who understand, people who have recovered from the abuse of their alcoholic families.

Please believe me as an alcoholic....no one made me this way. No one is to blame. And no one made your father this way. Don't believe him or the other people sitting at the bar getting wasted. You didn't do this.

((((((((Inacorner))))))))))
NO, you're NOT responsible for him nor his actions. It could be a good thing to get away from him, he seems toxic to me and that can't be good for you. He's not going to change. He's not even human anymore, if you cut him he wouldn't bleed blood, it'd be alcohol. ((((((((Inacorner))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Please try to get away from him and surround yourself with more positive people who will love and appreciate you. You don't have to protect his girlfriends or wives, that's not your job. They're old enough to see that he spends all day in a bar. If that what they choose, then let them live with the consequences. You worry about you, okay?

[InACorner]

thanks you guys ((((((((((((((((((dm ray and jax))))))))))))))))))

[sabby]

(((((Inny)))))))

This is coming from the daughter of an alcoholic and an ex-wife of an alcoholic.....Like everyone else here said....YOU are NOT responsible for what your father does. YOU are also NOT responsible for saving the women who fall for him. They are adults and can make their own decisions. I don't care how much he rants and raves about you being the reason he drinks.....it's all lies. Alcoholics cannot take responsibility for their actions..it's always someone elses fault. Until they get help for their addiction, there is no understanding, there is no acceptance of what they do or how they do it. Until they get help, they do not take ownership of anything in their lives that ever went wrong. They can't "see" that their behavior could have possibly caused their own problems.

My daughters have a love/hate relationship with their father. One daughter helps him with things, the other daughter has basically nothing to do with him.

Hon, hang in there....I know in your heart you have to do what you feel you have to do. You have to feel comfortable that you have done everything you can to make the relationship work. When you are ready, if he doesn't change (which he won't if he doesn't admit he has a problem and seeks help for it) you may make up your mind to wash your hands of him. As much as that decision would hurt, what he is putting you through now is hurting far more deeply.

I hope you can find some peace soon dear one.

Hugssssss
J

[Raynaadi]

Sabau, you described alcoholics to a T. I was just like you described, and will easily revert back to that if I don't continue on my road to recovery.

Inny she's absolutely correct.

[InACorner]

thanks but i am just like him ....i deserve to be alone with him ....two people who deserve to be alone

[nothemama8]

inny you are not just like him, you wouldn't be pouring your heart out here if you were, your searching for support and guidence IMO, we're here when you need

[sabby]

Sweet inny,

You are no where near like your father. You have the ability to "see" what your problem is. You have the ability to seek help if you are addicted to alcohol or pills. You are young and have a lot of life ahead of you. And, best of all, you have us here to help you along the way

I'll tell you a little secret.....shhhhhhhhhh....don't tell anyone

There was a time in my life, years ago, when I could have very easily become an alcoholic. I lived my nights in the bars, every night of the week. I thought I was having such a blast and that I was drowning all my problems away. Huh, yeah right....very soon I realized how low I had gone. Thank goodness I was able to lift myself out of the whole and figure out that my need for control was so much stronger than my need for alcohol.

Hon, it is possible to turn things around and not follow in your father's footsteps. I'm living proof it can be done!

Be easy on yourself dear one.....breathe.....take stock in your abilities to help yourself....because I know you have them!

Hugssss
J

[sabby]

(((((((((((Rayna))))))))))))

I am so proud of you and your recovery! Every single day you battle your addiction and you win! I know it's not easy some days, but then again, no one said life would be easy right?

I love reading your words of wisdom and strength and I learn a lot from you and others like you who are beating their demons and winning every step of the way! You rock!!

[InACorner]

im very proud of you sabau.....it takes a strong person to do what you did and i am soo happy
thank you all for your support
im trying and working real hard to get over these feelings
and with all of your help ....its alittle easier on me
thank you again
love all of ya
inny

[sabby]

I know you are trying love.....you will make it!!! Chin up sweety. With every step you take you are moving in the right direction!

Love and Hugs
J

InACorner: Both my parents were alcoholics & I feel for you. You don't need to follow in your father's footsteps. I basically had to separate myself from my father (My mother died when I was 15 &, yes, though it sounds terrible, it was a relief. She was also bipolar so she was in a lot of emotional anguish). I also longed for a real relationship with my father since he was the only parent I had left, but after years of pain I just realized he was incapable of loving me & that I shouldn't keep knocking my head against a brick wall. I needed to move on with my life & not continue my parents' legacy.--Suzy

inny i love u
my father is alcoholic too
has been my whole entire life
his mother was aswell
nanna died from it..liver failure
waiting for the day it happens to my father
i sometimes think im just like him
sometimes i do things and lookin back
i can see him in me
and i hate me for that
one thing i do not want to be
is like him
i hate him
and i hate ur parents for hurting u so much
(((((((((((((((((((((inny))))))))))))))))))))))))))
you are better than them
you are better than u think u are
u may not see it clearly but u are