[ramirorico]

Hello members!

I haven't post anything here because I relapsed about three weeks ago and I haven't been able to stay sober for more than a couple days at a time. Today I'm sober.

After having two days sober, yesterday I smoked some crack and I'm feeling really bad. I feel guilty and stupid. Every time I smoke that stuff I say I'll never do it again!

I'm getting really tired of being a drug addict

[jelly-bean]

Have you looked into any rehab programs? Getting sober and staying that way is very difficult and maybe some sort of program would help you deal with it and keep you straight. Good Luck to you and just keep trying.

[ramirorico]

Thanks for your advice. I'm 50 years old and I have been to about 12 drug rehab programs. And I've had clean time in the past.

I've even started a couple businesses during my clean times and I did very well. The last business I had I got so much work I was able to hire 2 girls to help me! But as soon as I relapsed the business went down hill. Fast.

Sometimes I think about suicide. I don't know how else to end this thing I call a life. Most of the times I'll tell myself...I don't want to get high.

But there I go.....buying drugs and consuming them :-(

[puzzclar]

You and I are the same, the addiction may be different but the substance doesn't matter. It's still an addiction. Have you tried NA?? or some other form of addiction recovery?

[RisuNeko]

It's normal to relapse repeatedly before recovery. Try not to beat yourself up, just do what you need to do to get the help you need to stay on the right track. You sound like a strong minded individual, crack just has a nasty grip on you, you can beat it. But you might need help again.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by ramirorico

Thanks for your advice. I'm 50 years old and I have been to about 12 drug rehab programs. And I've had clean time in the past.

I've even started a couple businesses during my clean times and I did very well. The last business I had I got so much work I was able to hire 2 girls to help me! But as soon as I relapsed the business went down hill. Fast.

Sometimes I think about suicide. I don't know how else to end this thing I call a life. Most of the times I'll tell myself...I don't want to get high.

But there I go.....buying drugs and consuming them :-(

If you've been in treatment and recovery in the past, then you should at least have some idea of what is recommended when you have a relapse. Find and use what ever safe/sober support you have available to you, even if it is a 12 step meeting. In my experience, trying to do this alone is a set up for more pain and suffering.

Please get immediate help if you are suicidal - relapses happen, as you know, but you are not a failure.

The above posters have given great advice. Please let us know how you are doing.

[ramirorico]

thanks for the solid advice.

Possible trigger:

I have been very suicidal lately. It seems like the only way out.

[ramirorico]

You are right. Those 12 step programs really do work. I was able to stay clean for 6 months just by going to a AA meetings.

Originally Posted by Mygrandjourney

If you've been in treatment and recovery in the past, then you should at least have some idea of what is recommended when you have a relapse. Find and use what ever safe/sober support you have available to you, even if it is a 12 step meeting. In my experience, trying to do this alone is a set up for more pain and suffering.

Thinking of you xo

[Cherry73]

Wondering how you are?

[spondiferous]

Hope everything's ok. Thinking of you. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.