Daily addiction check in #1

Congratulations childofchaos831! So well done!

Another day in the bank...

Way to go childofchaos.

splitimage

Blacked out the sun and I still wasn't tempted. Day however many. In 4 days it will be 2 months and I will switch to posting every few days. The early stretch wasn't too bad; weeks 2 and 3 were probably the hardest; lots of urges and a sense of urgency from my addictive side; it's like that part of me knew if I got through the early stuff I won't break anytime soon. My history has been that either I fail in the first month or make it 6+ months. Sometimes less when I was not trying to quit, just taking a break. Obviously all prior attempts to quit ultimately failed, so it isn't like I can let my guard down or anything. Future tests are likely to be due to unforeseen circumstances rather than duration of time.

3 more days and it will be 2 months. Good SMART meeting last night. Mood being back on the up side helps. Therapist appointment this afternoon. An interesting tidbit about that - I searched for someone with expertise in mood disorders and substance abuse. During the first session (today will be the 4th or 5th) she said she will key on just the mood disorder to start with. She thinks that if I have better coping skills for dealing with bipolar swings, it is likely I won't have a substance abuse problem anymore. I am not completely sure she is right, but since I am having success at sobriety I don't see the need to push the issue right now. Besides, she might be right. I don't like using my MI to avoid blame for my mistakes but my most recent problems were primarily self medicating.

...but didn't have to black out my memory! Me, too!

I'm a slave to Tina

Made it through the first week - day 9 for me.

splitimage

Good job splitimage! It sounds like it was a rough week.

(((((splitimage)))))

I'm glad you got through it, splitimage. You & I both know it gets a bit easier the longer one doesn't drink. You'll be back there soon.

I feel sick because I can't sleep and I think I'm having mini seizures and I feel so depressed it feels like my heart isn't beating properly.

I don't think I'm going to take anymore.

I'm horribly horribly depressed so I'm going to take my antidepressant like my psychologist told me to.

The depression is so bad that I don't think I can handle work.

I was crying yesterday over life but I don't think I've ever felt this miserable in my life.

"SSRI antidepressants are “not only inefficacious for the treatment of methamphetamine dependence, but also produce a number of unprecedented side effects and have no effect on the secondary depression experienced during methamphetamine withdrawal.” However, several studies have shown that Wellbutrin, an antidepressant that acts as a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor, can decrease cravings and may aid in creating chemical equilibrium in the brain."

I'll start taking my Wellbutrin today because I wasn't taking it.

One more day until I make it 2 months.

Last night I was talking to a couple of others after a DBSA meeting (not a substance use meeting, but a bunch of us are in recovery) and I realized something about my history that I never really connected the dots on before. I don't give in to impulses and urges; all my prior "relapses" were decisions that I could handle it again and didn't like the stigma of being in recovery. This came up when we were talking about different meetings and I mentioned that I try to get to one each week but it isn't that big of a deal if I miss it sometimes. The decision was made and I am sticking to it.
When I have decided to start back, it has never been a spur of the moment decision followed by immediate drinking. It is usually an upcoming business or social event where it will potentially be awkward not to drink that leads me to decide it will be okay to nurse a beer or glass of wine so as not to stand out by declining when it is with people who know I accepted it in the past. The pattern is that I do that, pass the initial test with flying colors and slowly accelerate back into problem territory.
This is a double edged sword. It means I usually have time to correct my thinking but it also means I have always been blinded by the illusion of control.

Hooray! High 5.

That kind of boils it down to its essence. Alcohol's waiting for me out in the parking lot, doing push-ups. I've got to keep my eyes open.

Desoxyn, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. This forum is for people who have chemical addictions...but not to SSRI's!!! You might find good advice in the depression forum. Good luck.

I feel so much better. I haven't snorted in 30 hours.

It's a beautiful life.

Hey what about those who are addicted alcohol it's not really a chemical ?

Today I am 775 days sober!

Congrats, @greentires4me!

Today makes 2 months for me clean from everything. Alcohol and adderall - 2 months today, opioids about 6 months.

That's a big chunk of sobriety, greentires4me! Congrats to you, too, UpDownAround!

Excuse me, just want to beg to differ, but any and all addictions can be posted about in this thread. It isn't only for alcohol and chill pills. I offer my respect to everyone here who's doing well, or even relapsing. We've all been through that. But congrats to everyone here!

Didn't you see his big green smiley? You quoted it. Pretty sure he was kidding.

Oh! Nope I didn't see that. I'm using Tapatalk on my phone and I miss all the Emojis.

Sorry about the misunderstanding...I was kidding!

I woke up to snort 30mg because I felt both physically and mentally disabled.

It's not much and I slept for as long as possible before I couldn't take it anymore.