[evildouble102]

I'm not sure what's going on... Will try to put pertinent info together on here... I have several psychiatric diagnosis of which include: ocd, ptsd, bpd, schizoaffective disorder, and panic. I'm on some meds for these.
I was invited to a party last night... so I accepted the offer and went to this house party. I was doing fine just drinking and was drinking responsibly. Then there's bowls be passed around and I smoked probly 5 times that I remember last nigght. Then next thing I know this plate with an amount of cocaine comes out. In short I did half a line everything just got really crazy as I was intoxicated. I did drink some water. So no hungover thing... took my meds when I got home at 3:30 this morning anyway, I was wondeiring if anyone sees this as a problem. I don't think so, but I've been told I have alcohol dependence not officially though but by some clinicians. Saw my therapist and case manager this morning my therapist kind of thought it wasn't a good idea bc it's addictive. My casemanager said even that small amount could have killed me bc the way coke interacts with ur natural chemicals and stuff.... The only reason I worry about this is probly the legality issue and don't want to end up in jail. I'm wondeirng is this something I should just watch or go to the hospital or something? Advice, questions or whatever are welcome and appreciated. Thanks

[sabby]

((((((((evildouble))))))))

Aside from the illegal part of this, there are a few things here that concern me and a red flag pops up!

First of all, since you are on meds for your illnesses, adding to the mix alcohol and drugs really put you into a position of overdosing. Not to mention the fact that alcohol and other drugs counteract some meds and either render them worthless, create a paradoxal effect (work the opposite of what they are intended for) or increase the effects of the medications.

The next thing that concerns me is that when drinking, the alcohol makes you less inhibited, less likely to think clearly and creates situations where you do things that you A. know are not right for you, B. could have horrible repercussions such as extreme illness or even death, C. put you in a position of being taken advantage of.

Is this a situation that you are socially doing these kinds of things? Or is it that you are self medicating because your prescribed meds are not helping in some way? Whatever the reason is for you doing this, I think a good long sit down with yourself and trying to discover what the problem is and finding ways to help yourself is in order. If it is a social thing, then maybe it's time to find a different group of friends? If it's a self medicating issue, then maybe it's time for more intensive looks at what and why you are doing this? Since I don't know you, it's hard for me to say.

I hope you will consider being more careful in the future. I would hate to think of you crossing a line that will bring danger to you in any way shape or form.

I send you prayers for strength and hope and peace. Please take good care of YOU!!!

*Gentle Hugs*
Jean

[Raynaadi]

The words that jumped out at me were cocaine and alcohol. I'm reminded of my friend Aaron.....

He drank heavily one night and had a job interview the next day. He woke up hungover so he did a line of coke to wake up.

Within a few hours, he was dead. He was 25. He had a 5 year old son.

The doctors at the ER said if he had done that line in the hospital, they still wouldn't have been able to bring him back. Its unknown when that lethal combination will occur.

All it took was the leftover alcohol from the night before and one line of coke.

In my opinion, there's no such thing as recreationally using illegal substances.

[evildouble102]

I just wanted to the thank you both for ur sincerity and wishes. I think I really do need to be honest myself to get to the bottom of this. Wow I didn't think I realize the severity of consequences with cocaine. Not that using it justified us but, u know? I think part of it is wanting so much to have friends etc. I crave that human interaction, living alone and feeling that I'm not being recognized enough or something. That's the gist of it anyways.

[Raynaadi]

Yeah.....alcohol was my solution for long time. It was my best friend and it allowed me to have friends. Now I just hang out with other people who don't use it. Never would have thought I could have so much fun sober.

[DePressMe]

Well, I am kind of unsure what to say…I was hooked on coke for many years—mainly crack. Anytime could have been my last time. I consider myself to be an alcoholic and addict. I am not sure doing it once means you need to go to the hospital. How are you dealing with your mental health issues? I know pot triggers psychotic behaviors in me. I have had to go to the hospital because of severe depression and psychotic behaviors due to pot smoking. So, it was not the pot I went to the hospital for it was the resulting effect on my mental health. Keep an eye on you thinking and mental issues. But yes, I agree, you are playing with dynamite…do you really want to do that?

[evildouble102]

I appreciate your input. I agree that I need to really try and think things through instead of just doing whatever. It's just like when I'm in the situation I'm really impulsive. Like I don't understand because it' sooo not me to even think about even doing coke. No one said I had to do it or else. It was just like you can do this too if you want and you'll like it; it's a good time. So, I say sure why not; I'm curious and am always looking to feel good or better.. chasing that wanting to feel euphoric and all that. I'm also wondering what's really driving this like there must be more going on. I'm kind of wondering if it's one of my mental health issues... I have been diagnosed with several things: ocd, ptsd, panic, bpd, schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I engaged in this behavior on thursday night; well, last night my mood kind of crashed a little. I ended up calling the warmline a peer to peer hotline for people with mental health issues. I felt so awful last night. It was like I felt guilty to some extent cause I thought about gee, what would happen if I had died or something; what would have happened to my pets... I mean I know my family would have been devastated but they can take care of themselves.. I know this sounds awful but I was in such a depressed mood. Thinking about what I should do.... I'm getting done a intensive psychiatric outpatient program this coming week. I guess things maybe aren't quite resolved yet. But on the other hand, things will work out, I'm hoping. I have therapy twice a week set up so I'm hoping I will be all set with things.

[DePressMe]

Good for you...it sounds like you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. Keep writing here--it helps.

having worked in the field.......you might worry about the quality of the coke. you NEVER know what you're getting. your host doesn't know what is in it. it can be cut on the street and all kinds of crap added. i think you got off extremely lucky........no heart palpitations? not increased pulse? count your lucky stars.......and really, really have a talk with yourself and listen to your T and case manager from now on.......good luck, xoxoxo pat

[tranquility]

Hi there,

I responded to your other post as well. But I wanted to add that doing drugs and alcohol on top of medication is also something that is dangerous and can cause a whole host of bad side effects.

You are right that there are reasons to our behaviours and I'm glad that you recognize that - it's half the battle. I hope the upcoming therapy will be helpful - just remember to try to be as open and honest as you can and utilize this time - you will get better benefits from it.

Tranquility