[Refuse2Sink]

I am on the journey of trying to figure out who I am after ten years of addiction to prescription pills.

I joined PsychCentral back in September/October (this is my new account, I had trouble logging in upon return). So technically, I'm not new to the forums.

These forums really helped me a lot in the first stages of my recovery. I am home all the time with my daughter & didn't feel like attending meetings in the beginning.

The last few months, I have been doing some heavy duty soul searching. I literally didn't even know who I was from years of addiction. I felt like I was in a cocoon for ten years and upon coming out of it, I literally am a different person.

It's been a very strange road just getting where I am at now. Over the last 7 months, I've cried, I've felt guilty, I've felt embarrassed, I've felt sorrow, joy, love, inner happiness. It's been a broad spectrum of emotions.

Basically, I am just trying to figure out how to start rebuilding my life. I have to do it one day at a time, and not get too overwhelmed. I have so many things that I have to fix. I need to take drug classes to get my license reinstated that I lost 5 years ago. (Yes, I've been without a license for 5 years bc I could never have passed the mandatory drug testing done in the classes). That is the first thing I have to do.

I've made doctor and dentist appointments in an attempt to finally start taking care of myself again. It's going to be a long hard road out of the hell that I've put myself through.

Does anyone have an similar experiences or advice?

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[Moogieotter]

Hiya,

Welcome to PC Addiction Forum! I went through an intense array of emotions and self discovery as part of recovery also.

I'm on ipad right nie, but will share more tomorrow.

moogs

[Refuse2Sink]

Thank you it is one of the strangest things that I've ever experienced. Look forward to hearing what more you have to say

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

If I had an answer then i wouldn't be still struggling myself. My biggest problem staying sober is keeping occupied and dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. I just get bored and my thoughts kill me so I need that something to feel anything other than my current emotion. Are you seeing a therapist to deal with these issues? Maybe find the right group for you? Make new, sober friends? Reach out to others that struggle like you? You just need to find your purpose again. You are worth it and you're doing great so far. I wish I had a single answer or miracle for you but just continue working on yourself and allow yourself to feel. Cry, laugh, yell, sleep in, do what you need. Best of luck!

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[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

If I had an answer then i wouldn't be still struggling myself. My biggest problem staying sober is keeping occupied and dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. I just get bored and my thoughts kill me so I need that something to feel anything other than my current emotion. Are you seeing a therapist to deal with these issues? Maybe find the right group for you? Make new, sober friends? Reach out to others that struggle like you? You just need to find your purpose again. You are worth it and you're doing great so far. I wish I had a single answer or miracle for you but just continue working on yourself and allow yourself to feel. Cry, laugh, yell, sleep in, do what you need. Best of luck!

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I feel ya about dealing with negative emotions in a healthy way. I am still trying to figure that out on my own. I'm not in therapy, I feel like I need to be. I think that I am at the point in recovery where I am ready for life to start rapidly changing for the better and I'm being impatient. I am trying to learn the difference between being patient & not procrastinating. It's a fine line for me. Lol.

I think that I will continue to give myself some more time over the next couple of months to deal with my relapse in anxiety. (Don't even know if that is the correct terminology...I was feeling better for a couple of months & then this month I've been hit hard with crippling anxiety)

I think that you are right about needing to get out & be around other people, it's hard with my anxiety being as bad as it has been. It's also hard when I'm a single parent w/ no babysitter. Maybe I should try the therapy appointment first, and start out small.

[kecanoe]

One day at a time, one step at a time. Dr, dentist,drug class are a good start.

A couple of things that helped me on my journey: one is to start a "grateful" list, simply noting all the things in life that are good. Ranging from a good parking spot to my family to nature etc. A second was to ask for knowledge of God's will and the power to carry it out.

[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

One day at a time, one step at a time. Dr, dentist,drug class are a good start.

A couple of things that helped me on my journey: one is to start a "grateful" list, simply noting all the things in life that are good. Ranging from a good parking spot to my family to nature etc. A second was to ask for knowledge of God's will and the power to carry it out.

Thank you for this. I definitely have become a much more grateful person since I got clean. I think that I seriously needed to read this TODAY, though, because I have been having some pretty bad anxiety attacks the last couple of days and I think making a grateful list would reaffirm the good things in my life as well as take my mind off of fears.

[notz]

Here are some of the "grateful" like threads on Psych Central that can be helpful.

Name one good thing about your day(so far)#9
One thing that you are thankful for #6
I Am Proud of Myself For... #2

There are others you might be interested in. Check out The Coffeehouse in General Social Chat. Glad you're here. Keep staying clean & sober!

[Refuse2Sink]

Thank you! Will definitely check these out!

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[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by Jamie514

Hi Refuse2Sink, good to see you're determined to get yourself back on track again. Actually I've worked hard as well to recover myself from a ruin situation. I stayed around 2 years on a Canadian private rehab to get rid of drinking addiction.

That's excellent! Whatever it takes! That's how I feel about recovery. I spent ten years trying to understand that I would have to do whatever it took. At first, I thought I could still hang with the same people, do the same things, and not change my way of thinking. This is why I did not succeed for ten years. I think that the process is never ending in recovery.

[Wanderlust90]

I stopped smoking meth almost 3 years ago & I'm still trying to figure out how to live my life sober. I hate to say it but things have gotten much worse & I hope it's a get worse before you get better kind of situation. I'm not totally sober, I still smoke marijuana daily but it's incredibly difficult to give up that crutch which helped me overcome methamphetamine. Like rxqueen I still need to figure out how to deal with negative emotion & boredom without turning to substances. I think rehab would have done me a lot of good but it's too late now.

[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by Wanderlust90

I stopped smoking meth almost 3 years ago & I'm still trying to figure out how to live my life sober. I hate to say it but things have gotten much worse & I hope it's a get worse before you get better kind of situation. I'm not totally sober, I still smoke marijuana daily but it's incredibly difficult to give up that crutch which helped me overcome methamphetamine. Like rxqueen I still need to figure out how to deal with negative emotion & boredom without turning to substances. I think rehab would have done me a lot of good but it's too late now.

The struggle to get completely clean had been years in the making for me. I was trying to figure it all out for years. So it damn sure does not get better over night, or years sometimes. Just don't give up. It's still hard as hell sometimes. I still get bored, and become an emotional wreck & want it so bad. I just try my hardest to do something to take my mind of it, even if it means being alone in the bed.