[Wanderlust90]

I feel like I have lost the ability to enjoy the things I used to enjoy, which has resulted in a loss of interest in doing things because they do not fulfil me.

I feel like they describe depression in men or adolescents, or how they describe dry alcoholics, restless irritable & discontent.

I have a problem with always wanting more, like I'm searching for something but I don't know what. I flip rapidly between nihilism & elation.

I seek out substances. Often they help, often they don't but I still need them for those times they do relieve the negative thoughts & replace them with positive ones.

I can't stand feeling uncomfortable mentally or physically, it's unbearable to me.

Chemical dependency has distilled in me a taste for immediate relief.

I've read multiple studies that showed that methamphetamine administration increased extracellular glutamate which could be associated with its excitotoxic effect & that long-term meth use can then result to eventual decrease in dopamine and serotonin neurones.

I think this is what's happened to me. That or overstimulation of dopamine receptors has resulted in down regulation of dopamine thereby resulting in me needing more dopamine to feel a sense of wellbeing at all.

That's why I find it so hard to understand why I have these elevations in mood & energy all of a sudden, sometimes for days at a time. Maybe I really do have bipolar. Maybe I just have an unstable personality.

Maybe this is the aftermath of 3 years of meth use, an aftermath I'm still suffering almost 3 years later.

Will my brain ever recover?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I've recently had my stimulant script taken away by my pdoc and that very same day I went out and got adderall. Last Monday was my last time. I was also put on lexapro to deal with the horrible depression from the come down. I'm struggling bad and it's impossible to get out of bed each day. I have no motivation to clean my house or myself for that matter. I don't know how long it's going to take to get myself back. I've abused uppers for a long time so who knows if I'll ever be back to normal. Honestly I'm scared and I really believe I've messed up my BP for good. I guess you and I will go through this together lol! ((Hugs))

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Refuse2Sink]

It may take you guys awhile to start feeling normal again. When I came off all my scripts, I swear it took 4-5 months to even feel somewhat normal again. I still have days that are hard after 8 months. It's a really slow process. I hope you guys feel better faster than I did. It will happen, just hang in there.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Wanderlust90]

rxqueen! I think ive made my BP much worse as a result of methamphetamine abuse, & I feel like I have fairly significant cognitive deficits following my drug use, or maybe from my everyday marijuana use now. I don't know I just know it's good to have a friend who gets it.

[aarrif]

I think what influenced me in taking back my script after a year is because of my circle of friends. People have the tendency to go back to their old habits when they think back past joyed memories.I never think of it until a friend of mine talked about it and all of a sudden, the craving came back into my head and the evil voices just keep on persuading me to try it and feel the joy. its all in our head. This can be stop if you have a strong faith and belief. But what im concerned here, how to get rid of the thing? I mean you can say you dont have money to buy it but it pushes you to the limit. Its never easy to avoid such things. Please help.. i think im having a bipolar disorder now. Something urged me to keep on finding that craving of mine.

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by Jamie514

Your current condition is similar like me. I've had similar condition two years back. I did tried a lots of things but nothing worked. Lastly I decided to become a travel around the world and it worked interestingly.

I wish I could travel but I think that would result in me using again.

[EverExpandingForeve]

You'll get better, the brain is very plastic. You're not alone though, I'm coming back from heavy ecstasy and psychedelic use (two months sober) and I'm going through a similar turmoil. I know it's so hard but all we can do is stay positive that things will get better. I recommend looking for the thing that does stimulate you. I started making music to take my mind off this, and god does it help.

@ Wanderlust. Yes, due to neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, it is a definitive possibility for your brain to recover. However, it may take a while. It might be a good idea, to increase physical activity such as exercises as it is proven that endorphins and other chemical compounds are released during exercise that function as natural painblockers, making you more resistant. Trauma and its related emotional triggers on the other hand, are extremely tough to deal with and normally has lingering effects. In both Bipolar individuals as well as addicts' are specific emotional centers such as the amygdala and other areas of the limbic system enlarged/over-(re)active. In this particular case, meditation is proven to yield promising results. Especially in terms of the weakening of neural pathways between the "me-center" located in parts of the prefrontal cortex and emotional centers (and they even shrink and become less active overtime). Often people think that the opposite of addiction is sobriety, its actually not. The opposite of addiction is CONNECTION (Johann Hari). If you're interested, of cause, google "ratpark and addictions" as well as "Dr. Mark Lewis". He's a reformed addict turned neuroscientist with an interest in Developmental Psychology.
Good luck Wanderlust.

[Wanderlust90]

Thanks for your replies. I simply cannot find anything that I enjoy enough to take place of the drugs & that lifestyle, when I go in search of any kind of fulfilment I only ever find it when I feel the same kindof freedom & reckless joy I had when I was younger.. It normally leads to me using. This is 3 YEARS sober from meth, not 3 months. I don't think it's ever going to end. I think about ending it myself instead. I've read that article, I don't know what to take from it. I had more "connection" when I was using.