[jpb4815]

23 years clean here, but I am going through hell in my marriage(separated soon to be divorced maybe). I did something really stupid yesterday. I bought a bag of dope. brought it home and was going to use but at the last second I opted not to. now it sits in my drawer ready to help me escape for a couple of hours just teasing me. Why the hell would I do this to myself, it is going to take a lot of will power to go home and get rid of it.

[splitimage]

Hi jpb4815,

Please don't beat yourself up & it's not stupid, it's addiction. No matter how long we've been clean/sober we can be tempted in times of high stress, and this sounds like a very stressful time for you.

Do you have a safe friend, someone who knows you're in recovery, who you could ask to come with you to your place, to help you get rid of it?

Stay strong.
splitimage

[jpb4815]

I am afraid that if I ask any of my friends that they will get mad at me, anybody I know that understands has seen my worst side.

[Open Eyes]

Going through a divorce is such an emotional challenge. It just sounds like you are really struggling emotionally and in the past you addressed that by self medicating so you could get a break from the emotional struggle.

The good news is that you chose not to use. Being clean for 23 years is something to be very proud of. When you struggle often the best thing to do is go to an AA meeting so you have a place to vent where others understand the challenge and can listen and offer support. My husband just celebrated being sober for 25 years and we have been facing some big challenges and he has been going to a lot of meetings to get support, it helps him remember that by using to escape he only makes challenges even harder.

Remember, going through a divorce is a big life challenge, it can bring on some big emotional challenges so make an effort to find support, remember that you deserve to have support, to continue your path of being sober and you know that for 23 years you have managed to face challenges and not run away towards self medicating.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by jpb4815

I am afraid that if I ask any of my friends that they will get mad at me, anybody I know that understands has seen my worst side.

Do you have friends that understand addiction and the challenge of choosing to stay sober even when VERY challenged? That is why my husband has continued to go to AA meetings and still has a sponser he can talk to when he is really struggling.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by jpb4815

23 years clean here, but I am going through hell in my marriage(separated soon to be divorced maybe). I did something really stupid yesterday. I bought a bag of dope. brought it home and was going to use but at the last second I opted not to. now it sits in my drawer ready to help me escape for a couple of hours just teasing me. Why the hell would I do this to myself, it is going to take a lot of will power to go home and get rid of it.

Please let us know when you flush it. The longer it sits there, the more likely you are to start rationalizing. As you know, it might not stop at just one bag.

[jpb4815]

Originally Posted by Mygrandjourney

Please let us know when you flush it. The longer it sits there, the more likely you are to start rationalizing. As you know, it might not stop at just one bag.

I am out of my house for a few days, when I get back I plan on getting rid of it and its delivery mechanism. I confided in a friend who will come to the house with me so I cant back out.

[splitimage]

I'm really glad you confided in a friend. That took courage. But now you have some accountability to someone else, which should make the task easier if no less painful.

Hang in there.

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[Ansley Wyman]

Try to find another outlet. Remember your will power is the most important thing you need to work on. You can do it. Believe me!

[jpb4815]

It is gone. Hook ups number is deleted and blocked.

[splitimage]

Way to go. That took real strength.