[dorsey555]

I went to a NA meeting tonight and picked up a white chip. I did well on the anniversary of my son's death, and the next day started drinking and smoking pot for a week. i once had 12 years of sobriety, then 41/2 years sobriety, then this last time 14 months. i was diagnosed bipolar 7 years ago and only relasped during hypomanic states. i'm not making excuses for myself, but in a stable state i would not even consider using. i have no doubts about being a addict/alcoholic. i'm afraid of being judged, "just don't pick up, no matter what." so i'm speaking to people with bipolar disorder with substance abuse issues. Have you relasped during manic episodes? is that common? I wonder if i should stop count ing days, because i feel like a failure when i relaspe. if there is someone who stays sober and clean in manic episodes, please give me some feedback as to how you do it. (please don't say, "one day at a time." i would appreciate any feedback, thanks everyone.

dorsey

[tranquility]

Hi Dorsey,

I am not in that situation, but I just wanted to let you know that I care and I'm sorry this is so tough for you. I will say that I belong to AA and no matter how many times someone "comes back" I have never seen anyone that is anything but thrilled to see them there. For me personally, I am in awe of people who do come back because I can't imagine how hard it must be.

I hope you can find some answers for this because as you know it can be dangerous to relapse and I don't want to see you hurt.

Tranquility

[Raynaadi]

Dorsey I wish I had some encouraging words, but I'm not bipolar either. I'm in AA too, and I always admire those who come back. At least they made it back!!!! I don't know what to recommend for the bipolar...are you on meds? Is there anyway to stabalize the manic episodes with meds to hang on to sobriety? Wish I knew how to help....I don't know much about bipolar.

[splitimage]

Dorsey,

I wish I could offer some advice - but I'm not bipolar. I do know that when I'm depressed I'm much more likely to slip up and drink. In fact I'm convinced untreated major depression was a major factor in my last relapse. Re going back, I've only ever been welcomed positively after every relapse, and I've had a few. I always feel a little embarrassed to pick up a desire chip in front of my home group AGAIN, but they've always been supportive.

I think that for us addicts who have any kind of mental illness to remember that it really is a dual diagnosis - you have to treat the illness as well as the addiction so it makes sense to me that you'd be more prone to relapse when manic. But don't be too hard on yourself - the main thing is you keep coming back and you're trying.

--splitimage

[Raynaadi]

Good posting Split. I agree that for duel diagnosis, each issue needs to be treated separately. I'm a firm believer that the 12-steps are great for addiction, but when it comes to mental illness, that needs to be addressed separately.

[dorsey555]

...thanks everybody...
..i went to work today and did a good job.
..i have people who love me..
..i can still laugh..and make others laugh..
...if i stay grateful for life..for love..
..as long as there are people like you..
i'll be alright...

dorsey

[tranquility]

Good for you Dorsey - I'm so glad you are able to see the positive and we are here for you

Tranq

[Raynaadi]

Good goin Dorsey! Keep it up! And thanks for the reminder about living in gratitude.

[ONEWISH]

i have depression and anxiety which i deal with every day. i lost my sister in 97. i was 21 and she was 24. i still have a hard time with it. my mother is an alcoholic and was before my sister died. i tried for about 11yrs to help her. i never could. i want to say that i am proud of you for trying to get better. that to me is a big step. i want to say that i am here for you 100% and i am proud. you are not a failure if you relapse. you are trying and that matters. dealing with death is so hard. i wish my mother would get help. she wont even admit she has a problem. you are not a failure and you will succeed.

[ChrisM]

The same thing happens to me~ I was manic a year ago, picked up a drug my God I need Rehab now! Yes I can relate to your story! I am sorry about your relapse. Chris

[dorsey555]

..thanks everyone.i'm not alone.

dorsey

[Raynaadi]

Definitely not alone!

[altonwoodsdrphil]

do you have any idea what triggers your hypo-mania? if you could figure that out it'd be great! do you think that its strictly a "chemical thing" you seem to be a very sincere person,and if you're being visited by not only an "addicton" disease,but mania as well then how can you "own" anybodys "judgements" this is a part of what's keeping you sick,imo

[undertheradar]

Hi Dorsey:

I have 17 yrs of sobriety and am bipolar. When I go into a depressive cycle is when I want to use. That is what we do, we want to change the way we feel by using drugs or alky. What I do, which is way hard, is reach out no matter how bad I don't want to. I ended up suicidal in Feb of this year and landed myself sober and in treatment. The docs regulated my meds quickly and here I am 6 months later still sober. When I tell another person that I want to use, it takes a little of the power out of it. Also, my Higher Power only wants good for me, it is when I take matters into my own hands that I screw up. I hope you use this relapse as a learning experience and continue on your journey of sobriety. SOBRIETY ROCKS, EH? PM me anytime I am here.

Love,
Radar

[drummergrl]

Hello altonsdr.phil,
You seem like a real nice person who wants to console and support people. I had a drinking problem years ago. In the 80's before I was correctly diagnosed with Bi-polar 1 Disorder, I used alcohol to hide every emotion I had. Well, even though I was drowning in a sea of pity and anguish, I was getting to be pretty good at hiding
things. I used alcohol on a daily basis. My father was an alcoholic and married one. Great I thought. They have all the same friends.......Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Tom Collins
and the like..............that's a marriage made in heaven!!! not.
Anyway, I had to give it up as my liver was affected by it and I got a Gall bladder disease and had to be hospitalized.
I couldn't drink for 6 mos. and had to go on a special diet.
I didn't really enjoy the taste of alcohol, but I liked the buzz
I got. I thought it made me stronger. Oh now really????
All it did was make me give a damn............I quit and don't drink because I won't STOP!!! Does that make you an alcoholic??? Is there such thing as "borderline" alcoholic?
I'm told there isn't. You are, or you aren't. It's like being a little bit pregnant............you are, or you aren't!!!
I take meds now that don't afford me that vice anymore. Besides, living around two of them made a lasting impression of what a fool you can make of yourself. Anyway
my parents and stepmom are dead now. There's just the three of us left. I'm the baby.
Anyway, I like your posts.

[damajdancer]

((((((((((((((( dorsey555 ))))))))))))))))
i also have problems like that. only im not bi polar. but when i get into a very deep depression i tend to use alot more. i wish i had some magic healing words...but im also struggling with it. i really hope you can get through this and get sober again!