[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm DX'ed bipolar with anxiety, insomnia, BPD and PTSD. I was diagnosed at 18 and I'll be 30 in may. Throughout my whole 20's I was a substance abuser and rarely took my psych meds. My drug of choice was always alcohol though I'd take anything you gave me. I had no idea the psychological damage I was doing to my MI by self medicating and not taking my psych meds regularly. Well I quit drinking may 2015 (i still drink only once a month or longer). I was up to 20+ beers a day at only 97lbs. Also I just quit a four year suboxone addiction this past August.

Well now that I'm sober (for the most part), my moments of stability are far and few between. I've been on so many med combos that I'm about to just give up on it. How is it that I felt better when i was self medicating?? At least when I was drinking I was sleeping good. Now I'm so tightly wound up from anxiety and irritability that it drains me and everyone around me. I snap at my bf at the drop of a hat etc.

I know this feeling is expected after being freshly sober but it's not letting up. I seem to be getting worse.

[emgreen]

I'm bipolar with GAD & insomnia, too. I've often thought that my alcoholism was self-medication, as well. I've now been sober 10 years & have weathered many med changes, episodes, good times & bad. I've been able to weather them all without alcohol. I'm not trying to be self-righteous; I'm just trying to give you hope that it can be done with a MI. The several suicide attempts I made before getting sober were all directly attributable to excess use of alcohol. I know I wouldn't have tried had I been sober; the alcohol just lowered my inhibitions. For me, pouring a depressant (alcohol) on depression is craziness...not self-medication.

Blah, blah, blah...I know you must have heard this too many times before, but going to AA has helped me realize that bad crap can be dealt with without the use of alcohol. If you've tried it before & it hasn't worked for you, I'm sorry to bring it up again. MI really sucks! For me, MI + alcoholism is dancing with death. Give sobriety a good chance before packing it in. Good luck, RxQueen, whatever you decide to do.

[Moogieotter]

Hang in there Queenie. I was really unstable and depressed for 18 months. Just gotta power through it. "For the most part" might be your issue. Good luck!

moogs

[jaswk]

The problem with getting sober for me was having to feel and live through my episodes without self-medicating. I have just over a year sober right now, but I fought for that year for over 3 years. My automatic reaction to upset, depression, mania - LIFE - has almost always to pick up that drink or drug to cover it up. I agree with Moogieotter - you just have to power through it. Finding someone you trust to talk you through is something that helped me a lot. Hope things get better for you.

[Misssy2]

I'm an alcoholic too....rx..and I am 52...and the dependence on alcohol for every alcoholic...gets worse over time and i have almost died about 5 times in the last 3 years.and been in the hospital at least 15...

I DID HAVE 8 years sober...read about PAWS....if you can get away from the alcohol for a period of time the feelings WE are feeling (I'm only sober a week) DO pass and I only know this because of the 8 years I had..ALSO, after I learned about PAWS I understood many of the reasons I felt the way I did...and kept me away from a drink longer.

Also, when I took my medication for that 8 years...I was not ever completely stable..but I felt a hell of a lot better than I do now..as far as jumping out of my skin...with anxiety, rage, frustration, irratibility, depression, high blood pressure, insomnia...PSTD rages....etc....its all related to the alcohol. I"m trying as well to stay away from it.

You are young and I fear that if reading about PAWS doesn't set in for you that you will probably continue to struggle...until you are ready.......I"m struggling and I am ready (I think).