[childofchaos831]

I don't know anymore...

I see my pdoc tomorrow afternoon. I called the office yesterday, to ask him about anything we could do for anxiety... I had been really anxious the entire day, and really couldn't take it anymore. My prescription, Vistaril, doesn't do anything at all to help it. It used to help a little bit, but now there is nothing. I've had to resort to the ER a few times, because the anxiety is that bad, and after not hearing back from my pdoc before it got to the point where I was starting to get scared of what I would do if I went home, I went again yesterday. They now seem to think I am a freaking drug seeker or some s***. Really, I want to not be scared of myself... how hard is that to understand? Yesterday, after trying to explain that, and explaining that the Vistaril is worthless, the gave me benadryl and sent me home. It didn't work, obviously, but I really don't know what else to do...

I want to ask my pdoc what else we can do, but I don't know how to explain it... I mean, if I can't deal with the anxiety, I end up drinking/using or self harming, and over time it gets to the point of feeling sui...

I'm debating asking if he could write for a benzo rx but only like 2 or 3 at a time... I don't know... I am so tired of feeling like this. Right now, I really just want to give up and drink and numb and not feel anything ever again.

And somehow, I am starting to cry... so that's all.

[splitimage]

It's worth at least asking your pdoc for a benzo, although I know they're kind of out of favour these days, especially for addicts. My pdoc prescribes me a benzo at a fairly high dose 3.5 mg / day. But he only writes the prescription for one week at a time, so I only get 7 days worth of meds, which helps me not abuse them.

Another option might be low dose seroquel. It's quite good for anxiety and doesn't have the same dependency / tolerance issues as the benzos.

splitimage

[childofchaos831]

Thanks split.

I'm taking a higher dose of seroquel right now, for psychosis, mods stabilization and tardive dyskenesia. I'm also taking gabapentin extended release, that the dose was raised recently to try to help the anxiety.

Nothing seems to help. The low level anxiety I feel every day has gotten better, like down from a 3 to a 2, but the attacks are still awful and often and last forever.

Without a prn, that actually works, I don't feel like I have any healthy options... yesterday sucked, tbh. I didn't get to sleep until 5 am or so, and just got up at 10... and already have elevated anxiety...

I see my pdoc at 3 today, so we will see.

[benzenering]

So...what happened at your pdoc appt yesterday?

[childofchaos831]

He basically just wants to wait and see how the raise in my gabapentin ER does. It was raised about a week and a half ago. So I see him again in 2 weeks.

Ended SHing later after the appt and had to go to the ER again for sutures. I wish people could understand that I am trying to help myself, and the professionals aren't really doing anything to help.

I told my pdoc the extent of what the anxiety is doing, how I get seriously sui when I can't make it go away, and I don't want to SH but there doesn't seem to be another option.

I'm having to decide between SH or substance use. I could easily acquire some pot or alcohol... and it would work to calm me down without leaving visible wounds. I wish there was a way to do it without harming myself in any way...

Imo, it's ridiculous he won't give you like 1 mg a day of lorazepam. Once you're labeled an addict they treat you that way. I'm sorry. Hugs.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Imo, it's ridiculous he won't give you like 1 mg a day of lorazepam. Once you're labeled an addict they treat you that way. I'm sorry. Hugs.

I agree, but it is what it is at this point. I have to do what i can to keep going. I wish I had my pdoc behind me, but it's whatever at this point.

[musinglizzy]

I'm going through this myself too. I "turned myself in" and went on suboxone in December. I had no idea that this would include my having Xanax taken away from me. I never took Xanax on a regular basis. In fact several times, my doc told me I wasn't taking it ENOUGH. I have never been addicted to Xanax. But now that I'm on suboxone, they won't give me Xanax, and my life got worse, in other ways, since going on the suboxone. I have learned how things change...you go asking for help, just to find that you will be black listed as an addict. I was only addicted to pain meds, NOTHING else. Didn't drink, smoke pot, or do ANY other drugs at all. Just hydro or oxy. Suboxone has saved my life. I'm off the pills, and doing fine that way. But life throws constant curve balls that I'm having a hard time dealing with, and my anxiety has taken over my life. But, now I'm an addict. So I don't think I'll be taken seriously. Good luck. Believe me, I'm right where you are.

[Misssy2]

me too...I'm going to a new Dr. tommorow because my Dr. has been weaning me off the benzo I take Ativan .5 (2x a day)...and I got really mad in the office the other day because they canceled my appointment with him because i didn't have my Medical card with me that THEY HAVE ON FILE!

So, I stormed out of the therapy session appointment and came home and realized...crap I run out of Ativan on the 26th..

I called a new Dr. and told the basically the truth that the office I go to is LARGE "establishment" and I have never felt like my Dr was focused or even knew me good "enough" after 6 months. So this new Dr.. gave me an appointment for THIS week.

Which is also ODD to me..does this guy have no patients cause they all left cause he doesn't prescribe benzos? LOL.

But, I feel better that I am going with a current prescription and the reason I left the Dr. was not cause of benzos but how I was treated...even thou its a little of both.

The Drs office i left yesterday...believes in no one needing medication.

I was approved by SSDI for ANXIETY....so shouldn't that be treated?

So I can identify with everyone...that can only be relieved by benzos...I' mean really we are forced to get stuff illegally and unfortunately I don't know anyone selling them or I would have resorted to that rather than being made to feel like **** by these Drs all the time.

[zijax]

I've been on Xanax for a year now due to anxiety and panic attacks. My old doctor just left the clinic and now the new pdoc says she's not ok with benzos and she's going to wean me off of them. They are the only med that helps me right now. I am so scared. I don't abuse them either. Sometimes I skip a whole day. I've never been addicted to them either. What is up with these doctors.