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#376
Sep 20, 2021, 01:13 AM
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Paranoia comes creeping back into my brain. Alcohol used to ease that mess. I'm sober for years. I am so afraid alcohol caused me brain damage. But my memory is intact, which is a good sign. But I'm worried about my thinking processes, etc.
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 Bill3, Desoxyn
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 Bill3, Desoxyn
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#377
Sep 25, 2021, 02:04 PM
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Much happier now. I only use phenibut, caffeine and nicotine.
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| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#378
Sep 25, 2021, 07:44 PM
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| Desoxyn
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#379
Oct 04, 2021, 05:25 PM
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It's been 2 weeks since I smoked weed
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| Bill3
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#380
Oct 05, 2021, 03:11 PM
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Craving weed..
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| Bill3
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#381
Oct 07, 2021, 11:34 AM
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Hang in there Desoxyn!
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| Desoxyn
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#382
Oct 31, 2021, 04:20 PM
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I'm in a ****ton of pain and of course my first thought was painkillers. Gotta brush up on those pain management skills I guess. Maybe go back to SMARTRecovery.
__________________
[Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
| Bill3, Desoxyn
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| Bill3, Desoxyn
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#383
Nov 19, 2021, 01:07 PM
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Hanging in there but on a thin thread. My willpower is slowly fading and I can feel it. I remain strong and sober but I feel weak. Getting transferred to a new therapist soon so hoping I can open up more about my addiction struggles with her.
__________________
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| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#384
Nov 26, 2021, 06:39 PM
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Trying not to smoke weed.
I feel so good right now. Why do I want to ruin it? Why do I want to ruin this?? Why? |
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#385
Nov 26, 2021, 08:11 PM
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One day and three hours since I quit cigarettes. Today has had its moments. Tore through the car looking for cigarettes, finding myself bored and wishing I had smokes...I was paying $360 a month on cigarettes so as someone looking to live on my own thats a crap load of money I'll be saving...but I've been smoking for over ten years and the longest I've quit is five months...sigh...
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| Desoxyn
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#386
Nov 27, 2021, 01:14 AM
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Quote:
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| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#387
Dec 09, 2021, 06:18 PM
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Drugs can be funny but also can lead to death at any moment. Just like life.
But I'm 25 now... I think my time for drugs are dwindling. But I live in my own way, controlled, careful and better decision making. Harm reduction, etc. That's the way it is going - The only that it CAN go, with the rolling tides and waves of energy, washing the cosmos of inevitable pain, death, suffering in a cycle of the divine love to heal the current damage of the world. |
| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#388
Dec 09, 2021, 06:27 PM
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It's hard to not drink a cider because it ruins my mental health. I don't know why I still want to.
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| Bill3
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#389
Dec 11, 2021, 10:00 AM
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Hang in there Dexsoxyn, you know drinking affects you negatively.
splitimage
__________________
 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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| Desoxyn
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| Desoxyn
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#390
Dec 18, 2021, 04:57 PM
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I want this to end
I keep ignoring, procastinating - While everyone does mindless ****. It's all the same - It's all philosophy. I don't exist. I give up. Reality is pain. |
| zapatoes
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#391
Dec 18, 2021, 08:55 PM
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No I suppose I'm ok with phenibut.
I need an antidepressant. But none of them are good. I want to go to a rave/festival. It doesn't have to be molly fun yknow.. But idk.. I've never been to one before. I have no friends to go with. I wish I was manic. A high school friend wanted me to drink alcohol because I was = quiet kid. Extremely quiet.. Just sitting there.. thinking.. All day. He looked at my math test results and was like "See he's smart", quiet doesn't mean stupid though... But I was stupid once I discovered research chemicals. It was a few years of madness. Now I read the book by neuropsychopharmacologist, "Alexander Shulgin". I find it hard to not procrastinate. It's the main reason as to why I use drugs - Cuz I try to find meaning out of suffering and stagnant lifeless mindlessness. |
| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#392
Dec 26, 2021, 06:05 PM
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Coffee, nicotine.. feeling sick from the nicotinie. But that's fine.
I smoked some weed and lost my novelty seeking. I tried to fix it by taking a double shot of tequila and it didn't help. Yesterday, I took some alprazolam with 2x ciders and took a 2 hour nap. So alcohol really isn't good for me. I took phenibut, 0.25mg of clonzepam, 0.25g of shrooms and an extra Vyvanse with the Dexedrine. I over did it. I think this is the max as bad as my drug use can get right now. I should have just taken nothing. I would have been much better off. I have a headache. |
| Bill3
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#393
Dec 30, 2021, 07:31 PM
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I want to be sober =[
I'm doing so well but I want to buy opioids Btw I haven't had a bad day like since my last post so it's good. |
| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#394
Jan 03, 2022, 07:10 PM
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I haven't drank in 2 days. I was taking multiple double shots of 69% rum on New Year's Eve + Snorting my stimulant medication.
I lost my mind and became suicidal. But I stopped and will start a new year. |
| Bill3
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| Bill3
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#395
Jan 04, 2022, 05:24 PM
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Craving cocaine
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| Bill3
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#396
Jan 08, 2022, 04:15 PM
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I only crave cocaine rarely - Once every few months. The craving is gone now 0.-
Probably most important thing I've learned in rehab - Is that I don't often crave nearly as much as others and craving lasts 10 minutes or so. |
| Bill3
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#397
Jan 11, 2022, 07:36 PM
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Haven't drank alcohol since. It does bad 2 me.
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| Bill3
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#398
Jan 12, 2022, 07:35 PM
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I had a beer at the ski hill - Harmless.
But I come home and felt like taking a double shot of 69% rum or take psilocybin or snort stim. I decided instead to smoke some high CBD flower and take 0.25mg of clonazepam.. Then maybe I can sit and read but also be relaxed while not being messed up and regret it. |
| brightemily06
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#399
Jan 14, 2022, 09:04 PM
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I haven't used drugs.
But I want to - And it's the weirdest thing.. There's a force (Anti-addiction?) that has been preventing me from buying any for a long time. I don't care about the force.. but I'm listening to it - Maybe it has a point. Maybe I should listen to it fully. But the world has ended many years ago. What's the point of even living when I'm like this. The only reason that I'm still living is because I fear the afterlife. I used to be an atheist. Until my big trip. I'm forever lost in an endless hell. But I'm a good person. I've done many good things.. I will continue to try and live by helping others (Once I get my mind sorted out). I can't accept my fate - Because I have hope. It's horrible. The bad trip cooked my brain like eggs. |
| Bill3
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#400
Jan 15, 2022, 09:24 AM
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Don't let the experience of one bad trip ruin your life. Initially I didn't think I could get sober or stay sober, but I have and life is definitely better. You can do it too. Just take it one day at a time.
__________________
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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| Desoxyn
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| Bill3, Desoxyn
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