[cheetah]

I personally do not have a substance abuse issue. It's a very close friend. I struggle with this as someone who cares.

I understand the reason my friend drinks. She has some other mental health problems and is being treated with meds and therapy. However, she feels her current treatment isn't working and the alcohol is the only thing she knows that makes her feel better even if only temporarily. I question how much of a chance she is giving her meds if there is always alcohol in the way.

There was a time when I drove myself nuts thinking I could fix this. But I realized that I cannot help someone who isn't willing to help herself.

I'm afraid my friend believes she can handle this on her own. Things cycle from wanting to quit drinking to wanting to stay drinking. I have encouraged my friend to get some help (AA or something) but she refuses. She believes she is in control when it is so obvious to me that she isn't. Recently she accomplished over a month sober and I was so happy for her. But she found her way back to the bottle.

I'm not sure if she understands that taking away the alcohol does not fix the feelings and emotions that go along with this. I think the term is "dry drunk?"

I could use some support from those of you that probably know much more about this than I do. I want to be supportive of my friend but I also know that she is the only one who can fix this. I am frustrated having repeated conversations. I don't want to be taken advantage of or looked at as the person who is always there. My friend knows how I feel, and I believe I have done all I can to help.

Where do I go from here?

[DePressMe]

Yes, it sounds like you have done as much as you can…like you said, it is up to her to decide if she wants to quit.

I am in recovery, have people who are close to me in recovery and some who are actively drinking. It is extremely difficult to watch somebody destroy their life with booze. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. The most important thing for me is to remember to take care of myself, don’t take on the responsibility of others problems…and, try to patiently wait for my loved ones to decide to get sober.

Keep doing what you are doing…I hope it works out for the best.

[splitimage]

It's really hard to watch someone destroying their lives with alcohol, but until they're really ready to admit they have a problem and seek help, there really isn't much you can do.

You can try to be supportive by taking her out to non-alcoholic events adn showing her it's possible to have fun without drinking, you can try to keep encouraging her to think about getting help. You can also set boundaries like refusing to talk to her if she's been drinking.

Have you thought about checking out an alanon meeting. It's a support group for friends and families of alcoholics, and I've heard really good things about it.

Good luck.

--spltimage

[cheetah]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses.

Sometimes I am in a situation where I just don't know what the best thing to do is. I'll give an example.

I have made it my rule for the most part not to have contact with my friend if she has been drinking. Sometimes I am with her when she is about to drink or just started to drink. This just happened a few days ago. I was seeing 2 options, either tell her what a bad idea it was or just walk away. I ended up walking away, but I don't know if I made the best choice. I felt I would be unsuccessful in stopping her and would just get frustrated.

I want to be supportive but not drive myself nuts at the same time. What do you guys think?

[Richt6]

Ummmmmmm... If you really want to " help " the only suggestion I can give is start attending al-anon meetings. My suggestion if you decide to take this route is don't give up too easily on the al-anon meetings. They will be able to help you more than anyone right now. " don't quit before the miracle happens " . It is difficult to give any other advice because the advice should be based on her " progression ". I was a shut in drunk. Drinking gallons of vodka every week. I didn't require detox but some do. Some need jail time to wake up. My point is that everyone has their bottom and until your friend is there she will NEVER sober up. Sorry to say that but I am speaking from personal experience and it took me over twenty years of drinking to get sick enough to sober up. Some it takes just a few years.

[hopenfaith]

i think your a good friend & i wish i was lucky enough to have one like u! your right there isn't much u can do if she isn't willing to do for herself! she has to want to quit! u can want it all u want. i'm sorry that is a hard thing to hear i know. no one could help me until i was ready to help myself! my advise to u is to just be there for her but don't let her use you! good luck!

[cheetah]

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hopenfaith said:
i think your a good friend & i wish i was lucky enough to have one like u!

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Thanks so much. I really appreciate the compliment. I hope my friend feels the same way.