[Kiya]

but not new to drinking. I just started again - have every day now for ....mmmm 2 weeks? i think. including now. dunno quite what i'm doing in here. but needed to post. i'm really not allowed to drink medically - totally off the list. but right now i don't give a dingle about it. in fact, i almost don;t give a dingle about my md - who i used to practically worship. i am THIS close to cancelling ALL appointments - with T, with MD... with everyone. I don't seem to care anymore so it is senseless to have them care and try so hard. Whooooeee i am not much of a drinker any more, and this mixed one is not doing any better ffor me than last night. i'm gonna have to call it quits for now.
k

[nowheretorun]

(((Kiya))))) i know how hard the struggle is.. i know this will pass for you, please be careful .. you dont believe me now, but you matter to us all....

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))

Don't cancel with the MD or T. Be safe.

[bigmac]

Welcome, I'm new also. I'm a former problem drinker.

[Kiya]

(((((((Nowheretoturn, Christina, Bigmac))))))))))

thanks all for the replies and for caring about me even when I can't.
I'm dry today - have to be with the osteopatic appointment from earlier or i will be in sooooo much pain. I did not manage to report my drinking to anyone other than here.

Today I also saw my case worker (who specializes in D/A) but we were chatting in the lobby and so all my tempted things to tell her - that i'm drinking, that I wanted to quit all appointments) were stricken. Instead we talked about stress and how to deal with it.

I came THIS close to telling the DO (osteopath) that I have fallen back into poor coping skills... but it never came forth. I don't think I can tell MD at all(I see her monday) - though I did mark it on the chart I have to track for her. I don't think she looks that closely. So it' not *really* lying - it's there... if she doesn't see it.... oh well. I don't want her to know about it- i think she'd throw a fit.

So i guess.... i do want to stop, but i don't want my 3 drs to know about it and think less of me for it. i want to stop on my own.... now i have to get the alters to also want to stop. my sense is that she won't until the bottles are empty - one already is, and she's making fairly good track on the 2nd.
anyway, thanks for letting me rant.

(((((((((((((((((( kiya ))))))))))))))))))))))

I don't think your doctors would think ANY thing bad about you if they heard you were drinking. They are so, so supportive, and would just want to help you.

Be safe.

[iamtwilight]

((((kiya))))
hope all goes well with your md.
i'm not telling anyone either.
and if i do it every day some alter will take control and si... and i'm still in trouble.
hahah. no really. that is trouble.

i'm sorry i can't give any good advice, my concentration is so poor these days. -sigh-

sending you positive thoughts.

[nowheretorun]

((Kiya)) ((All in this forum)))

it is very hard sometimes... the path we walk is paved with stones and slippery spots... we stumble forward, sometimes we run, at times we walk, at times we fall backwards...

for some of us we run to the finish line and never look back... some of us need help....

we all want to feel better... we can make it...

sending best wishes, hopes and love to you all

[Kiya]

((((((((Earthmama, Katie, Nowhere))))))))))

I am really scared to admit to my med team. I am afraid they'll lose faith in me. I see 2 of them on monday ... i dunno. I even slipped again with another SI as well as alcohol and i have so many things that are about to go in a good direction - I don't want to mess it up.

...And already, I am craving another. I even bought the Cola for a Rum and Coke (I'm allergic to cola as well as alcohol). It is rediculious to even be in this - and yet... I don't know why i am back in this spot again. I had quit cold turkey 10 years ago (meaing to me, not drinking every day) even tho i did socially but very rarely - like 3 times a year.
Thanks for being here -just the understanding is helpful.