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#1
Oct 16, 2008, 09:39 PM
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I've been traveling for the last month on what should be the trip of a lifetime but I'm really struggling, I havn't taken coke in one month now thats the longest time in 4 years and I stopped the painkillers 2 days ago, well I used up all my supply so didnt really have a choice. I'm ok most of the time but then I just get in such black moods- feel like Im in a hole and can't get out. I tried to talk to my friends I'm with but how can they understand, I hate feeling like this its the cross roads now stick with it or take the easier option and use again to try stop feeling like this. I should be so happy but yet I feel like crap!
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#2
Oct 16, 2008, 11:08 PM
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Getting clean is one of the hardest things you can do, but in my opinion is really worth it. Since you only stopped the pills 2 days ago, at least part of what you're feeling is probably withdrawl, so try to ride it out for at least a week.
In some ways travelling is a perfect opportunity to get a good start on being clean, since you're away from your usual supply and can more easily avoid places / people that are triggers to use. If you want support, outside of your friends, you might try finding local narcotics annonymous meetings to go to - they're pretty much in all major cities. When I stopped drinking I found the first couple of months the hardest - my brain was still in a fog ffrom adjusting to not having all the booze, I was seriously depressed, and I jsut wanted to drink. But I stuck it out and am really glad I did - no more hangovers, no more wondering what I'd done the night before, no more wasted money, plus it's pretty amazing how quickly you start to look and feel physically better. Cocaine can mess you up pretty badly plus it's illegal which makes it risky. Obviously only you can decide if you want to be clean, but getting sober was for me one of the best decisions of my life, and it has been totally worth the first horrible few months. Good luck. --spltimage
__________________
 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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#3
Oct 19, 2008, 12:14 AM
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thanks for the encouragement, Im determined to stick with it. Im fed up with failing and just want to take some control back and be free of all the drugs.
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#4
Oct 19, 2008, 08:01 AM
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Just wanted to say I can relate, i only have a little over 1 week clean,the one saying i heard along time ago in NA is "I can do anything for 1 day".
"If the Obbession or Compulsion becomes to great put yourself on a Five (5)minute basis of not using ,Minutes will grow to hours, hours to days before you know it you will break the habit and gain some peace of mind" This is what I tell myself sometimes when I get a craving. Remember it will pass!! Hang in there!! |
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#5
Oct 21, 2008, 01:07 AM
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Quote:
Hope your hanging in there also and thanks for sharing your experience and advice! I think the only reason I've stuck this out this far is because I'm half way around the world and thousands of miles away from all the negative people in my life and even if I wanted to give in it wouldn't be so easy. I was getting desperate yesterday but feel more positive today and more confident I can do this. I think its easier to think and concentrate on staying clean hour by hour at the moment rather than panicking at the thought of never touching it again, ever. We're going to be settling down early November to find a job and somewhere to live so I think I may commit to therapy or something (as difficult as that would be) than rather than trying to go at this alone. |
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#6
Oct 21, 2008, 04:29 PM
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Caitlin, I am glad you are making it. I can relate to what it feels like to waver on the decision to stay clean or not. It always seemed like I told myself that I would get clean "right after this one." I am glad you are staying clean. Congrats on staying off the pills and on staying off the coke. That is a great accomplishment. Hang in there and stick with it. You can do it!!
__________________
You don't have to fly straight...  ...just keep it between the lines!
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#7
Oct 21, 2008, 11:32 PM
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#8
Nov 04, 2008, 04:31 PM
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girl, i know from experience too that just getting away is what youve gotta do to cut out the drugs (at least the coke, in my experience). i had a serious coke problem for a few years that cost me a few relationships, my entire social network, several jobs, my familys trust, had me kicked out of houses, and left me broke. with no more money for drugs, i threw my dog, my records and some clothes in a rental car and drove from the bay area (california) to pennsylvania. and i was DONE. cold f-ing turkey. it hurt BAD. all i could think about was that best friend (coke) that i had had to abandon. my best friend, my companion, my late night buddy... and my worst enemy. the most toxic, most destructive, most manipulative 'person' i knew, but that was always there- taunting me. it is a wicked drug. wicked mostly in its manipulative ways... its got talons sharper than razor-blades that sink deep.
and you pulled yourself away from those talons. and that is so rough. and i know. and i want to high five you for that. so sorry about running on. but i wanted to share with you that i did what you are doing to rip myself from the toxic drugland: i just packed my bags and took off. and it worked for me. and it its looking good for you, girl. xo presh 
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