im having issues

i cant handle my past relationship ending, or how she still like to see me from time to time, and my mom has cancer bad, like maybe a year bad. this has all been thrown at me the last two months and im not dealing well. i was allready on ambien for sleep,, then xanax for panic attacks, pretty bad. i havent stopped drinking. i feel like im using eveything to control my emotions cuz i have no idea how to control anything anymore. ive allready taken 2 xanax wich would usually knock me out. took an ambien too, still awake, had a couple beers, had some vodka, didnt have anything to mix it with so i cut it with some wine. i should be passed out. but im not. still thinking. i want to stop drinking, and i know i can, but im about to fill my script again for the xanax. is that bad? i just need something to calm my nerves. im goin to ask my doc about some anti depressants. i know theres no quick fix but im spinning out of control. i need some guidance, some advice. something to get me back on track. a couple months ago my life was pretty normal, and i was happy, somehow ive turned into this emotional mess with very little positive thoughts. maybe its the alcohol maybe its the meds, maybe its a combination, but i cant keep doing this.

' .... i cant keep doing this.'

in this moment you have opened the door to a new beginning... with new beginnings there is a past to be left... you can create your own best opportunity for success by deciding now to never give up... i know that sounds big and it is...

when we never give up we are making a commitment... the commitment lasts forever...

it is a promise we make to ourselves that no matter how rough the seas, strong the winds, whatever the hurricane or disaster is, we never give up...

now we are mere humans and that means there will be temptations... we can rely upon a strength greater than ourselves to help us in those times..

for me, i like to imagine the all enduring, never fading, essential and everlasting spirit of love...

with love i can connect to many anchors in life... friends, community memberships, nature, Earth, the heavens, and so on....

some higher powers began at the first inception of thought and human awareness millions of years ago and are still functioning well today... now thats an everlasting power....

this power or spirit will stand beside you through all times dark and light.. when the storm is at its most furious, gentle and kind strength may be the thing which you hold yourself onto, looking to others for support who also have their own methods of withstanding the storms...

in a spirit of connecting and joining together for good cause a window can be created for you to retrieve your good health status ... it is a simple choice you can make alone, and only you can make it....

you can succeed if you choose to try....

1confused, i think we've "chatted" before. thank you for the post. it took courage and honesty to share your thoughts with us.
the booze enhances the alcohol and the alcohol enhances the zanex. a vicious cycle that can lead you to being addicted to both.
i'm sorry about your mom. i faced that a while back too. it is difficult to see someone you love so ill. you have some life stuff going on right now and abusing drugs, alcohol, etc. will only complicate your life even further. it will be difficult for you to determine what you are really feeling by "going there". i think you already know this in your heart.
"is this bad?", you asked. there are wise choices and not so wise choices that we face going through life. i feel like you are at that crossroad of making a wise choice.
feel "out of control in your life"? there are some things going on right now that you really do not have any control of...like your mom's cancer. that's why i wanted to remind you of the things you can control or choices you have. your choices may impact not only you but your mom who loves you.
keep us posted, k? we care and support you and you deserve to love yourself enough to do what's best for yourself. i hope this helps you.