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#1
Dec 16, 2008, 10:51 AM
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My sister is a recovering drinker and drug addiction. She was using coke ,codeine,and had drank since she was 14. As she says she will always be that. As it takes a life time to
fight it ((her words)) She could not step foot out of bed with out a drink and a snort and a pill , I Learned latter. How I missed it? She lived in FL. I in Ny. That's how. I knew she was a alcoholic. As both of my parents were. They were the kind that watched the clock for 4 or 5 o clock then start. My kids as I have said before never really knew her. Only the person on the other end of the phone. Or the one who came for the funerals . The one who started at 2 at that point. After my parents passed away 28 days apart. From a terminal illness one of them ,the other one well I am not going there right now. ((sorry)) My sister went down hill fast. I would call her every day in FL. Weeks sometimes went by before I heard from her. Sometimes just days. I always knew she was on the other side of the answering machine listening. Her husband drank too. ALot and had done drugs. Way more than i care to think about. I learned after. His liver became bad and he got a ulcer too. From there it was to sad. I never really knew him . met him I think 3xs. By that point i was keeping them afloat . As neither one was working. In my naive head . I have no clue what I was thinking. I had promised my Grandfather to take care of everyone. Made that same promise to my Dad. In my eyes I thought they were paying their bills. My brother in law became so ill . He was finally taken to the hospital. He had surgery. They only gave him a 30% chance if that. He did not make it. He was I think 54  She did not go to the hospital that day. For the life of me I could not figure it out. Still i was missing she was doing coke. I wanted to go when he passed away. She did not want that. She wanted the money instead of what it would cost for me and the kids to fly there. Still being a enabler as I know what it is now. I believed her that she needed the money for bills. I sent it. From then on in she never picked up the phone unless she needed something. It was a huge issue for me as whenever my parents did not pick up the phone after awhile it meant one of them was in the hospital. I would have to call every hospital till i found them. Which I would finally. Right before a few thanksgivings ago. She stopped answering the phone all together. I went threw that thanksgiving not knowing if she was alive or not. I figured she was as the machine was still taking messages. My last message to her was to please at some point call me to let me know if she dead or alive. When she was up to it. Now that I think about it , That was one stupid message. I guess it worked . She called me on black Friday that year. I owned a store then. She was suicidal. She had run out of drugs booze and pills and money. She had reached bottom. I was never so grateful for that call. I was never so shocked to find out about the drugs. She agreed to be baker acted and go into rehab. After that i flew her up here.At Christmas time. They felt she could not be alone. I agree She stayed for a mth. I did not even know this person. I never really did. Durning that mth I found pc. As i needed help myself dealing with her and all my other losses in life. At that point she could not use the comp as her brain was fryed. Also going threw withdrawal too, plus she was very very depressed. She went back to FL and with the help of a few friends she got rid of everything there. And i moved her back here. Was a very long road . She goes to AA and NA. She sees a T. She has worked very hard, There were alot of issues along the way. But she never gave up. She never went back to it yet  But as she says its a never ending battle. She fights it ever day. She lives on her own now. She is in the system now and does real well. She is and always will be a alcoholic as she says((her words))) We still are not close like sisters can be. But she does pick up the phone now. And she does call me now. I help her alittle now. Tv and phone. But other wise I am very careful... This will be her third christmas sober. This will be the second one she can remember.....It will be the 8th one my parents did not make it to see......due illness and booze........ One last note....every now and then I call my parents phone # we had growing up for years. They had it most of thier lifes....no one answers...it says no further info given...
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 notz, Tumnus
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#2
Dec 16, 2008, 11:31 AM
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(((Muffy)))
How hard it is, when our loved ones suffer from addiction. You did what you could, and thought was right- it shows you have a good heart. I'm really glad that your sister is now clean and sober, but she's right it will be a lifelong struggle, although hopefully it will get easier with time. I'm just a little over a year sober and am finding it easier, I hope your sister will too. I hope that you're able to have a good Christmas with her. ---splitimage
__________________
 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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#3
Dec 16, 2008, 11:47 AM
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Oh (((((((((((((muffy))))))))))))! How generous of you to open you heart to us here, to let us know the pain and suffering you have been through. What a dear sweet person you are. Your sister isn't the only one who has never given up.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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| muffy
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#4
Dec 16, 2008, 01:07 PM
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((muffy))
thank you for sharing Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
| muffy
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#5
Dec 16, 2008, 02:32 PM
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muffy, thanks so much for sharing your experiences with alcoholism and addiction regarding your sister. they say they are "family diseases" and you know first hand how much a family suffers when a member is ill with these deadly diseases. i am thankful that you were God's "messenger" for your sister...yet so many of us in recovery know that we could have ignored the "message" and would probably be dead from these diseases of addiction.
it is, in my mind, "God's grace" that gave me that moment of sanity to seek help. my best friend mary jane got the same message but ended in death due to not being able to grasp on for dear life what she needed to do. we often wonder why some of us "get it" and some of us don't. i'm so happy for your sister and hope she will continue to reap the "rewards" of sobriety. thank goodness you are a part of your sister's new life.  many who recover are not so fortunate.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#6
Dec 16, 2008, 04:15 PM
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(((((((((((((muffy))))))))))))))
i am one of the lucky ones who has been here beside you through your struggles with your sister, like everyone else glad you never gave up, she heard that msg you left and with your help shes come through the other side, it will be a battle and i know you dont like drink or drugs with good reason, yuor children have also learned this lesson also and they will carry it on to there children also
__________________
 No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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#7
Dec 16, 2008, 04:44 PM
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(((muffy))) we share a lot of similarities about some things we've suffered over... im so sorry for you needing to carry so much burden in your life... and i know you know that its kids that makes it all worth it and that is why and how i never have a hard time understanding your true intentions over matters.... you are very wise and counsel us very well and i am always thankful to know the healthy way to view a thing, to know there is a person in my society out there who cares enough to always give her very best, even in the hardest of times... the strength you show me is an encouragement for me to try a little harder, give a little more... you are helping me to see the importance of the family in new light again, the way i remember feeling when i was small, about how great the aunts and uncles and cousins and friends are
i fell off the path a long time ago... it was hard getting back to it and sometimes it feels like it fades just out of view again and then i feel the desperate loneliness of not knowing love... that is the hardest feeling ever.. one smile can turn me around again, give me hope, help me stay afloat... its hard but im trying... thanks for all you do always
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#8
Dec 16, 2008, 04:54 PM
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Quote:
(((((((splitimage)))))))))))) Your right it is hard., So very sad to watch.With my parents I tryed to no end. It was thier choice...sadly..My mom worked almost 30 years in a liquer store. It was always there for her. But was still her choice. I think it was heraditary. As so amny in our family have this. I worry about my kids being at risk. Which they are Your right she will have a life long struggle I am so proud of you being a little over a year sober good job......Be proud of you and keep it up  muffy |
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#9
Dec 16, 2008, 05:03 PM
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Quote:
Your right it is a family disease. I was just there for her. With my parents I failed....I was not going to let her drown if i could help it. But she did the work...all of it..aw I am so glad you heard the message. (((you matter))) Your right had she not heard it she would have been gone with out a doubt like her husband. He never heard it. I am so sorry you lost a friend to it. Its so very hard to watch. Never let go of your message. You are to important muffy |
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#10
Dec 16, 2008, 05:07 PM
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Quote:
You were there ever single time I can not even stand the site of a whiskey bottle...muffy |
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#11
Dec 16, 2008, 05:25 PM
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Quote:
Never fall off the path...the path is always in view...if you can. remember life is to short. Your not alone. Or un loved...remember that always.... muffy
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#12
Dec 16, 2008, 09:02 PM
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That was a very special post muffy...
I congratulate your sister on accepting the miracle of recovery. That is always our choice..to accept or not. "Help" is an interesting word in that within it lies intrinsic complexity. Giving fish and teaching to fish are very old principles and thrive today in the world of addictions. It is always hard to know when to give us a pole instead of a fillet...and harder still when we sell either or both to feed another appetite.. And always the question of motives...why do we help? Is it to fullfill some pennence for unresolved shame or to simply feel better about ourselves and use the suffering of others to bring peace to a personal depression...? In your story,,,you both did well with the fish and the fishing...enough of each to learn humility and the skills and confidence needed to stand alone.. You both have my deepest respect,,what you have accomplished as individuals within a family is very rare but highly coveted... With Care, Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
| Capp, muffy
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#13
Dec 17, 2008, 11:50 AM
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Quote:
((lenny)))) i want to thank you for your post. I too am glad she is clean and boy do i hope and pray she stays that way. As you said and she did its always going to be her choice. Your right help is a hard word...in the beginning I gave to much which did not help her at all. But i could not see what she was doing. I missed it in her voice. FAmily is the most important to me thank you for your kind words. I could not lose another.......... muffy |
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#14
Dec 17, 2008, 12:09 PM
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((muffy))
my FOO--family of origin--are for the most part either alcoholics or addicted to prescription drugs. it was easier, I suppose, for them to numb themselves this way instead of drinking. it was a long time before I understood that way of life wasn't the only way--I had to leave there first. quite a shocker when my observations morphed into "Yahoo!" meaning that alcohol didn't have to be a part of every celebration, etc.. the first few times I was around folks who were celebrating and not drinking, I thought *they* were weird  Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#15
Dec 17, 2008, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
I agree with you. I have a cousin who does just pills. Your right just to numb themselfs. My sister had started with the drinking and the pills as far back as I can remember. I know she drank to feel able to go out. To be accepted she thought. In reality she was self med for her depression she had for years. She now knows that. The rest just followed to deal with our family lose. She never could deal with my parents. It was after that I think the coke came on. She said the same thing first time she was here at christmas and there was no booze. She was like wow this is odd your a good person capp (((ty))) muffy |
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#16
Jan 13, 2009, 11:38 AM
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Update on my sister. She is the reason i found this site as i have
said before.When she came to live with me. Will not go over that again. Any ways she has been going to college and she called me yesterday and said she made the Deans List. I am so very proud of her, She did this all on her own. She has come so far. Over came so much. Really all on her own. I was just a rest spot for her to be able to move on with her live. I was going to say all as i did was listen. To tell you the truth had I been listening good enough way back when she was in FL I should have heard she was going down hill. Thats a hard thing to face. As that then makes me think maybe I was not listening to my Dad either... WHich could have a whole different out come.... She is very smart. I am so happy she has made a come back to life. Her life , her way. ty muffy |
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#17
Jan 13, 2009, 02:05 PM
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Muffy,
That's wonderful that your sister is doing well. You have every right to be proud of her. But you should also remember to be proud of yourself for all the help you've given her, and I'm sure you've been a very important support in her sobriety. --splitimage
__________________
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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#18
Jan 13, 2009, 03:48 PM
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(((((splitimage))))))))))) Thank you I am proud of her. She has come so far as i have said. She says I was .... every now and then I guess i doubt myself. I wonder how i could not have known....
I am really grateful she has come so far I am also grateful she is my sister, that was along time in coming. ((ty)) for listening muffy |
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#19
Jan 13, 2009, 05:39 PM
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Muffy,
Thank you for sharing your experiences so honestly. I have no doubt your sister lives today because you were there for her at exactly the moments that you were - over and over again. But for the grace of God, go I... She has done a miraculous job of pulling herself out-of-the gutter & up by the boot straps. I don't blame you one bit for being proud of her accomplishments. You should be equally proud of yourself and your sacrifices for her and the lessons you have learned. Thanks again for sharing. notz |
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#20
Jan 14, 2009, 10:17 AM
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((((notz)))))) ((ty))) She really did pull herself out of the gutter so to speak.
She worked really hard. At times i am not sure how I feel about me helping her. She says I saved her life. But i do believe she would have done it anyways even if i had not brought her here. When I brought her to my home it was one of the hardest things I did. As i had alot of back feelings from her not being there for me when my parents were passing and my kids growing up. She is coming up to when her husband passed away. Everyone in our family passed all with in the same mths. Just different years. ((my parents being the same year)) He passed away from drinking. We talked last night. Her and I . She is handing it well. the date that is. I told her finally I was sorry I did not step in sooner. She said she had worked so hard at trying to spare me. So i would not know what she was doing. Its not perfect. But nothing in life is. But we have come so very far. For 2 ppl who are sisters. and we never really knew each other. Well i am just so very grateful she is alive. What could have happened scares the heck out of me..... muffy |
| notz
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#21
Jan 17, 2009, 10:47 PM
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I hope you post when sister has accomplishments and anniversaries...it'll be good to see.
notz |
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#22
Jan 17, 2009, 11:17 PM
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Quote:
I hope it scared her just as much. My brothers were never scared enough, even after many overdoses and DOA's they continued to use until they ultimately died from it. Your sister is very lucky to have you in her life. 
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#23
Jan 18, 2009, 02:11 PM
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Quote:
I am so very sorry about your brothers. I do know in my heart..she could go back to it. As it is a disease ppl fight every day. That scares the heck outta me. This last 6 mths her and i have come to a place where we can get along and laugh .Also remember things. (((ty))))) for saying she is lucky to have me. I am lucky and blessed to have you as a friend(((orange)))) muffin |
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#24
Jan 18, 2009, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
Last edited by Orange_Blossom; Jan 18, 2009 at 06:06 PM. |
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#25
Jan 18, 2009, 05:47 PM
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(((((((((orange)))))))))))))))))))))))))) awwwwwwwwwwww You will always be my unbilocal sister too.................... we just look too much alike 
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