[talwinnx]

Hello,

I've been working the steps for a little over a year now and I can't seem to get past step 3, turning my life over to God as I understand God. Here's why:

When I was a child of the age about 7 or 8, my mother abused crack. She would frequently home alone at night. My step-father worked 3rd shift so he wasn't home either. I would get so terrified that something terrible had happened to her (I didn't know she was abusing drugs at this time) and she was never coming home again.

I attended Catholic school and my family was somewhat religious. I was taught in school and church that when I was in trouble I could pray to God or Jesus for help. So when my mom would leave me home alone at night, I would pray to God and Jesus to bring my mother home. It never worked.

I got so angry at God & Jesus that I pretty much lost all faith and even became an atheist for a little while. I couldn't fathom how God could ignore my prayers and let me suffer like that.

During college, I was introduced to marijuana, psychedelics and Buddhism. My spiritual side began to reawaken after many years of supresion. Buddhism really resonated with me , I've been a practing Buddhist ever since.

I so desperately want to work the 12 steps to get over my crushing fear, anxiety and codependency, but my mind just will not accept step 3. Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice for Step 3? Thanks, I really appreciate it!

[brainhi]

I do not think it is black and white.... I did not go through steps.. but I do not think there is a perfect answer regarding God. I would like to think this would not get in the way of your wellbeing. Good Luck... you want to be healthier and your determination shows.

[delta-hb]

Hi Talwinnx

I have been active in ACA for almost 2.5 years now, and the hang-up you describe comes up frequently in the meetings.

The best advice I have heard regarding this is to not get caught up on the word/name "God." Rephrase it into "higher power," "inner child," "loving parent," or whatever term makes it easier for you to identify with.

Step 3 is not about forcing yourself into religious dogma you may or may not agree with/believe in, it's about opening yourself up to the fact that you are unconditionally lovable and worthy of recovery and healing. "God" can be whatever you want to call it, some people even refer to "God" as "Mother Earth." Maybe doing some reading and thought about your inner child will help you find a "God" you are comfortable with - when you understand your inner child and what it needs, you can listen to it - it can act as your higher power.

I hope this helps!

[Cat_Lover_58]

I too had trouble working the 3rd step. I couldn't get past the idea of a punishing God, the God I was raised with. So it was suggested as others above have mentioned, to look at what version works for you-

I recall a sponsor telling me simply think of God as Good Orderly Direction. G.O.D. I really liked that one.

It will come to you. Just keep doing what you're doing. Cat

[angelicgoldfish05]

I have trouble with step 3 but it is because I am too much of a control freak. I don't trust anyone too well, and not even God well. I want to, just afraid bad things will happen, not good, if I do.