[mirieri]

I'm about 4 months pregnant right now and I'm hating every single moment of it. The sickness, the cramps, the exhaustion, EVERYTHING! But what I hate the most, and I hate myself even more for thinking this way, is the weight gain.

I keep repeating my mantra "its for the baby, its for the baby, its for the baby" but I am going insane and I don't know what to do. I am struggling everyday with finding foods that are acceptable to eat. The worst part is that I'm only craving terrible fatty foods right now, I think because I was so underweight when I became pregnant.

My doctors keep telling what a good job I'm doing gaining, but I just want to punch them when they say that. I don't feel like my old self anymore, I feel like a grotesque monster that can't say no to anything. I burst into tears every time I look in the mirror and I can't bring myself to even get near the scale.

I'm worried because I've now begun an unhealthy habit of making these extreme plans for after the baby is born. I've been putting together diets and workout schedules and constantly talking about "when I'm pretty and thin again, I'll do etc." and convincing myself it will all be better. My family just laughs at me and tells me that won't happen and I just better get used to being heavier. I feel even more depressed then when my ED was at it worst.

Has anyone else gone through this? Does it get better? Is there any hope?

[AngelWolf3]

I don't have any great advice for you. I wish I did. But I can TOTALLY relate to what you are going through. I gained a lot with pregnancy. I am glad you have a mantra that helps. I am sorry your family is laughing at you and saying those things. That has to be soooo hard hearing that, because it probably just feeds into your negative self-talk. (i apologize if i am wrong in that, but I know that 's how I feel when my family says things to me)

I can honestly say I don't know if it gets better, but when you hold your little one, it does feel better, I know I felt proud that I was able to ignore the devil inside telling me that I was fat and disgusting, and make this happy healthy little baby.

I know that probably doesn't help. But I went through it twice, and I know what you are going through. Feel free to post and vent anytime.

[mirieri]

Thanks so much! I know when I finally get to meet my lil duckling it will make it all worth it but right now it just feels like torture. In a weird way I am a little glad that I'm putting on some weight, if only so I can turn it into some awesome muscles later instead of the emaciation I had before. I know I'm going to do it right this time, and luckily my partner is being so supportive of the "more working out and less not eating".

And yeah my family is being a total drag. They didn't understand before and they just plain ol don't get it at all now.

[AngelWolf3]

aww that is so cute that you are calling baby little duckling! I love it!!! It is great too, that you have a supportive partner as well!

[nicoleflynn]

Don't vent/talk to people you know will make you feel worse! I lost all of the weight I had gained plus 20 more each pregnancy. Eat healthy and enjoy this time in your life; it doesn't happen often. Talk to women who are pregnant for support; maybe your obstetrician's office knows of a group just to talk?

Yes, it gets better and there is hope, but it is all up to you! Live in the now and stop worrying about tomorrow and after the baby is born.

[nicoleflynn]

P.S. How sad that anyone thinks that pregnancy is about being fat!!

[eskielover]

I was very careful about eating healthy foods while pregnant & I promised myself that I would not gain like all the other friends had.....most looked like the good year blimp. It't been a long time ago....but only gained some weight & my daughter was 8 pounds 2 oz of that weight. Guys in my college cost accounting class thought I had lost weight over the easter holiday vacation......& laughingly said....it really was a baby....but no one really knew I was pregnant until toward the very end.....when I just looked a little heaver than usual.

I had an easy pregnancy & swam most of the time & exercised as much as possible & was even snow skiing the week before I delivered. I had a good Ob who believed that if the pregnancy was healthy, you could do anything that you already knew how to do up to the delivery date......think I proved him right.....healthy for me.....then I ended up having to have a c-section because I was too small for my baby & she was breech & wouldn't turn.....but recovered from that almost immediately also......back into my normal cloths after the 3 day hospital stay......no problems

Anything is possible & still stay healthy

[Victoria'smom]

Has anyone else gone through this? Does it get better? Is there any hope? I have gone through this, gained the weight for baby, and went through PPD because of it after. Ten years later I'm still get upset that I have not lost all of it but I am getting better about it. Does your OBGYN know? if not be careful w. PPD

[mirieri]

Thank you for all the replies, it has really helped just knowing other people have been in similar situations. I've been speaking to my mother about this recently and she's been super supportive. She keeps telling me not to listen to other women and their horror stories about staying huge forever, and that with a little determination I can do anything I set my mind to. She even volunteered to get me one of those jogging strollers! She is truly my inspiration, having gained with me and proceeding to drop all that and more, back to a svelt size even to this day.

@Eskielover - WOW! That is an incredibly story, and I can't even imagine the reactions from your classmates! Thank you for your encouragement!

[ickydog2006]

I have had three friends gain with their pregnancies and drop the weight within two years. I myself had a horrible pregnancy (understatement of the year) but I ate healthy with my mantra and only gained the recommended weight. It's been hard for me because my hips were very small before. Baby at 6'8 was able to make it through, but my hips spread and are not going back. I was (a specific size) before pregnancy. WHen I got back to the same weight after baby I was a bigger size. That hurt a lot. I'm trying to lose more weight now, (to get to a doctor recommended weight), and although I haven't made progress on the weight I'm at least in a smaller size now. Definitely be careful of PPD, I think women with EDs are more prone to have it.

[mama2]

Hey sweetie, im in your EXACT place. This is my second pregnancy. There is hope. Especially if u were.small before getting pregnant. You'll most likely bounce right back to normal. I did. Im a little nervous with this pregnancy, but positive thoughts will get u further. Ive been wanting noyhing but fatty foods.. Im gaining aloy but its good for your baby. Its worth it. Walk everyday. Even if its.right around the.block. It helps. Youre going to keep gaining. Enjoy this time to be able to gain and not feel guilty. Youre doi.g it for your little one. After the baby is born, go for walks, stretch alot, and in time.. That child will give u tje workout of your life. Its so fun! Stay positive. In the end you'll be laughing at yourself for ever feeling this way. I promise you. If you need to feel better about yourself, go get ur nails done, hair did, small shopping spree, you deserve it. Always makes me feel bwtter. Hope all turns out for ya! If you ever need to talk to someone that understands, im here. Stay strong mama! Xo