[Cliff Huxtable]

My girlfriend of 2 years has relapsed into her anorexia. I'm a man with no experience in the disorder so I don't quite understand it, but I love her dearly and want her to be happy and healthy. I tell her every day that I love her and think she's the most beautiful woman in the world but apparently it isn't enough. It makes me so angry that she can't just ######6 eat because it seems so simple to me, but I know I don't understand. So please don't tell me I don't understand. I can't control my anger regarding this and I feel like she's not even trying. I would never give her an ultimatum, but I feel as though if she can't get a handle on this or at least try, it will be the end of us.

[lostconfusedhopeles]

If you like her enough you wont let it ruin the relationship

[Aella]

Go to a therapist regarding anger issues/management? It seems from what you say, there's no need to convince you... just that you need to learn to alter your reaction towards it.

[Swingset321]

It's hard to understand when you have no previous experience with ED. But it seems that you must really care for her to be reaching out to this forum and from what you wrote I can tell you that you are not alone in those feelings as many of my own family/friends were often frustrated with my ED. Not understanding is not a crime, an ED is a hard illness to understand. Just try to keep in mind though that typically an ED is not about trying to look beautiful but about control. An individual with ED usually feels that they cannot control some aspect in their life and will control the only thing they feel like they can control, what they eat (or don't eat). An ED is something that also takes complete control of someone's life. With my own ED it was all I ever thought about: not eating, exercise, calorie restriction, self punishment for eating, etc. So this may be the reason why your attempts at telling your GF that she is beautiful will fall on deaf ears. What you may find helpful is to do exactly what you are doing now: talking to people who are knowledgable about EDs (either through personal experience or a professional) to understand more about what your GF's ED. Also, allowing yourself to get some self care by joining a support group or community just for people who have loved ones with ED. Finding your own space to keep mentally healthy too is important because there will be plenty of tough times ahead. But there is always plenty of support out there for both of you. No shame in seeking help out! There are communities that can help and embrace the both of you. All the best.

[Victoria'smom]

Most of your interactions with her draw it away from food right now. Ie. A walk and a movie instead of dinner and a movie. The more you push food and being around food the more she'll isolate herself from you. Seriously ask if she wants you to eat before coming home from work. Try to get a list of her safe foods and keep the fridge stocked with that and add like 5 small things, add more as the days / weeks go on. The less you are around food the more she'll be around you. Any mention of food/eating/her weight or her apperince will end in a fight you can't win. I know I have turned to my husband and venomously told him to stop calling me beautiful not because I didn't want to hear it but that it set off the list of horribleness I have to change.

Let the drs and therapist deal with her eating disorder. You need to be on her side which means not being precieved against the eating disorder. Remember you love her through sickness and in health. Well this is the sick part. Its mean and cruel to both of you and you will probably need outside support like your own therapist.

I am sorry this is happening to you both

[Bumblebuzz12]

Girls are quite different then boys when it comes to body image and I blame society. I've seen girls get bullied, ignored, and rejected because of there weight and I'm sure we all have. People can be really mean and I'm sure she knows that. She's probably afraid of what other people will think if she was overweight and how that would effect her. To boys your weight doesn't really matter, but some people put pressure on us to be skinny and have the perfect body which causes us to do things like this. It's sad but it's true. She probably thinks that what she is doing is for the best and doesn't realize how wrong it is. Your doing the right thing by telling her how beautiful she is. You sound like you really care for her and I hope you two work through this. Good luck

[possum220]

Having an eating disorder is just like seeing on the tip of the ice berg in relation the emotional issues that are literally eating away at your girlfriend. The voices in her head will always be louder that your words. She needs professional help. This illness isn't about you. It is about her. She needs help.

You need help too with your anger for your sake. Go to see a therapist.

[maddnessreturns]

I agree with all the above. Let the professionals help with the eating disorder and just be there for support. I currently attend and ED clinic and yes my fiance worries but he doesn't try to fix me. He knows I'm getting help and that I'm trying. He gets frustrated but it helps that he knows what I'll eat and when I can't get food for myself will go get it for me. Or will go grocery shopping for me. It is the small things. Keeping her distracted from her thoughts. Loving her at her worst.