I just recently learned about anxiety and how it affects me and where it comes from... in my life anyway. IT comes from always being hurt as a child. So here's the deal. Dad was never around for more than a hot second and as a child I always hoped that he'd stay every time he came around. Got my heart broken every time. Also, there was abuse from another that I won't get into. Anyway, now here we are today. Family and friends are ok and don't bother me. Now stick me in a romantic relationship and get me to fall in love. Skip all the lovey dovey wanting to spend every second together crap and get right to the part where it's nice to have some girl or guy time. It's nice to have that. Or is it? Not if you're me. Girls night out... she's gonna leave me for someone else. She's got to be seeing someone else... or worse yet sleeping with someone else. Now I'm chomping at the bit trying not to call like 5000 times while she's out. Can we say relationship KILLER?!?!?!?!?!?!? Can we say (from her point of view) "Man he's controlling" when I'm not really trying to be. At least I know what the root is so that I can address it and learn do get past the jittery shaky shortness of breath attacks. Anyway, I talked about this in another forum so nvm replying. Just wanted to say it again in the appropriate forum.

Ry

[complic8d]

Hey Ryan! I have abandonment issues. I seem to be past the worry about "what if" and have gone right to the "when" they leave me. I just expect to be abandoned, like there is some horrible person in me that no one will want to be with. It goes back to childhood and being emotionally neglected and thus assuming that there is something wrong with me (or why would they not love me?) It's a core belief that is very hard to change, but I am working on it, and I know you can to! Love ya!

[jmo531]

I too wished for more time with my parents when I was really little but just like you Ry, my wishes never came true. My parents were divorced when I was 9 and I was shuffled back and forth between them so I never had a sense of security or a stable place to live. Each of my parents worked non stop and I never saw them. I also lost my one grandmother at a very early age and I was so close to her. I always felt like I couldnt count on anyone. These feelings did transfer into my adult life and relationships. In the beginning of my relationship with my current husband I was always very insecure and worried that he was cheating on me or that he would cheat on me. It took years and years to get past those feelings. We have been together 10 years and still at time a thought like that will pop into my head like "he's cheating on me". But I know now in my heart that he loves me. That he truely loves me and that is the best feeling in the world. He is my soulmate and I thank GOD that he is in my life.

It was not an easy road to get to. I will have to admit that "I" ruined many a relationships by my jealous, insecure ways. I beleive that my childhood contributed to that and it has caused me alot of anxiety. So, I can relate.
I'll stop babbling now. Geesh...I have been doing alot of that lately.

[wi_fighter]

I'm curious to know if I'll ever get to the point where a relationshiop is a possibility for me again. It's been 3 years without so much as a prospect. I'm starting to worry that I'll get to the point where I'm too old and menopausal for anyone to find me attractive except for old fat guys with mental problems of their own. Anxiety and self esteem issues aren't exactly a real guy magnet, ya know?

((((((((((comp))))))))))

I'm sorry that you suffer from this too. It's certainly not a pleasant thing. Not even a little. But with the therapy and such and the will to fight that you seem to have, you can accomplish anything. I'm here to tell you that there's nothing wrong with you and that you are wonderful to me and I respect every ounce of your opinions. I'm sorry that you're known the pain I've known. It's not fair to any of us. I guess the key is to get moving beyond all this, right? I guess we'll go through it together. How's that sound?

Ry

[jmo531]

I think a realtionship is possible for you. C'mon, a beautiful girl like you. I bet there banging down the door. Yeah I agree, self esteem and anxiety are not "guy magnats" but there are men out there who are loving and understanding. They are the special ones. Dont ever give up on that sweetie.

((((((((((Jen))))))))))

I'm so glad that you've been able to move past all this. It gives me hope. And 10 years... WOW!!! Quite the commitment. It speaks volumes for your will to move past this. You mention setbacks. I know there will be setbacks for me too. But I'll get through them just like you do.

Ry

[jmo531]

I have no doubt sweetie......you will get through them.

love ya

WI Fighter... they're not chick magnets either. The minute a woman shows a bit of interest I'm wanting to run and hide. Then it gets good for a while till I blow it. Again, how bout we all go through this together?

Ry

Thanks (((((Jen))))). I know I will too... especially when I got peeps like you behind me.

Ry

[INaBOX]

I can relate. My dad was never really around when I was growing up and when he was, hell broke loose. I was raised around mostly women, including my 3 older sisters. I was in a controlling relationship that I ended and now I've been single for nearly 4 years. Just the thought of going ANY pain, I just can't phathom - both on a romantic level as well as in a friendship level. Honestly, I can't even say I know much about men. They intimidate me. I can barely look at one in the eye without acting nervous or behaving inappropriately (like they 'want' me). It's weird.

I don't have a solution to your problem but therapy definately is a great way to start. The fact that you're aware as to WHY this is happening is only half the battle.

You're right inabox. The other half is about learning how to deal with it constructively and resolving the issue so that it will ease with time. Thanks for the input.

Ry