Socializing Issues

Hey everyone,

Ever since I had my first "breakdown" about 15 months ago, I've been REALLY bad for keeping socializing plans with my friends. We'd make plans, and then I'd cancel. Sometimes it'd be because I was anxious, but mostly because I'd be feeling depressed and not up to it.

As of recent, however, I've been sad to learn that my friends don't even include me in plans BECAUSE I've cancelled so much in the past. :/ They have no faith in me anymore. A couple of times I've jokingly said "Hey guys, how about inviting me?" And they'd answer with something like "But we know you'd cancel", or "As if you'd go!"

This makes me feel even more down and depressed...since my first "breakdown", I've only kept in touch with 2 friends basically...I'm not the best at socializing. I'm fine at school, I'm actually considered pretty funny...but I can hardly make plans outside of school without cancelling.

I'm not even sure if I'm asking for help, because I can predict your answers: "You just have to get out more, try new things! Don't be afraid!" But I'm not afraid...I just don't do it.

Do you do other things, such as attend church, go shopping, get out on your own at least?

Junerain, I go to school almost every day, and I sometimes go out with my family to do groceries just down the street. It's very hard though, whenever I get inside the house I don't want to leave.

Many cannot understand how difficult it is at times for those of us plagued by mental illness to be sociable. Most of my siblings no longer talk to me. I do not necessarily take umbrage at their apparent indifference. Sometimes an illness is just hard to figure out.

After being quite isolated for well over a decade, this too speaks to the plight of those who do not venture out of their comfort zone:

If it's getting INSIDE the house that makes you not want to leave...how about asking friends (YOU ask THEM) to head out for coffee or dinner RIGHT after class ends!!

I cancel all the time too. I've had the same problem. My friends would invite me to hang out, but I never felt like going. They eventually quit hanging out with me. Reading your post actually made me realize that this was a problem I was creating for myself. I may try scheduling things with friends before I get home so that I'm already out and can't use that as an excuse, as another poster suggested. We'll see how it goes Good luck with addressing the issue

I'm sorry they're not including you right now. I cancel things too, and it's hard to keep in touch with people.

Do they know about your anxiety/depression? If not, maybe they feel like you rejected them if you had to cancel a few times. Even if they do know they could still feel that way; it can be hard to be understanding about something you have never gone through.

Is it easier if someone picks you up? Can you invite people to the house, or does it feel like they are invading your refuge then?

I'm glad you can still see people at school and keep in touch with a few close friends. Good luck working on it!

I do this too. The other thing I do is that I won't answer phone calls or return phone calls from people I care about and really want to talk to. It is weird because I will be fine and then the phone will ring and it is like someone flipped the anxiety switch on full power. I'll panic and not answer. Then I get nervous every time I try to return the calls. I love my friends and I want to bring them closer to me but I do this and push them away instead. I don't know why I do this. It makes no sense to me. I have been doing better lately.