[BamaSurvivor]

About a month ago, I had a near death experience. I was almost hit by a diesel truck head on. Every since then, I've had this huge fear of dieing... It's not death I'm scared of, it's the unknown of how and when I'll die. Will I die a long painful death, will I die at a young age, etc, etc... I lay in bed at night crying and can't get to sleep because these thoughts consume my very being. I can't even drive anymore without feeling panicked and scared. I'm nervous the whole time I'm driving until I reach my destination.

Is this normal? How can I get rid of these thoughts and just enjoy what life I do have? This really bugs me. I'm terrified.

[(JD)]

Help me out a little here, did you have a near death experience in addition to the scare of nearly being hit by the truck? Or is that what you are referring to ( a close call with death?) I can see why this might upset you or anyone! But after the fact, things should settle down... unless there are issues with death and afterlife that concern you. Are you feeling "regret" over what you haven't done, or is something like that included in your feelings?

We don't discuss religion per-se here on this site, but it is an area you might find some peace through. (Most ppl who are in the active process of dying do become interested in such.)
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/how_to_be_saved.html
http://www.dougbrittonbooks.com/anxi...tudyverses.asp

I think you can find other links from those. Also, google or yahoo "death and dying" and you can find loads of links.

I've had many "near misses" as they call them. And I'm not afraid of dying, but, like you, I sure would not like it to be a complete surprise!

TC

[BamaSurvivor]

Thanks for the links, Sky.

It was more a close call with death than a near death experience. He ran me off the road and I landed in a small ditch.

I'm not scared of dieing, I know it's part of life. I'm not scared of the afterlife, because I know where I'll go. It's just the unknown of it all. Scares the crap out of me. I get jitery thinking about it.

[(JD)]

(((HUGS))) in that respect (being scared to actually do it) you are probably with the majority of all of the human race. (I doubt animals contemplate their life or death.)

[BamaSurvivor]

(((Sky)))

I wonder if most people think about it and stress over it as much as I do... It's starting to interrupt my daily living.

[LostandLonleySoul]

Bama I think about death everyday. I am scared what it might bring. Growing up we believed in heaven and hell. What if it is just a bunch of lies? You are not the only one out there. I have a 92 yr old grandmother who is scared to death of dyingg. I was near death in January and I almost didn't make it. I spent three weeks in a drug induced coma and three weeks recovering. Everynight after I take my meds I think is this my last night? Will I not make it through the next day? I hardley ever leave my house. I really have let the fear of dying take over my life.

If you find something that helps please let me know.

[BamaSurvivor]

Kathie, I'm sorry this fear has consumed you too. I haven't gotten to the point of not leaving the house, but I fear it will come to that because I'm scared of driving or riding in a car now whereas before I wasn't. I WANT to live life to it's fullest while I'm still alive and not worry about what could happen or when it could happen, but my thoughts of it consume me and I can't control it.

[LostandLonleySoul]

as my Granny told me (today) that in time you will be able to live life to it's fullest and experiance what the heart desires. Don't let the fear become too over powering. (she is 92)

[BamaSurvivor]

Wise granny... Hope I can get to that point soon. I had gotten to where I actually enjoyed life until the near wreck I had. Now I'm too consumed in fear to enjoy it. blah

[LostandLonleySoul]

I second the BLAH. lol. She says that in order to get over your fear that you have to face it and get over it. I say she has never been in any situation like anyone here. Who is she to know?

[(JD)]

Perhaps not. It has gone to unreasonable? Trauma requires us to go over and over and over the event, preferable with someone who listens and can help us put it in it's proper place. (In the brain, properly "filed.")
The object is to DO something about these thoughts. You can try STOPPING... I mean, it's a technique called that. where as soon as you realize those thoughts are running, you tell your brain (self) STOP. Maybe an additional line like, that isn't happening right now, so I don't need to think about it right now.

[Eternal_Cat]

the buddhists have a good perspective on death.
And everything is accepted as impermanent by them, they live in the moment and do not worry about such things. Maybe you could do this. I have a pic of a buddha on a laptop for a reason.

[dayzee9]

(((((((((((BamaSurvivor))))))))))))

Don't worry, you're not insane. What you're going through is not abnormal.

I know dozens of other ppl who go through the same "periods" that you are experiencing. I went thru it myself many a time growing up. Got a real bad case of it after my 2nd brother to die d/t complications from a previous suicide attempt. 1 year ago......one day he just laid down for a nap & he just never woke up. Fluid in the lungs (he tried the rifle thru his chest; missed his heart by a millisecond, but perforated & collapsed one lung)

After my 1st brother's very successful rifle to chest suicide.....I was 14, he was 18...the Vietnam scene was real bad...I was obsessed about death......

How I got out of it was to journal... Putting my feelings whenever they come up...it's what I call "puking on paper...keep a notebook handy and whenever you start to obsess about death...grab that notebook & just write what's going on, what you're thinking/feeling....be literally RAW

And if you have a T work thru what you've written; it could help?

Just a thought *hugs!*

Peace, DAYZEE9

[BamaSurvivor]

Cat, I wish it were that easy... I try very hard to live each day to it's fullest, but it's so hard to block these thoughts that often times I can't live how I want. I'll try harder.

dayzee, good suggestion... I already write poetry and it helps a little, maybe a journal will help more and I can show my therapist and she can come up with ways of coping. Thanks!

[Schatze]

Hi Bama,

I wanted to let you know that your symptoms of not leaving the house, your trauma disrupting your life, etc. are very much like mine and I have PTSD. If these sypmtoms keep up, I would see a therapist. If it is effecting you that much, the symptoms may not go away without professional help. Just because you weren't hit by the truck doesn't mean you didn't absolutely fear for your life...this is enough to cause PTSD. Please take good care of yourself. If this is PTSD, your symptoms are only going to get worse unless you treat them.

Please take good care of yourself,

[BamaSurvivor]

Thank you Schatze... I see a therapist but have only seen her once since this incident happened. We briefly talked about it but then moved on... I'll bring it up again in more detail my next visit with her. I know I'm not getting any better. I've cried myself to sleep the past few nights in fear I may die the next day.

(((((((((((BAMA)))))))))))

My heart goes out to you! My inner-child is nodding her head. She knows exactly how you feel!

My dad died when I was ten and they told me "It's okay. He went peacefully. He died in his sleep."

I was afraid to close my eyes for two years. Just as I would start to drift off to sleep at night, I would jerk myself awake. I would try everything not to fall asleep. (die)

(Of course now looking back at it, at ten I probably only stayed awake until 11 pm, but it sure felt like all night back then.)

I now know that was the start of my chronic/complex PTSD.

I don't know what to say to help you. I offer no words of wisdom, just an empathetic hug and a shoulder to lean on.

Petunia

[(JD)]

Crying oneself to sleep is a miserable feeling... and I always tell my T when it happens... usually by saying "I'm tired of..." ((((hugs))))) sigh.

[Schatze]

Please don't cry, you're not going to die tonight in your sleep. I'm glad you mentioned this to your T. Hopefully talking about it with your T will help you get to sleep better.

[BamaSurvivor]

((((((((Petunia)))))))) Thanks for understanding.

((((((((Sky))))))) and ((((((((Schatze))))))))

I've still been under a lot of stress due to this. Still crying myself to sleep, scared to drive long distances, I'm shaky the whole time I drive and it's such a huge relief once I get to where I intended on going. It's tough dealing with this.

[Schatze]

I'm so sorry sweetie, I wish I could help you stop crying at night. I completely understand about your fear of driving. I have a fear of leaving my home so when I drive I'm just a nervous wreck. For nine months I couldn't/wouldn't drive my children, but I'm starting to be able to again. It is very stressful and very tough dealing with that. I wish I could make your stress go away but for now all I can do is offer you a sympathetic ear and hope that helps you a little.

You're being very strong by getting back in a car after what happened to you. I admire your strength and courage and although you may feel stressed, you are doing great.

I'll keep you in my prayers, Missi

[BamaSurvivor]

Thanks, Missi! It helps to know someone understands and cares instead of brushing it off as a joke. My parents aren't taking it seriously and that's bugging me too. Good to know I can come here and vent and know people care.

We're taking it seriously, Bama!

I can still feel that awful fright all these years later.



((((((it's okay Bama))))))

Petunia

[BamaSurvivor]

Just an update:

It's not getting any better... I wrote out my goodbyes and my will this evening. It's 12 pages long, I cried almost the whole time writing it. I'm so scared of dieing, and feel it may be creeping near, so I wrote my goodbyes so everyone knows how I feel. I wish I could live again as I once did. *sigh*