[jmo531]

I had a really horrible day yesterday. I posted the jist of it in the Psychosis and Schitz forum. It probably didnt belong there but the intensity of my feelings I thought best to post it there at the time.

I had a severe anxiety attack yesterday at my T's office. Very scary. I had lots of feelings before, during and after this attack that has left me pondering several things. Such as a "safe" place. I made a post in general about certain things that make me feel safe so if and when another attack happens I can refer to it for comfort.

Ever since yesterday, I feel like I have taken a step backwards in my therapy. I really thought that I was getting along well and doing everything that I am supposed to be doing. I am feeling a little let down by yesterday. Maybe its me being hard on myself but it is how I feel.

I was sent a PM last night that made me think a little bit about how my life has changed these last few months and how these changes have effected my life.

I was dx'd with Depression, Panic Disorder and OCD

I took 3 months of med leave from my job

I quit my job after several years

I have sold my home

I am moving from Virginia to Texas

I am buying a new home

I have been in contact with my x husband for the first time in 7 years.

These are just the major things I can think of that has occured in the last few months. I guess that maybe I have ignored my anxiety regarding these changes and all that has built up.

I am sitting here as we speak thinking about and analysing (sp) my feelings from the incident yesterday. How I can avoid the next one, warning signs to llok for, creating other outlets for my anxiety so it doesnt build up, just various things.

Another stress and worry is my mother. She is very ill. She has been bed ridden. Her throat is so swollen that the opening is the size of a straw. She was unable to take her anti-biotics orally so they had to give her an injection. I worry about my mother so much. She is severely over weight, works to hard, and runs a household with a husband and 2 teenage children. She smokes. She runs back and forth taking my little brother and sister to different activities and such. She lost her mother and brother last year and I just worry so much about her.

As someone mentioned earlier to me, when it rains it pours and that is how I am feeling right now.

To top things off my T is on vacation until the week after next. I called her today and checked in with her but she never called me back . I met her boss yesterday and I am supposed to check in with her next week but I dont even know her so that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I am sorry if it seems that I am whining. I just needed to get all this off my chest. Thank you for listening.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

((( JMO ))) By focusing on how to avoid another panic attack...you may be feeding the anxiety and OCD ....maybe...Do you have the ANXIETY AND PHOBIA WORKBOOK??? If not please go get it...well not at 12 a.m but do get it it can help with coping skills ...You have a LOT of hard things you are dealing with and anyone would be overwhelmed even those folks I hear of called....*normal* ..We are here

HUGE HUGS

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

JMO...add Temination to your list...I am sure leaving your T is on your mind and leaving the session last time may have a deeper meaning..I am gonna shower go look at the pic I posted for Petunia and Kimmy and someone else...I dont know her/him yet

[jmo531]

Pic? Where?

[GreyGoose]

jmo531

My heart breaks for you hon. Sometimes life just seems to keep piling things one on top of the other with no end in sight until we just don't feel we can handle anymore and it becomes overwhelming. I know first-hand the agony you must be feeling. I'm going through some similar trials and tribulations myself and I know it is'nt easy sometimes. Hang in there and and just know that I am ALWAYS here for you ok?.

- GreyGoose

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

JMO its over in Petunias safe place in DID....enjoy...

[jmo531]

I am in hell.

please read my pm......

[gardenergirl]

Oh dear. It sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I'm sorry you are hurting. You know, I can understand how it might feel like you took a step back in therapy. I feel that way whenever my depression recurs. But also think of the good things you have done and the progress you have made. You haven't lost that. The cool thing is you can get there again, and probably much faster.

In the meantime, just breathe.

Safe hugs to you.

gg

[GreyGoose]

jmo531

First of all, I don't wan't you to take this the wrong way or think I'm coming on "too strong" but around our house, we won't see anyone suffer, go hungry or go without help for thier problems. I am a Christian who does not force his beliefs on other people and I NEVER judge them. If you are having problems in life that you cannot cope with, you are welcome to come stay with us for as long as needed (You are welcome to contact us via PM to discuss privately as you feel comfortable to do so).

God has a purpose for all of us here on earth and he has given us a mandate to help others and I would welcome you into our home with open arms and do everything to make you feel comfortable (no "preaching" or other strings attached - ie- please feel right at home!). God's word tells us that he will give us no burden that is to difficult for us to bare and that anything we ask in HIS name, he will do it. In 43 years on this earth, God had NEVER let me down and he won't let you down either!.

If you would like to contact me via PM, I will be happy to chat with you you and to assist you in dealing with your issues. Noone should have to suffer alone or in silence.

If you are having serious problems (as it seems you are), you are welcome to come stay with us for as long as necessary.

Just let me know. I feel your pain hon.

- GreyGoose

[jmo531]

Thank you guys for your replies.

I just got up from a much needed nap. I am doing a bit better today. Had a pretty busy morning. I get those moments where I am feeling disconnected from things but they only last for a few minutes. I know that is part of the anxiety so I am dealing. I will write more later when I can gather my thoughts better.

Grey,

I will PM you later, ok? Thank you.

[Eternal_Cat]

You've certainly undergone a lot of changes lately. Continue to be kind to yourself, I'm sure you'll come out of these "interesting times" all right.

[jmo531]

Thanks CAT,

I am trying to be easy on myself and take things slowley. Your support means alot to me.

Take care,

Jen