[Rhiannonsmoon]

Having a very high anxiety level day today. Headache, racing thoughts, shakey on the inside and out and very agitated, much worse than usual.

I don't know whats causing it I was fine yesterday, even happy for a while. As usual I was feeling the anxiety before I actually woke up (I so wish I could flip the switch causing that).

I've done all the usual things but nothing is working today (it's morning in Australia), I really wish this disorder didn't exist; I've been fighting it for 5 hours now...I just can't seem to let it go the things I normally use are not working...feel like a helicopter in a tornedo

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

...feel like a helicopter in a tornedo

Now there's an image!

As bad as this is, are you able to "collect data" -- record feelings so you can tell your T later? "I've done all the usual things but nothing is working today...." Does this mean that it's a different "type" of anxiety than normal or simply more intense?

I hope this spell passes quickly. I hope you can bring something out of it to prevent its recurrence.

[lynn P.]

(((rhiannonsmoon))) - what self methods are you using? Are you limiting caffeine? Hope it eases up soon.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Rohag, Lynn,

This is more intense than normal and I feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. I've written some down, but I'm trying to keep busy replying on PC because that keeps me almost focused on somthing else other than my feelings of anxiety...

I've been doing breathing exercises, body relaxation techniques and mind relaxation techniques. I don't drink tea, coffee or soft drink other than water, I gave up coffee when I gave up cigarettes 3 years ago (I used to light up a smoke with every coffee so the association had to be broken).

I can hear the very loud dhuff dhuff music at the house down the street; it's friday so I guess they are going to be having a loud party again tonight...that could have triggered me. They live at the very end of the street but it feels like the music is on in my house...that is how loud and banging it is...

I may have to spell them again...Full moon time always brings out the fruitbats though we're in a waning phase the moon is only just off full so the trouble makers are out...Thanks for making me think about it and work it out...

((((((((hugs))))))))

[CJR520]

I really understand how you feel! Sometimes everything just piles up on us, and, for some reason, some of us cannot handle things like others can. I am on meds again and waiting for them to take full effect. Doing better, but not like I want to be yet. How are you handling your anxiety? I find myself not wanting to do anything, just lay around, and that is not good, I know, but my energy level was nothing, getting a little better.

[feary]

I feel like that every day all day Rhiannonsmoon and nothing helps

Sorry this is happening, Rhiannonsmoon.

[rohshall]

Hi Rhiannonsmoon,

I have the exact same problem. I feel anxiety from the moment I wake up. I have learned to repress this emotions since childhood. But I have been unable to feel normal and I used to blame these emotions as my scourge.

I am not sure whether I can explain it properly. But I will try -
When I get up, I feel the anxiety that I should reach work before 8.30 though my work hours are a bit flexible (I cannot pinpoint my anxiety exactly, because it's always there and I have gotten kind of used to ignoring it). Even though I get up at 6.30 or so, I still keep a new target to reach work at 7.30, though these is no need. When I am with people, I am anxious about whether I am being easy-going and whether I am liked by others. And I have been feeling low about having these anxious feelings which prevents me from achieving these goals. They make me social awkward and make me appear less confident and easy prey for social criticism.

So, imagine my surprise when I reflected after reading books and realized that in the tussle that goes on within me, the resistance to achieving my goals is the true me and the goals I have (to appear socially suave, etc) are somebody else's goals (of my parents, actually). So, all the while I have been identifying with the wrong part within me (the commander or the goal setter) instead of the part that is me ( i.e. the resistance to these goals) who wants to enjoy, and be naughty, playful. And the funny thing I realized is the way I resist these goals within myself is the same way I used to resist demands from my parents. So, the same childhood drama has been happening within me and all the while I have been taking my parents' side rather than mine.

I am quite glad, I have been fighting internally with the parts that are not me, though I identified with these parts.

So, in short, the anxious parts you would love to get rid of, in order to have a 'good' life, may be the real you. And you should get rid of the poachers that entered into you personality through your parents or any authoritarian figure instead.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thanks for taking he time to respond ((((feary)))) ((((Byz)))) ((((CJR)))) ((((roshall)))),

Dear feary I do understand how you feel, and I also know that it is somewhat comforting to you that there is someone who not just understands but really empathises with you because they've been through it.

Dear Byz thanks for your support it really is appreciated and I hope I can really support you in turn

Dear roshall, thanks for your input it does make sense, but the parts within me are very real and very argumentative and forceful about what they want. It takes all my strength to stop them from shouting out in public; it's as if theres a fight going on internally all the time for one of them to be "out" and in control. I feel split into several pieces; and we are having conversations in my head about so much different stuff.

The anxiety feels like it's just me...If I can explain that...The other people feel as if they are in control at peace (even though they are hollering to get out), and I am the one who worries and gets anxious for all of us, or because of them?.

This anxiety is like I am totally unable to pinpoint what I am anxious about. It is impossible for me to communicate person to person, thats my partner and IM, the phone or any other way.

I'm unable to read that much because I can't focus long enough the agitation gets too much and the chronic neck and back pain, and frozen shoulder pain is just too strong for me to ignore and always stops me from concentration as well.

But thank you, you have given me something to think about...maybe it is the fact that my mum pushed me to fail and set me up to fail with all of her negative comments and insults; I was lousy at math (but advanced honours with science they couldn't work that out...eventually I was found to have dyscalcula and very mild dyslexia)
Anyhoo I'll think on what you so generously took the time to write, thank you

[rohshall]

Hi Rhiannonsmoon,

The parts that cry out in us to grab our attention are our needs (and we experience it as anxiety). Due to bad parenting, we ignore them just like our parents ignored our needs. This is called re-parenting, learning to take care of ourselves i.e. our needs.
A good parent should not be a passive witness to his children crying, but he will listen and try to fulfill his child's needs. The same way we should treat ourselves, our needs. Then the parts in us will not cry out loud to grab our attention.