[GreyGoose]

Hi

Sex...religion...a volatile mixture and often taboo in our society to even discuss. Put them together, mix in a little OCD and you have Scrupulosity - a disorder in which the afflicted individual is constantly afraid of sexually sinning and being severely punished by God. No masturbation, no sex, no sexual fantasies, etc. The bottom line is that sex out of wedlock, masturbation, kinky sex or sex with anyone (or anything) else other than a female whom you are married to is strictly forbidden and even then, sex must be carried out in the dark, missionary position only and it must not take more than a few quick thrusts to complete the dirty task. Oral sex, fondling, petting, kissing, the use of "toys", etc is strictly fobidden. Those who are unmarried are therefore forced to live a life of celebacy. They might as well be priests or eunuchs.

This is the life I have lived for months now. Many months. I have lot of mental problems (Tourette's, Depression, Anxiety, ADD, etc) and am extremely awkward around other people. Actually, I am TERRIFIED of other people - even my own relatives. Doing without sex for months has driven me to the brink of insanity. I am getting desparate. Sex appears in my dreams, nightmares and daily fantasies and yet I know I must not have sex of any kind. I'm going nuts.

And I DO believe God punishes people who have un-Christian sex because every time I have disobeyed my religion and "played around" a little bit, something bad has happened to me and I mean REALLY bad. For example, I had sex one day and a few days later, I practically sliced my finger off and had to go through weeks of surgery, therapy, etc. Then I had sex again and the next morning I woke up and had a severe case of vertigo. It never fails and I could provide countless other examples of times I have had sex and been severely punished by God (or so it seemed). At first, I was sure it was just a coincidence but I no longer feel that way because it never fails...have sex...something bad happens..every time!.

Right now, I have a beautiful (and very clean) girlfriend who is willing to do almost anything (within reason of course) and she is the REAL thing (not some cheap ***** or something) but yet I've repeatedly had to forcibly remove her hand from my pant's to prevent any "evilness" from taking place - even though I was going nuts wanting to engage her!. She has had every test, is very faithful, has proven to me her entire background, I've met all of her relatives, etc. She is hiding nothing from me but she is not ready for marriage yet (for legitimate reasons) and yet I can't even kiss her???.

Anyway, I don't know what else to say. I might as well cut off my "stuff" down there because it has become useless to me. I feel like I have been put in a straight-jacket. I even went to a prominant Christian site and explained my problem to them and they banned me!!. Oh my gosh...I must be the dirtiest person on earth or something!!!.

Anyone else going through this?. I have been diagnosed with OCD and all the other "mental" stuff so maybe it's just the OCD playing on my mind or maybe it's really God punishing me for every little thing (it sure seems like it!!). When I was younger (I'm 43 now) I used to be a regular "stud" and could have SAFE sex any time I wanted it, masturbated frequently, used toys, etc. Bottom line is that if I wanted ANY type of sex, I could have it 24/7. Have I become a prude?...a Luddite??. What is going on with my depressing life???. Would it be a "Sin" to even walk around naked or even scantily clothed in the same house with this woman as long as no "naughty stuff" was taking place?. I'm just asking.

Just looking for answers and I'm sorry if I have offended anyone.

- Regards, GreyGoose

[wisewoman]

The answers are in classic OCD treatment. You are not evil. Ocd three biggest, dirt, sin, sex, add scrupulosity and symerty in there and hey, You sure you aren't my daughter? No joke hun, there is treatment, do a search on a residential treatment for OCD with specialists in the feild. Don't let it take over your life anymore. I don't think I have said this here but I have a very brave 17 year old who told me recently her life is on hold until she can get serious treatment as the OCD is disabling. Oh my goodness I really hope our insurance funds it and I hope we are allowed to drop and run because I am her mom and I know how painful the compulsions and obsessions are. Good luck. Treat it now, take back your life.

[dottie]

Hi. How long have you been with your girlfriend? Do you have a lot in common with her? You see..there is so much more involved in giving you an appropriate and hopefully WISE advice.

[wisewoman]

Dottie, I am confused by what is aboc=ve so p.m. me if you would so we can understand eachother. That response felt awkward.

Grey Goose, I wish I knew where you were but you can look up the ocd foundation on google.

[GreyGoose]

Hi

Thank you so very much for the replies. I so desparately wanted to hear that!) but if you will allow me to play the Devil's advocate for a moment, some would say that this is the "tongue of the serpent" speaking. To have sex out of wedlock (any type of sex) is to defy God and not be obedient to him. In short, by having sex, I am defying God and spitting in his face (at least that is how some radical, fundamentalist Christians feel from what I'm told). Why is Christianity so strict on sex?. Why is killing soldiers, aborting fetuses, using innocent animals in experiments, slaughtering cows/pigs/chickens, invading and massacuring sovereign nations (woman and children), etc, "ok" but if I want to kiss my girlfriend, suddenly I'm the scourge of the earth??. Nothing makes any sense to me anymore. I'm sorry if I seem like some radical "fringe thinker" but I'm just missing something here and I want to have sex so bad (and I could saftely/easily if I wanted to) that it is wrecking my entire life and making me miserable beyond belief (sort of like offering a starving human man/woman - woman/man (or vice-versa) a steak, salad and baked potatoe w/ sour cream and then pulling it away from them at the last moment. Why do we have to suffer like this?. Again, I'm sorry for my emotional "plea" but I am becoming so desparate that I am about ready to denounce my religion (which would mean hell-fire and doomsday). Of course, I CAN'T do this and so I must live a life of celebacy wether I like it or not because someday I WILL die and God will be my judge. It may be the "right" thing to do but it is definately NO fun and I am sincerely and honestly going NUTS from it.

Again, sorry but those are my true feelings.

- Regards, GreyGoose

[wisewoman]

Hey, I am not suggesting throwing your religious values to the winds. I am saying that even people of your same religion have a better time of all this guilt and stuff then you. The ocd is shoating in your ear. No, don't have sex if that is your belief, but process the obsessional quality of this and it will get better. Also there are many other pieces of you affected by the ocd.

[GreyGoose]

Wisewoman...you do sound very wise. Please help me!!!

[bebop]

greygoose. hon you need to read the bible if you think that a husband and wife are not allowed pleasures that you mentioned. nowhere does it says those things are sins. I do understand that you believe that unmarried sex is a sin and according to the bible yes but I don't believe it says even masturbation is a sin.
I really hope you feel better really soon

hi tim..sorry to see you struggling with this..i think the previous posters gave some good advice...please always remember that that damn ocd will make us think things that just aren't so..love you always....your friend julia

[dottie]

Hi. You are having normal feelings, in my humble opinion, with respect to your very human and personal need.

God knows how you are feeling. Trust in HIM to help you with this.

If I knew you more on a persoanl level...I probably could be more helpful.

In any case, you are in my prayers.

~Dottie

[jennie]

I think you should reconsider your ideas about sex and about God. Somehow you need to balance the two ideas so you don't feel so guilty and ashamed.

I personally do not believe God wants to (or has) punish(ed) you. "God is love. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." 1 John 4:18 I also believe that it is impossible to live perfectly without sin. That is where prayer and repentence comes in a Christian's life.

Below is an excerpt from THE SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE; a Christian Counseling book to help people with Self-Worth.

-----------------------------------------------------
THE SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE, by Robert McGee

MY SELF WORTH = MY PERFORMANCE + OTHERS’ OPINIONS

In other words, we meet our God-given needs for love and acceptance by either COMPULSIVENESS or WITHDRAWAL (AVOIDING RISK).

Robert McGee lists the four most common false beliefs:

1. The Performance Trap
<ul type="square"> [*] False Belief: I must "measure up" in order to feel good about myself.[*] Consequences: (1) Fear of Failure (2) Perfectionism (3) Driven to succeed (4) Manipulating others to achieve success (5) Withdrawal from risks[*] Christian Answer: JUSTIFICATION - Romans 3:22-24 "Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus"[/list]
2. The Approval Addict
<ul type="square">[*] False Belief: I must be accepted by certain others in order to feel good about myself.[*] Consequences: (1) Fear of rejection (2) Attempting to please others at any cost (3) Overly sensitive to criticim (4) Withdrawing from others to avoid disapproval[*] Christian Answer: RECONCILIATION - 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them."[/list]
3. The Blame Game
<ul type="square">[*] False Belief: Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished.[*] Consequences: (1) Fear of punishment (2) Punishing others (3) Blaming others for personal failure (4) Withdrawal from God and others (5) Driven to avoid failure[*] Christian Answer: PROPITIATION - "My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; And he is the propitiaion for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world."[/list]
4. Shame
<ul type="square">[*] False Belief: I am what I am; I cannot change; I am hopeless.[*] Consequence: (1) Feeling of shame (2) Hopelessness (3) Inferiority (4) Passivity (5) Loss of creativity (6) Isolation (7) Withdrawal from others[*] Christian Answer: REGENERATION - Titus 3:5-7 "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Spirit; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life."[/list]