Im Afraid Of EVERYTHING?!

For my whole entire life I've been a very paranoid person, Im scared of dying, but yet I contemplate suicide, Im scared of failure, death, and the "unknown".

I am scared that I will end up in the future like I am now: lonely, depressed, ugly, and broke. I want to be sucessful and have a nice life, but I am just afraid that I'll be living under my mom for the rest of her life, Im only 18 and so much has happened that I'm scared that I'm about to fail at life. I'm not in college like im supposed to be (**** happens;I got into one but I couldn't go) so now Im trying to get into college in the spring but it's taking so long and I've never had a job, I've applied for millions of jobs in the last 2 years and have only been on 2 interviews and it makes me think that I won't ever in my life get a job because I haven't had one yet, and then If I do go off to college Im gonna be scared because I don't know what's gonna happen!

And I'm scared that Im gonna die, like back during the new year in 1999 I cried hysterically (I was 7 years old) because I had heard the world was gonna end, and when I realized the world was still there I was ok, but when people hype up doomsday predictions they apparently don't understand that people are gonna get SCARED! and now I have to constantly search the internet finding out if 2012 is real or not, I have heard from scientists that it's not, but WTFFF? Im scared!

I hate not knowing what my future is gonna be like because apparently I have no control over my life at this point, I try and try and try until I can't try any more at things, but I don't know what to do, you know how they say "chase your dreams" or "go for it"? go for WHAT? I've chased my dreams AWAY to the point where it's SO impossible for me to achieve anything, for instance, I enrolled into a uni here and everything was ok, but now the financial aid deadline has passed and the first college I was going to my financial aid never kicked in at all and I had applied several months in advance and I can't get grants/scholarships because I've tried and I suck. And plus the major is not my passion in life. I really wanna go to one of The Art Institutes but I don't know if I wanna stay here, and the application fee is $100?! and we don't even have money to eat and pay rent, and they want $100...But guess what? I don't have $100 because I can't get a ****ING JOB!!!!

I had to go to the ER a few months ago because apparently there is a HUGE polyp in my intestines and it swells every time I get stressed out, causing me to not have an appetite, get smaller, and look uglier, but I can't help it, IT'S STILL IN THERE; IT WAS TOO BIG TO REMOVE!!!

I have meds to take but I can't take them every day, I have to save them for when I get out on my own b/c Im scared of people. Besides, if we are gonna die in 2012 what's the point of trying? shouldn't I just kill myself and get it over with?

ConCarne, it sounds like you are under a huge amount of stress right now(and you have been for a long time.) I wish I had some answers for you but all I can say is that I'm familiar with stress and the fear of failing. You're not alone in your struggles. Please hang in there. I hope something will help you out soon.

anxieties almost killed me, but they never quite did,, and finally one day i began to laugh, and i've been laughing ever since,, it's a wonderful treatment ,, and it's free,, oh i hope you find some laugher laying around and aren't afraid to pick it up and use it~!! Best Wishes,,, Gus

BIG coming your way Concarne!
May you find peace and solace sometime in the very near future.

Worries can be debilitating. Just try to focus on the positive. Getting over one fear is a step even if another one takes its place. Hope you find a way to comfort yourself from all this stress.

Same logic:
We all get old and die, shouldn't I just die now?

Answer:
Many people smarter than you and I have asked "to be or not to be"... It's an age old question. For the most part people enjoy existing. It's far more interesting than death. And even if you dont, death doesn't make you enjoy it any more. It's solving a temporary problem with a permanent problem.

You're the kind of person that realizes that things can REALLY happen, which can REALLY end it for all of us. But rest assured, it isn't because of some made up date like 2000 or 2012. Smart people are thinking up the real reasons before they happen. Stuff like Yosemite, Ice Caps, Asteroids, Nuclear Winter, Nanobots, Viruses... Pretty much anything that REALLY poses a threat, we are actively trying to solve. We are better prepared than life has ever been in the entire history of the cosmos. It's almost exciting to see what happens when we finally look danger in the face, don't you think?

Anyway, our fight or flight thing is kind of meant for more primitive thought, where danger would have to stare us in the face to have meaning... Not anymore. We can think up such vivid scenarios that our subconscious is tricked into acting it out as if it's real. Just remember- save the fear for real, tangible things. No need going through pain when in reality nothing is happening. If **** goes down on 2012, then get scared, dont get preemptively scared, that's not what you were made to do.

All of the things you fear are unknowns or things that are not happening right now. The future is something to plan for, but with the expectation that things can and do change and plans have to be changed too.
What-if thinking is fantasy. It is making things up because the future is not now, and we don't know what the future will be like.
Things that are out of our control, like death, feel scary too.

Are you getting some help from a therapist for your fears so you can feel better?
Your therapist can talk with you about your fears, your fear of death, your fears that make your mind create frightening scenarios that scare you, and that keep you from enjoying your life as it is right now.

It sounds like you will be getting the medical attention for the polyp so it can be removed when it's the right time to do that. If you haven't seen a GI, gastroenterologist doctor, since going to the ER then that would be your next step, and doing that IS in your control.

Succsesfull and happy people only got to where they are today by constantly dreaming about it (unless you win the lottery)....

You have to look into a positive future..... Never give up, and always have some sort of goal that you are trying to achieve.

Create your "ideal" you, and write it down......... what would the "ideal" you be doing in 5 or 10 years.......

If you had a genie in a bottle, what would you ask for?

The bottom line is.... you can get whatever you want, you can be whoever you want, you are the master of your own universe, you create your relationships, income, happiness, etc.

So snap out of this attitude, it dousnt get people anywhere!!!!

Josh M

People through history have said the world is going to end! at different times. Let's try not to worry about 2012. Don't say you suck because you haven't got scholarships or grants? Scholarships have alot of requirements and if you are starting out it might be hard to go that route. With grant's it should be based on financial need. It sounds like you are struggling with money, so I dont know why they wouldnt give you a break there. But dont pressure yourself to make a decision about school. You have a right to change your mind. I say dont worry about the world. The world is nuts in my opinion! I don't watch the news much because it just depresses me and makes me feel liek we are in the book of Revelation. Just concentrate on yourself and what you wish to achieve and try not to get too upset with things like deadlines. These processes can be a pain in the butt. Maybe that is why they are called DEADlines.
I wish you all the best concarne