[hazeleyes]

Hello everyone... Isn't it strange that one can feel so alone in a world where so many are hurting in the same way as yourself? We share so many things, fear and anxiety, depression, panic attacks, fear that we might be going crazy? Fear of feelings and thoughts, of other people and situations. Fear of the past and fear of the present. ... I am 32 yrs old. I have lived most of my life in fear and anxiety. Not many would know because on the outside I look ok. I even feel pretty at times. I get lots of compliments. I have beautiful kids and a wonderful husband. I have a house and wonderful neighbours. I have friends who cares. Still... there are times during each day when I ask my self how I will be able to continue life, like this. I've tried so many things. Therapy, dealt with the past, got addicted to Internet, tried to shut of feelings, got rid of anger, tried to become a slave of the bdsm society .- to lose all the control...turned to that and women and became addicted... dealt with depression.... now trying medicine and therapy again. And total honesty. But I don't know if I any hope left. Hope that I can become whole as a person. That I can find the true ME and be content and "happy" (whatever that means?). I grew up in fear and don't have many happy memories... How do we find a new self? Is it possible? Is it too late? What am I to become? ... I know I can't give up because it's not an option. But life is so hard to live. I'm so afraid. I'm so sick of being afraid. I don't know if I care anymore....
/hazeleyes

welcome, hazeleyes. you've come to a very good place for support. there are tons of good people here who will listen and talk to you.

i'm sorry that you've had the anxious feelings that you've dealt with, but it sounds like you've recognized what you need to do to help yourself. do you see a therapist? or keep a journal?

do you see a psychiatrist for any meds? that has helped me tremendously. xoxoxo pat

[hazeleyes]

Hi Pat, and thank you for the welcome. Yes I'm seeing a therapist, that I went to over 5 yrs ago. I'm also on anti-depressives since almost 2 months now, and they have helped me to get some energy back. But I'm not sure when I lost hope, that things won't get better. because for some reason I don't trust myself! I've done so many stupid things without being aware of what I'm doing until it's too late. I know there's no easy way out. It takes some hard work to get rid of old fears and habitual bad stinking thinking ((((

i have my tapes....wonder how we get rid of those?

you have come to a good place for support...it shows strength that you came here. we're here for you. xoxoxo pat

[ozzie]

Hi hazeleyes and welcome. I've had quite a bit of trouble with anxiety and understand about the fears. You'll find lots of people here who will give you support.

[Myzen]

Hazel,

You have surely come to the right place. Your story may differ in detail from others, but believe me it is a story shared by many, including me.

Having been round the block a few times, with anxiety and depression, IMHO we get to a point where we stop looking for 'fixes' and start to deal with what's inside us, all that stuff we are so afraid of.

I eventually gave up hope of a cure for my condition and started to work just with what I had (which wasn't much). That's when I slowly started to get better. It can happen.

I hope you'll stick around with us.

Good thoughts, Myzen

[Estee1]

Hi hazeleyes. Welcome. I have a friend from sweden who I talk to here. actually this is where i met her. It helps eaps to talk to other people who suffer the same things. I can totally relate to you saying that you are sick of being scared. Me too. Last night I was lying in bed afraid and I was saying those words. 'I'm scared.' I was so scared that I wanted to hide in the wardrobe. I'm sick of being scared. Sick of everything really. Hope you keep coming here. It's really good.

[JustBen]

Welcome to the forums, hazeleyes. I know just what you mean about feeling alone, even though I'm surrounded by people who have similar problems. It's weird, isn't it? This is a good place to get connected, though.