[SandyWeb]

Hey everyone. I seem to randomly come and go to PsychCentral. Always wonderful people here!

I wanted to know what any of you with agoraphobia do with your time?? I used to read and read, but now I can't even do that. I watch some tv shows on the computer, but that gets pretty boring after awhile. Ever tried watching a series straight through from Season One to Twelve? Incredibly fun....NOT. Lol.

I had a wonderful Blog at one time, but the company that ran it decided to drop that platform. It's so much work to find a new platform, build it, and then get the dang thing started where people actually know that you're out there. It's worth it in the end, but it is just so frustrating at first....and causes anxiety for me.

If you don't leave the house, what do you do?? Anyone? I feel so useless and worthless. "What do you do? Oh, I live off your tax money, take anti-anxiety meds, and watch tv all day." You know how it feels.

Have a wonderful day.

Sandy

[introvertguy]

I do not like people. What you described sounds like heaven to me. Stay in, read and watch tv and get in some xbox time. I'm on ssri's for my anxiety. I work but don't want to be around my coworkers, I don't want to deal with anyone unless they are my inner circle of family and old friends. The world is too judgmental in my opinion. Okay, so you wish you could just get out and live, enjoy the world, meet people. I can understand that. In my case I'm not waiting to change but waiting for the world to change, so I might like people. Don't despair, loneliness passes. Do you have family you can see? I spend time with my cat as well. He's pulled me through some serious depressions. I wish you well.

[SandyWeb]

Hi Introvertguy,

You're not quite as introverted as you may think. You wrote to me, didn't you? *smile* Even though we wish for different outcomes in our lives, I really do appreciate that you took the time to write to me.

I suppose it may sound like Heaven to just not have to do anything other than watch tv, be on the computer, read....but after a few years of this, your brain is mush and you have jinxed yourself to not even being able to go downstairs to get the mail. Yes, I want FRIENDS, I want to be PRODUCTIVE, I want so much to be LOVED and to LOVE in return....and it would be nice to have a little kitty cat (like you have) for companionship and enjoyment as I can't really remember the last time I smiled or really laughed. Unfortunately, I think I would do harm to the sweetheart. My life of solitude would probably make my pet jump at every knock on the door, and the lack of sound in my apartment (friends over for drinks, chatting, laughing while playing a game of Scrabble) would probably cause my precious pet to forget how to purr. As well, I can't get to the grocery store and there are no deliveries here. When the cat food and kitty litter ran out, what would I do? If he got hurt in some way, how would I be able to get him to the vet? You, Mr. Introvertguy, are extremely blessed to have that furry relationship available to you. Plus you also have real live people that phone you and talk. I'm just....alone.

Thanks again for your post. I used to have a very interesting life and have been involved in many tough situations, but that all slowly ended. Over the years I went from being nervous in the grocery store to not being able to leave my apartment (even for the long nightly walks I used to love to take in the woods). SSRIs don't work for me. I have enough serotonin. NSRIs work GREAT, but either I can't stop eating or my eyes get so bad that I can't read. So I just use anti-anxiety meds and a beta blocker. They help some (my Klonopin dose is 12mg per day)...but they don't fix the broken human. For that, I need someone who BELIEVES in me and is willing to stick through the ups and downs. I would fight so hard to make him PROUD of what I am accomplishing for him. Oh well.....it is what it is. I'm glad you have a circle of friends and your pet. And solitude is great for awhile, but it is really overrated. Do you really want to be a prisoner? Nah.....it's much better to feel the breeze while walking with a trusted friend. I wish you all the best. And thanks again for opening up.

Hugs,
Sandy

[Dani]

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. When I used to stay home I got bored a lot too. There's only so many tv shows you can watch, books to read, music to listen to, etc. Sometimes I would spend time organizing things in my house, but most of my time was spent being online, watching videos on youtube, reading blogs, etc. I was also lucky to have cats as my companions so they kept me pretty busy. It was hard at first but after I started working with a therapist and getting on medication, things got a lot better. I hope things get better for you.

[SandyWeb]

Hi Dani. I'm not sure if I'm using the "Thanks" option correctly as we didn't have that button when I use to frequent PsychCentral, but hopefully you received some sort of "Thank You" notice in your email? Is that what it does? Lol. If not......THANK YOU, DANI, for responding to my agoraphobia blahs. *smile*

When I had a Blog, it actually was quite popular. It was for entertainment purposes, and I would find photos on the internet and make up little funny stories or one-liners about it. I would talk a little about something in my life when it was major, but the whole purpose of my Blog was to hopefully give at least one person a smile for the day. I also included gorgeous photos of wildlife, candid shots of people, scenery, videos, news accounts that were ridiculous, etc, etc. I had a GREAT time chatting with the people who left messages on my Blog, and I always was out there visiting theirs and making comments. Some wonderful people were there....but Six Apart decided to get rid of their blogging platform (VOX). It stresses me to even think of how to build a new design from a new platform, so I just freeze. My Blog would take me from when I got up in the morning straight on through to when I went to bed at night....it was very rewarding (not by way of money, but by way of the people I met and the friendships we formed). I remember one wonderful man in New Zealand who told me his elderly father was having a tough morning (he had recently lost his wife), and so this member of my Blog turned it on and read a really stupid police story that had ocurred in New York. I even remember what the story was, but I won't bore you...but dumb people deserve what they get. LOL. Anyways, that gave ME a purpose...a usefulness. For someone who was homebound, stressed, depressed, etc....I was there to show a little silliness and a little beauty. One woman told me she liked my Blog so much that she and her husband had gone ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE START OF IT!! (Can you imagine??) They read and listened and watched everything. It really humbled me. I would love to be able to be involved in that again, but...along with the stress of building a Blog....I just don't feel like I have the creativity anymore to present words with photos. My brain has turned to mush. I see something and think how great that would be to show to others, but then my mind goes blank....how would I explain or poke fun at it? I seem to have lost that part of myself.

And you had cats, too. *smile* A furry little companion that is always happy to see you....unless you're shooing him away from your hard-worked culinary skills! I wish that there was a way to have groceries delivered here, but that option isn't available. What if I ran out of food for my little pal? I don't mind going hungry myself, but I don't have the right to inflict my problems on the innocent.

I'm rather stressed today because my sister is coming over after work tomorrow (Wednesday) to transfer info from my old hard drive to my new one. More importantly, I'm going to get my hair cut. There was a time that I felt at ease with a "safe" person, but now I'm scared to even THINK of going someplace. But the hair doth grow, and the impression made on others is level RED...get to your underground bunkers as soon as you can! The horror of what is developing in the community.....EEEEEEE!! Lol. Anyways, I'll take a few Klonopins and a beta blocker. I'll still be freaking inside, but it's funny that people don't know this. I talk and laugh and act just like anyone else. I've asked people who know about my social anxiety if I appear the same as everyone else, or am I somehow sticking out by appearing nervous?? The answer is always that you wouldn't even know. And it IS great to get out and be with people....but always with that exhale of relief when I get back home and lock the door behind me. I can't explain it. I began to have problems in 2004, and it has escalated to THIS by 2011. Gotta love chemistry. *smirk*

I hope you are doing well. Thanks for reading my rambles. And always have a little fur baby to love! Amazing how they don't run from broken people.

Big hugs,
Sandy