[desolate]

over the past three years i have become a shut in. I stay in my room and keep to myself. i dont trust anyone and its hard for me to deal with people. The thought of me going to the store at the corner of my block makes it hard for me to breath. I have to prepare myself mentally just to leave the house because i dont want to get into a social situation. This type of problem is hard because i sit alone and i am lonely and miserable. I cant help but feel that i am stuck and nothing will change.

[danii24]

i no how you feel i do the same. i have to prepare myself for going to the shop or going out in general. its hard to get over this. have been 2 c ne 1 yt? it has effected every thing in my life and it makes you feel so miserable to be locked away even though the thoughts of going outside and social situations are panicking.

[SoupDragon]

Hi, sorry to hear that things are tough right now. Is there anything that happened 3 years ago that triggered this?

[Silent_tsol]

I've noticed huge changes too. I was always quiet but I remember the point the point where I just used to be more fun. Now I'm quiet and serious and it drives me crazy. Sorry you are feeling this way

[kaliope]

i hear what you are saying. i have work and home and the road in between. i go to the store on my way home from work 2x per month. once i am in my apt, there is no leaving again. it takes a lot of selftalk to get out that door. its worse now that my son moved back to the area because now i can text him and ask him to run to the store for me. even at work, the girls will say, wanna go to lunch, and i wont leave the building. once i get there, i stay there. this isnt what i planned for myself. i imagined myself in a healthy relationship to live out the rest of my life, going out, having fun, socializing, but there is no way i am going to get there from here. i dont know how to change it. i dont really have friends. just my colleages from work and they are married with kids so really cant go do things. i would like to out to dinner after work but they have to get home to theri families. i dont want to go out to the bars because that is not the type of man i want to meet. and i simply do not hang out in bars. i do push myself to go to the movies now and then, but how do you meet someone at the movies. i thought about going to church but i dont get up by 930 in the morning. so i dont know if my options are limited or if i am limiting my options because of my anxiety.

[desolate]

i am sorry to hear that your all going thru the same thing as me, yet its comforting to know im not the only person that feels this way. i have tried therapy and counselling and medications and it never made a difference.

[desolate]

kaliope i know how u feel 2 years ago i signed myself into a mental ward they pulled my files and saw i had been in counselling since high school (8 years ago) they diagnosed me with 4 or 5 different problems and got a caseworker to help me apply for disability for the last year i have been receiving payments i dont have a job cant find 1 in my area to begin with and cant work with or around people 7 months ago i moved in back at home with my mom so i dont even have to go food shopping anymore i spend almost every hour of every day locked inside my room i am very lonely and yearn for companionship but i can barely even leave my room yet alone my house im not close to any of my family and i have no friends i havent had a girlfreind in 3 years i hate myself and i have no self esteem

[OurLadysTears]

I hate to see people suffering from this, but at the same time I'm thankful that I'm not alone in this struggle. I'm becoming more of a recluse as time goes on too. I try to limit the time I have to leave the house and if I do it is normally a late night trip to the store so I'm around very few people. It is a very lonely lifestyle, yet a hard one to change.

[kaliope]

what can be aggravating is that people do invite me places and i automatically say "no", come up with excuses why i cant go. i am just starting to notice that i do this. i want to tell them at a nuetral time to not accept no, to remind me that i always say no automatically but that i really need to take time to consider the activity and take the chance to go out with them because i will most likely enjoy myself.

[danii24]

[quote=kaliope;1949442]"what can be aggravating is that people do invite me places and i automatically say "no", come up with excuses why i cant go. i am just starting to notice that i do this".

i do the same thing if im asked to go some where i say no or i say i dnt no yt and den ignor them the 2nd time they ask. even though i dnt want to be on my own but when im around people i wish i had stayed at home. some times i jus get to panicky around social events or college. i feel like i need to escape.

i usually go to the shop at quiet times or when its dark to so less people will see me

[Primal Pain]

I am scared even when I write this... I understand you all completely. I have to prepare myself when I am about to meet my boyfriend, my friends, but I have a good cover up... my imaginary alter ego... I lost myself somewhere along the way. Anxiety is hard, so as panic attack. Even harder is when you cannot find a person to rely on. I am surrounded by people, but in reality, I am alone, betrayed, hated. Even my own family hates me. They think I am vulnerable. I made a person in my mind that is strong and independent. That is how I function. Life made of lies..