[BrokenNBeautiful]

I have overcome my fear of public transportation, but I still have trouble with anything that requires human interaction.

I still have trouble with supermarkets, the telephone, the doctor, therapists, or making new friends.

Esp. that last one, where I have to show someone the way I AM.

G*d that's so scary.

All my LIFE people have done whatever they wanted to me and with me.

I am so TIRED of being a doormat.

I am now trying to make friends but having trouble keeping them cause when I set boundaries with them, they hate me.

I still don't know what a healthy friendship is.

I am so afraid I am going to die alone!

Billi

[perpetuallysad]

I have a great deal of social anxiety, so I can relate to what you are saying. I am proud that you have decided not to be a doormat anymore. This may run off the people who were using you as one, but any new people you meet will meet this new you and you will eventually find people who accept you for who you are.

I really wish you good luck on this. I don't have any friends because of my anxieties and what I believe is my weirdness. I hope you are able to break the cycle.

((((((((( Billi ))))))))) I have lived alone and expect to die alone. I have a way of scaring people I am told. Frankly, for long stretches I simply have quit trying to make friends. This article got me thinking again. I have posted the link before, but maybe you have not seen it:

http://www.alive.com/6980a17a2.php?s..._bread_cramb=5

Hope you find a friend.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

well, I just bailed out of another site cause everybody there hates me, including the moderators and site owner---they're all ignoring me.

Must be me.

I scare ppl.

I do. Without even TRYING.

b.

[perpetuallysad]

Well, you don't scare me at all. :P
So guess you'll have to stay here. PC has the nicest people ever, IMO.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thank you

B.

[Perna]

I'm surprised at the extremes in what you have to say; "everyone hates me" when you've just gotten to talking to them and/or you set "boundaries" and that causes their hate. It takes time to talk to and get to know people and because people don't have something in common with each other doesn't mean they hate each other! Initial conversation with another is to begin to get to know about them, whether they are someone one would want to become friends with. That doesn't happen in a couple meetings/interactions, but over time.

What sort of "boundaries" are you setting that cause hatred? I can't imagine that concept. I guess one could set boundaries that make it difficult for another person to get to know the person setting the boundaries but I would think that just might cause the other person to lose interest, not "hate".

Not engaging or disengaging is not the same as hatred; other people don't feel that strongly about us unless they know us very very well and if we've let them in that far, it's usually because of love.

I think the trick to relationships is to take one's time getting to know another, being curious about them rather than worrying about what they are thinking of us (that's their problem). One wants to know if the other person is worth my work to get to know. If I know who I am, another person who doesn't know me can't hurt me much.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am not sure how to respond to this latest reply.

I never meant to come off like accusing anyone of hate.

that post taht I made reflects my reactions to how ppl really have expressed anonimosity toward me.

I have been thru a lot!

billi

[Dailysurfer]

I also ocassionally have a "people phobia", which is when I am at my worst with the Depression and Anxiety, I tend to stay indoors. I also have difficulties with public transport, shops etc, but you have to remember with all these places where you are mixing socially, that you have as much right to be there, as they do.
I also often feel that people are directing animosity towards me, but that is mainly when I am feeling what Psychologists call " Emotional Arousal", which covers things like Anxiety etc. if you weren't feeling anxious, then you wouldn't necessarily feel peoples animosity towards you, or if you did, you would be able to brush it off. Remember, whenever you are in a situation, where it means mixing with other people, you have as much right to be there, as anyone else.

[Hippie]

Billi,

I also have social phobia and huge trust issues. It takes me a long time before I call someone a friend.
Here's what has helped me, for what it's worth. Instead of focusing on whether someone likes me, I focus on if I like THEM. Do they have similar likes and dislikes?
Are they non-judgemental?
I think it is better to have a couple of true, good friends then many aquaintences.
You are a unique person---remember that. You are cared about here and listened to.

[Allen279]

I can't eat in restaurants because every little noise bothers me. I don't hate people but I always stick to myself and mind my own business.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thank you ppl.

I respond best when ppl identify with me.

Lately, I've still been struggling.

B.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am bumping this topic up because I needed to review it. I do that from time to time when I am dealing with recurring or persistent issues, like people phobia.

I agree now that "hate" is a very strong word.

I don't judge people like they hate me, but I still wonder if I am repulsing them in some way that I am not aware of.

You've all been very helpful and I love reading this thread again.

Billi

[emptybee15]

I will FIND a reason not to like someone just to avoid the whole situation of trying to become friends.

When you're lacking the necessary tools to deal with yourself, it is HARD to begin relationships AND Keept them with anyone. Friends, significant others, all of that is a chore to me.

Probably because there is compromise that has to be made in relationships and I'm still struggling with trying to get all the attention because I have never gotten any.

Oh lord, it's a whole mess.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by emptybee15

When you're lacking the necessary tools to deal with yourself, it is HARD to begin relationships AND Keept them with anyone. Friends, significant others, all of that is a chore to me.

Probably because there is compromise that has to be made in relationships and I'm still struggling with trying to get all the attention because I have never gotten any.

Oh lord, it's a whole mess.

True, I cannot care about others when I dont' know how to care for myself.

I am slowly learning.

Billi

[lunarpariah]

Oddly my T and I discussed this in our session today. I have really bad social anxiety. For the past three years I've only left my house for work (when I was able to) and for household shopping when it was absolutely necessary. I haven't made a friend in so long I can't even remember.

She wants us to explore this and do some CBT. I am terrified of it but I trust her as a professional so if that's what she thinks we need to work on I am willing to try.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( billi ))))))))))))
sending hugs if ok!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by lunarpariah

Oddly my T and I discussed this in our session today. I have really bad social anxiety. For the past three years I've only left my house for work (when I was able to) and for household shopping when it was absolutely necessary. I haven't made a friend in so long I can't even remember.

She wants us to explore this and do some CBT. I am terrified of it but I trust her as a professional so if that's what she thinks we need to work on I am willing to try.

As an individual who is recovering from agoraphobia, I have employed much CBT to deal with my own anxiety. Much of it IS from my thought processes. For example, I put myself into hypnosis the other day for 5 minutes and visualized myself at the laundromat (I had avoided going last Tuesday, even though I had planned on going) and my mentor told me to imagine what I was really afraid of having happen. Immediately, I imagined me dropping my bag of dirty clothes, bumping into people there, people laughing at me. This was my worst fear: appearing foolish; my thoughts had been, "What if I make a complete fool of myself and can't handle myself?"

Of course it was cognitive distortion.

I took myself out of hypnosis, ended up laughing out loud at the ludicrosity of my thinking.

I was able to do my laundry on Friday, by the way.

None of the stuff that I was afraid of even happened! LOL

Billi

[DARKEST BEFORE DAWN]

i can relate to what your going through i have suffered with social phobia and depression every since i can remember and being a hypersensitive person only intensify my suffering at times i feel lonely, isolated and unloved although i'm not i have my children and grandchildren and we're really close they have been my backbone and i thank god for them . both my parents are deceased and so is my husband i have other siblings but none of us are close i want to reach out to others in pain and in need of a friend and help them in ways that no doctor or therapist ever helped me but most often the fear gets the better of me i wish i could will myself out of feeling this way but it's not as easy as some might think.