I am not a robot, I'm Human!

I have finally come to understand that I am not a robot and cannot expect to "fight through" my crippling emotional states as if they didn't exist! The fact is our culture and my dad in particular, have taught me that I should be able to manage my responsibilities and get the things done that I want to do without regard to my psychological state. Well this is preposterous and I am no longer willing to own the shame, guilt, and self-loathing that comes with constantly feeling that I am failing to exercise control over myself.

Right now I am feeling pretty angry at the people in my life or to whom I have been exposed who have said outright or sneakingly implied that I am a "*****", a "wimp", a "loser", or "pathetic" because I "let my problems" control me. Well you know what? **** you guys!. Let me tell you something real: If you have stress, anxiety, or depression and you claim to be totally functional and able to get stuff done without a problem, then you are either a liar or you are a drug addict/alcoholic. I haven't met one such person in my life nor do I know of any who ACTUALLY suffers from these symptoms above the clinical threshold (not borderline) and yet manages to perform as if they didn't exist without the use of drugs or medications. I'm sick and tired of these punks telling me that they have anxiety, etc., and that they just deal with it. Yea right, you must be such "real men" huh? That's why these same people are high and drunk literally 24-7. Substituting an addiction for greater functionality isn't a solution and it doesn't make you a "real man" or "real woman"!

Anyway, the positive gist of this post is that people aren't robots, we are human. When we experience chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, the results are crippling and we are no longer able to consistently put enough time and energy into getting things done as they require. This is something we need to accept because the alternative actually leads to MORE stress and anxiety, and deeper depression. Then you have crippled yourself even worse whereas had you admitted your human faults, accepted that you aren't fully capable or even close to it while suffering from those conditions, then they might have alleviated enough for you to take care of your responsibilities. That's the irony of it all.

((((((Phoboxyl)))))))

Yes your right, it is very hard when others do not understand how difficult some days can be, how difficult it is to function when crippled by anxiety and depression.

I have a chronic bad case of PTSD and I have days where I really struggle to function and I am trying to understand why or even how to overcome it. I have had so many people give advice and tell me to just get over it and do this and try that.
Oh, it just makes it worse, because I am trying to do this and that.

I had a meeting with my therapist yesterday and he explained what I am struggling with and it was hard to hear. I do have those days where I seem to feel better and then I sink at the slightest push and I can't seem to understand it. So it has been explained to me. He described it as though I am experiencing days where I can dog pattle across a pond, but as soon as any weight is added, I struggle and lose my way.

I am angry too, I sure don't like this awful thing I am struggling with and I really have a hard time trying to comprehend the fact that it was manifesting, while I was thinking that I was actually coping with a lot of extremely troubling issues in my past.

I am sorry that you have people around you that do not understand your daily struggle. I had my therapist talk to my husband and it has helped as he is more supportive. But he has not had the opportunity to jump in my body and feel exactly how difficult some of my days are. Don't you wish others could just do that?

If you can have your therapist meet with at least one of the family members that you struggle with, it really might help that person understand your true struggle.

Open Eyes

Yesssss, so badly. I want them to experience my suffering and for them to know what it is! I want to wipe the smirks right off their faces. And I want them to understand me and feel empathy, not disgust. Thanks for getting me.

Your welcome Phoboxyl, it is nice to hear from someone who knows how much of a struggle it can be. Just knowing someone else understands and feels it can mean so much, just knowing your not alone can be so helpful.

Give some serious thought about having a family member sit with your therapist. It has really helped me. It doesn't let my husband feel what I am feeling but at least he has been told that he truely needs to support me and that I am trying.

I know that look you get, it really hurts, it makes the struggle so much harder. It make me want to hide or just give up and climb back into bed. At least now my therapist has helped. I still feel guilty because I am really trying, but at least the monkey is a little more off my back, not completely, but every little bit helps. Here are some hugs, I think you need them.

Open Eyes

i will add my 2 cents to Open Eyes,, PTSD, Anxiety, Panic, it doesn't matter what you call it, when it has a truely crippling impact, it must be dealt with. i'll tell ya what burns my toast, is when i get over it once and another trauma gets me, or 84 of them, and i relapse, and people who have never felt any of these things give me advice.

anyway, don't beat yourself up if your progress is uneven, or relapses, remember, you've managed all this time, and you will get better at it...

best wishes,, Gus

Thanks guys. This new strategy has really worked for me. By not focusing on my responsibilities and not trying to motivate myself to do them all, I actually reduced my anxiety, stress, and avoided the incipient depression that crops up when I have to do things. This resulted in my being MORE responsible yesterday than I've been in the last month at least. Proof of theory, it works! It's very simple, if you are reasonably disciplined then the only thing holding you back is your emotional state. So instead of trying to fight through it, which only makes it worse and cripples you, work on avoiding those emotional states and getting out of them when they pop up. Right now I am dealing with fluctuating feelings so by not adding to my base-line negative feelings there are actually large periods of time during the day where I feel good enough to take care of things.

((((((Gus)))))) yes, your right, it is very hard when others think that your just not trying hard enough and give their advice. It is hard to listen to things you have tried over and over already. It is equally hard when someone snubly makes a statement that conveys, "Just get over it already" or equally as hurtful when someone accuses you of luxuriating in it. And then there are those that tell you to just stop thinking about it, when that is probably what caused it to begin with, pushing it aside and trying to not think about it. And frankly it gets to the point where you just don't want to be around those that know you have it.

For anyone who has family members that continue to set off triggers by their comments and lack of understanding, I really, really, recommend asking your therapist to set a time to discuss your condition with these family members. This is not something someone can handle alone, it really needs the support of others around us as much as possible.

Open Eyes

Hi Phoboxyl,

I thought I could "fix" my own problems for a long time. I read all of the major self-help books starting with the Power of Positive Thinking and ending with The Secret and books by Louise Hay. I learned all about alternative healing and studied various herbal remedies as well as specific diets such as the macrobiotic diet, eat for your blood-type, the gluten free diet, the Weston A Price recommendations, and the low-protein diet. I had visited eight different doctors over the years due to chronic fatigue and aches and pains.
Finally, four years ago I began to see a therapist and was diagnosed with depression. A year into therapy, she recommended I take medication. What did my mom say? "Medication is a crutch." (This from someone who has been an alcoholic for as long as I have been alive). When did I finally start medication? Two weeks ago!
What blows my mind is that someone would be diagnosed right away if they had a broken leg. Hopefully this is changing.
My thoughts of support are with you. Depression is a serious illness and should be treated as one. I'm so sorry to hear your family wants to believe a different bit of fiction.

Hey guys, it's not my family that is the cause of this problem although when I was growing up my dad did try to prevent me from getting therapy and called it useless. I was speaking about other people such as a girl I used to see FWB and various people I have encountered, authority figures, and the general attitude of society.