[o.kay]

i have anxiety around the holidays.
i think that it is caused by feeling like i can't give my family the perfect holiday and holidays were always bad(increased drinking,violence,etc) when i was growing up.
i try to set realistic expectations (not very successful)
i remind myself that this is now and i don't need to be afraid any more.

How about you:
Do you have increased anxiety around the holidays?

If so what causes this anxiety?

What do you do that helps?

[kaliope]

when i was married, my husband would invite people over for the holidays to show off his "perfect family". i would cook like crazy all day, we would eat, and then i would clean clean clean. he would spend the day socializing. i quit holidays. then i was with a man who preached "its just another day" because he had bad memories of holidays.

even so, holidays have always been bad times for me. I have always approached them with anxiety. they were cycle times. suicidal times. questioning why am i alive times. i think that it was because all the shows/stories promote family togetherness/love at these times and growing up, even at age six, i knew my family was committing fraud when we went out into the world presenting as a "happy family". it wasnt joyful or loving. there was nothing to celebrate. it sucked!

with my antiholiday ways, my kids really missed out. i decided to come up with at least one tradition. every christmas eve, the kids and i would get in the car, play christmas music and drive around looking at christmas lights. they are in theri 20's now and this will be the first year we are unable to do it as my daugther is in navy and unable to come home on leave.

how do i handle my anxiety? i dont know that i do. the meds have worked to keep the suicidal thoughts at bay. i do a lot of volunteer work for toys for tots helping others have a decent christmas. take it day by day watching for signs that i am going downhill so i can address them quickly so i dont get out of control.

[Clare76]

I definately have increased anxiety around holiday seasons.
Not just holidays but birthdays too.
I think for me part of it is the added pressure to be "out there" and social. I am a social phobic, all my family know this but they somehow think I can just turn the anxiety off because its christmas/new year whatever it may be. Like I ever get a break from phobia!

And yes, I agree, also we all have this picture perfect idea of what the holidays are supposed to look like, but its never like that is it.

Sorry i dont have any solutions for you, but I definately relate.

[Caretaker Leo]

Thanks for this thread! I now realize that I have not been able to put a "feeling" to why I have hated the holidays in the past 10 years.

Unlike o.kay, I grew up in a family where the holidays were wonderful and joyful times. So much changed when my grandparents were no longer able to host the holidays. While my family has tried to come up with new places and ways to celebrate, it does not "match up" with what we had grown so accustomed to...

Maybe my current feelings about holidays - especially Christmas - is actually a sign of anxiety?

I detest feeling obligated to buy gifts. What used to be a fun experience - coming across some item that I knew would bring joy and smile to a family member's face - is now one that I just want to ignore and wish would go away. There is no wonder, love and joy in finding a gift for one name now randomly drawn. Instead it has become the agonizing search for something "perfect" to give to one person. There is so much anxiety as I wait and wonder if I have found the "right" gift!

Hmm. Will continue to ponder this question and might be back to post more thoughts.

Oh yeah, the picture-perfect thing. Couldn't agree more with all of you. We get so utterly inundated with these ridiculous images and notions of what holidays "should" be! They are SOOOO over-the-top! Perfection, as if reality were somehow suspended on certain calendar dates. We recognize this, right? And yet somehow berate ourselves for not living up to what we know is not real(!) What is up with that?!

I don't know that I get anxious so much as feel rather alien. And lonely. Which is why, when I worked with the public, I hated those inevitable, "So, what are you doing?" and greetings in general. Yeah, yeah. Social convention. But one in which an answer is actually expected! It's not that I object to speaking of holidays, it's just the in-your-face and job obligation thing. It's hard enough to make myself get out sometimes without having this additional thing. If I have to be out somewhere, say, in a checkout line, I go so far as to pre-empt the chance and say, "Please skip the holiday chit-chat, ok? Thanks." (Believe me, it is a relief to some employees to be excused from this obligation!... )

Oh! Caretaker Leo, you hit on a biggie! The gift obligation thing! Ugh! Would much rather surprise someone randomly.

O.kay, as far as ideas on what helps... We don't have tv. Actually, it's more than that. TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, none of it. I'm not much on shopping. That helps. The gift list is down to 3. We do do a small tree, because I do enjoy the lights of the holiday. Cook up a nice meal, but nothing too elaborate. We don't have guests (not so much a choice thing, just a fact). Basically, over the years evaluating which are actually the enjoyable parts and trimming the rest away (insofar as possible). Took me years, but definitely less stress. (And I never had any of those big office parties and whatnot to deal with to start, lol!)

I think I would enjoy the holidays more if I did not work in retail and customer service industries. Whie in retail, it was just a day off work. Now, with a 24/7 customer service job...it isn't even a day off work. so industry ahs really ruined it for me more than the event itself. my sons also work in retail and the customer service work I do so we rarely all have the same day off together.

This small town also ahs nothing to do within the city itself. Most of the holiday events are near a ski resort just outside of twon and i do not drive so I cannot get to the events. The city is a small one so they don't have things like a free skating area, or tobogganing hills. This is a boring city. Everything going on during the holidays costs money which I don't have. This can contribute to feeling a bit like an outsider.

However, this holiday season, I will do what I can, enjoy my sons, bake some goodies and listen to the holiday music. I also ahve a whole collection of Christmas movies...so I can watch them at my own leisure. A practice my brother and sisterr and I did as children, I carry on today...we cut out fancy snowflakes and put them up on the windows and walls....I cannot put them on the walls where I am now because the walls are white and being in a rental unit, we are not permitted to paint. So, I put them on my bed, on the windows, etc. It helps bring memories of childhood back to me.

Otherwise, whatever helps you feel good is a good idea for the holidays. A hot bath, a good pair of pajamas maybe and new slippers or somthing, A good book, finding some new holiday songs....whatever helps you feel good is a great idea for the holidays....something you wouldn't normally do for yourself.

[beauflow]

Sigh all in the same boat. Bad memories- unable to make a perfect holiday- some years too high of expectations- some years just another day- can't buy anything these last years so i've tried to make things which some appreciate and some i think look down on me. Idk. Then i feel bad cuz i have issues seeing my family during the holidays but then been going to my boyfriend's parents over these few years. I use to work all the time but i have been told not on some holidays. And this year i'm furlough over these holidays so it's like not an option any ways. I still have issues with seeing my boyfriend's family over the holidays- i feel like a poke em with a stick .

I just try to keep going. I try to stay away from drinking too much these days to dull my pains, and been staying away from other dull substances. I try to just take one day at time some times. I try to remind myself that now with my boyfriend's parents especially his mom- they like to see me they like my company and so forth. I try to remind my self to be realistic.

Sigh. It's hard. It's even harder when you've work with a boss for about 4 to 5 years and every year around the holidays she too goes crazy but takes it out on her workers. Ie this time of the year we all are doing everything wrong and she yells at us. It's hard cuz she some what triggers me- but none the less as years have went with work i realize what is wrong with work and what she's just upset about cuz she doesn't work at our places every day she is lost.

I hope you all best wishes these holidays :-) and that you can find a way to occupy the time