[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

At work, it's 7:35 am. Less than 4 hours of sleep last night. Lots of nausea and queeze... Know what that means? Battling a HUGE anxiety attack right now... IDK what to do... It's bad... Every 3 or 4 minutes I start having trouble breathing... Lack of sleep makes me like this much worse... Have some over the counter meds someone recommended last night, said it will help panic attacks really well... It's called Valerian. Gotta do my research but it says on the bottle for restful sleep. Yeah that's great and I need that but not while I'm working and running on only 3 1/2 hours of sleep anyways... IDK... I'm not doing well I hate this...

I don't just battle an anxiety attack it's gone and than I'm ok. I wish it were that easy. Once I get the first sign it's an all day event. Every few minutes I get the physical anxiety feelings and it triggers a brand new one. It's easier to force myself to believe they are just panic attacks when I've gotten more sleep. Right now my lungs don't want to work for me. My lungs have betrayed me and I'm lost...

Fade away... I can't do that at work... I can't show that... But I can't stop it.... I can't stop it when I drift into my mind... It's starting again... OMGosh... Another battle another scar another lesson learned... IDK IDK IDK I can't be here, I have to leave... But there is no one, I am the only one here... No one to cover my shift... I can't cintinue the day in this shape... *deep breath*

[Silent_tsol]

(((Purple))) I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm not sure what type of work you do but I always find anxiety at work to be the worst.

Your lungs ARE working. Put your hand on your stomach, chest or over your nose. Breathe in slowly, then out slowly. You can feel the air. Sometimes it helps me to do something and say "if I couldn't breathe, I couldn't have just done that". Then look at what you did, and see you did do it.

Take a washroom (or breakfast if you can) break. Just sit for a fee minutes

I hope your day gets better, I'm thinking of you and tomorrow will be better

Oh on a side note, have you talked to a dr about your panic attacks? They seem to be really impacting your day and they might be able to give you something that can help that won't make you sleepy. But that's for another day. Just focus on today, one minute at a time

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thank you! I wish I could walk away but I am already making frequent trips to the restroom for gagging and heaving purposes. I've made 4 trips in the hour and 18 minutes I've been here. I've just went in the back halway the rest of the time. But thank you so much for the advice, I really should do something to prove to myself that I am breathing, when I get that way I feel like I'm not because I don't feel the air entering my lungs, but if I can feel it from my hand it could probably help.

I have another appointment with my GP on the 25th of January. I made the appointment in October and that was the closest he could fit me in. He gave me prescriptions for medications but my anxiety has stopped me from taking it. I told him about the anxiety and he thinks it's related to migraines but really? Is it normal to average at least 5 panic attacks a day minimum? With the ability for that number to reach the 30s? And today seems like it would make it into the 30's. I've probably already talked myself out of 7 or 8 blow ups so far. IDK what is wrong with me, it's not normal for this to happen! I don't think it is at least.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Someone will be in shortly to let me go home. I can't be here... The first time I've ever left due to an anxiety attack, most of the time I can push through but not this time...

Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety, I wish I never knew the word! How can someone be expected to function at all when they are having 5-30 attacks a day? I can't do it, I need to make it go away!

[roads]

I'm so sorry. I hear how much worse you feel because someone is having to come in for you. Keep breathing. Your lungs are working. It's not normal to have so many panic feelings. Maybe you can call your GP next week & get in sooner.

Roadrunner

[Silent_tsol]

30 in one day, I can't even imagine. Your an amazing person for dealing with that. Just like any other illness, it's better to go home an rest. Don't feel bad about leaving, your doing what best and that taking care of yourself.

I absolutely hear you on anxiety talking yourself out of taking the anxiety medication- I do the same thing. Talk to your doctor about that too! And is there someone else in the office you can see when your doc is that booked? I left my last doctor because it always took such a long time to get an appointment -thats ok too

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thanks for the replies. Saturday was bad. Yesterday was better, only about 10 or so. A couple already this morning and it's only 7:30 but I guess I'm getting used to it... Not really though... I keep telling myself it's only anxiety, it will go away. But it keeps happening. I explained how severe it was when I spoke with him in October. He gave me the meds and said my problems were from migraines and caffeine. I am down to about 1 cup of Mtn Dew in the mornings and that's it. The rest of the day I am drinking Gatorade or water. I was drinking about 8 bottles of Mtn Dew a day at the time. I can tell the jittery feelings are much less now but those only contributed to the anxiety they weren't the cause. He also gave me meds to lower my blood pressure and meds for migraines. That's all he gave me, nothing at all for anxiety specifically. I don't like medicine so I wont take it for the migraines. I will cry in pain all day but will not take meds for it. The low blood pressure meds, I already have low blood pressure and the idea of making it lower is not something I like so I guess I gotta hang in there until Jan 25th and try to talk to him again. Thank you again so much for your replies!

[Silent_tsol]

Is this a family dr or a pdoc? I would suggest booking an appointment with a pdoc who has more experience with these kinds of issues

[gma45]

Hope you are feeling better today PurpleFlyingMonkeys! Sending a big HUG your way, Ok Big deep breath ok Breath now! I don't if it helped you but it did me! I don't have ins. so some of those cvs clinics I have to go to at least give me some ideas to get me by. I hope you got a little more rest last night that will help. I wish you wellness today! RELAX! I know it's hard but at least try!

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thank you for your replies! Tsol, it's a primary care doc that I'm seeing now. I don't have a pdoc. I've been at my job a year and 6 months but they are still giving me the run around with insurance and say now I wont be offered it until March. Being a single mom with low income I don't have the money to pay for a pdoc or t. I'm hoping at my apointment Jan 25th that he will refer me to someone who I can afford. I had a seizure back in August and made the appointment with him in August and he wasn't able to fit me in until October (2 months later) and after the appointment in October the soonest he could get me in was January 25th. The clinic I go to has all retired doctors who volunteer one day a week. His days are Wednesdays. The rest of the doctors fill up just as fast as he does since they are free doctors and have the ability to get the patients free medication.

The fact that we have to pay such rediculous prices just to stay healthy and happy, something that we should be entitled to just from being alive, is nearly impossible to afford for many people. But that's another topic in it'self.

I found a t for only 40 an hour, but that's a lot more than I can afford. I may have to settle for seeing her once a month or something. Just wish she could give meds, guess I need a pdoc too but I really can't afford that too.

I will look into it though, I've spent so much time looking for a t not even thinking about finding a pdoc. Thanks for all the wonderful kind words from both of you. Today has been better than the last 2 days but far from over this anxiety thing... I wish it would go away...

[Silent_tsol]

If you do see a t, you may be able to sign a release to talk to the doctor and then discuss her perception of things. Obviously she can't diagnosis but my dr listened to the counsellor I was seeing because of the experience she has.

I'm sorry about your work, can you call human resources? Look up the employment law side, if you signed a contract saying you would be eligible for insurance at x time, they probably have an obligation to follow through. Anytime I've had an issue and mentioned calling the labour board, things get fixed. They know the law but hope you don't. I'm in Canada so my health care is well covered but I have a friend in the US and it all infuriates me!

Wishing you the best for the new year

[BrokenNBeautiful]

when my panic attacks started, I tried to think about safe places and safe things. Meds did not always help.

Panic attacks seem to come out of nowhere, when I am not even thinking about scary things. But I do try to slow down my thoughts. I know, it's terrifying when we think we can't breathe or our hearts are beating so fast.

It's a vicious cycle.

feel for you.

i wish I had answers.

And I know how hard it is to find help, too. That money thing.

Billi

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thank you silent and billy!

Silent, I don't have a human resources department here, it's just my general manager. What happened was I worked here for 7 months and was transferred to another state temporarily. When I got sent back here the cut my pay and a new management company came in. My pay was bad to begin with now it's even worse. Well with this new management company that came in about 3 weeks ago, they say that you have to be with their company for 6 months before you can qualify for insurance. So I talk to the guy and explain the situation on how my insuance had not kicked in because of one thing or the other with the transfer and lack of paper work. So he says that they will let me get insurance after 6 months of coming back from the transfer. I agreed since that was supposed to be January first but then he comes back saying nope, can't enroll until March because the enrollment was full until March?! So I really don't have much else I can do in this department but wait. I've been debating on leaving this job for months. Everything has gone down hill. The management was terrible so they hired in new guys, well new management is making things rather difficult and complicating things. For example, because we signed with the new company 3 weeks or so ago no one gets paid over time for Christmas or new years because you have to be with the company 6 months to get over time. They want me to work for 8 hours without a break and standing the entire time. They took my chair away so I'm supposed to stand for 8 hours behind a desk without going anywhere. So I take cigarette breaks (2 a day if I'm lucky) where I of course have to stand out side (no chairs or seats) then they make new rules that no employees can purchase anything from the restaurant or the store inside and since I can't take a break and can't have food or drinks at the front desk, can't sit down (although 1/2 the time I sit anyways, I have really bad "vertigo" or whatever, I get dizzy ALL the time.) so I'm supposed to go 8 hours no food or drink and no break to sit down or eat or anything, the most I get are cigarette breaks if those. It's a very tiring job and I'm tired of it. But I need a job so... What can ya do? If I start another job I just have to go another 6 months waiting for insurance

[clouds_and_sun]

((((((purpleflyingmonkeys)))) WOW this sounds just like me 2 weeks ago, from what you have described. It didn't help that my day at work I was in "idol' for sometime, that is when the panic came. Here is what I suggest that you do, even if this sounds lame (this is what I did). Try to do some organizing at your job, anything all jobs need organizing. If you work in a cubicle to a big office to retail to even fast food, you can organize the ketchup bottles, or dust the shirt racks or go through some old office equipment that has not been used or dusting out your cubicle at work, it helps some, you know gets your mind off of the worry and panic. I hope this helps. (hugs)