[nmlr]

Hello everyone! I am having soooo much anxiety. I am a recovering addict and I've been clean for about 10 months. I went to rehab a few months after my husband went to jail. I have 4 children so I needed someone to care for them while I was in rehab. I asked my inlaws and they agreed to watch them while I was away. I did make them aware that it would be 4 to 5 weeks and they were fine with it. Well 2 weeks into rehab I called my mother inlaw to ask her if she could bring my kids to visit me. Her exact answer was, "No I'm not sitting there for an hour and by the way I got custody of your children today". My heart sunk and I couldn't even breath. It turns out that my husband signed his rights over to his parents and helped them get custody of "OUR" children! I was never served with papers telling me that my inlaws were going for custody, not even a phone call! I can't understand why they chose that time to get custody. Why didn't they take me and my husband to court while I was active in my addiction. They chose to do it when I finally made one of the most difficult decisions in my life, which was to leave my children ( which was the most difficult thing about going away ) and go get help. I could go on and on so anyway now at the present time I've been clean for almost 10 months and I want my children back. After I got out of rehab I had no job, no money, and no place to live. So I made the right choice for my children and let them stay with my inlaws. They had food to eat, clothes on thier back, and a roof over thier head. Things that I couldn't provide for them at the time. I went to welfare and was placed in a hotel and got financial help. Through these 10 months I have never missed any of thier birthdays and parties at school. I also always visited with them on the weekends. Now that I can provide for them and they have a safe place to live my inlaws are, all of a sudden, making it very hard for me to see them.They are alienating my children from me. If one of them gets into trouble they are not allowed to see me. So my children are getting punished from thier own mother which is bull$#!^! They are damaging my children emotionally and thier own father helped. I feel like I have absolutely no control. I am taking my inlaws to court to gain custody back but in the meantime my inlaws are hurting them emotionally. They haven't been served yet but I think they have a feeling they will be soon. That's why I think my inlaws won't let me see them. So this is what's really bothering me right now. Does anyone have any advice or positive feedback. Especially if you've been through the same thing. Please respond asap!

[Silent_tsol]

I'm sorry for everything that's going on. I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you were heard. I think you made very strong choices. All I can say is congratulations on your sobriety and I hope you are able to get things straightened out in court. I'm sending you positive thoughts

[nmlr]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

I'm sorry for everything that's going on. I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you were heard. I think you made very strong choices. All I can say is congratulations on your sobriety and I hope you are able to get things straightened out in court. I'm sending you positive thoughts

Thank you for your response. It is nice to know that I'm heard and that there are people out there that care. I don't know if your a recovering addict, but it's good to hear that a total stranger is proud of the decisions that I've made in the past year. Before that all my decisions were bad ones. I didn't realize this at that time but I did know that I had to get help for my addiction. Now that I am clean I realize all the bad decisions I've made whether it had to do with my children or how I got my next fix. I also thank you soooo much on your congrats to me for being clean. I don't hear that very often, even from the people that are supposed to love me. So thanks again. Reading that really made my day a whole lot better ( or I should say evening because it's almost 5:30 pm where I live ).

[nmlr]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

I'm sorry for everything that's going on. I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you were heard. I think you made very strong choices. All I can say is congratulations on your sobriety and I hope you are able to get things straightened out in court. I'm sending you positive thoughts

Oh, one more thing, I just looked to see if I had anymore feedback/responses and you are the only one that responded so far. I am so happy that I saw your response because if I would've checked it and no one responded I most likely would've tried to find another site for support. I would've just figured no one bothers to read any posts or reply. I'm sure I'll get more I'm just very thankful that your reply was there when I checked. So thanks again!

[Silent_tsol]

I'm not a recovering addict but have become familiar with the process. I think a lot of people worry about saying congratulations because they aren't sure if it will send you into a setback. I think they worry about planting the idea in your head by bringing up the topic, or on the other hand, fail to understand the struggles you encounter.

There is another forum on here, where you might get more feedback, the addictions forum. Oh and there's a healthy parenting forum as well. Not saying that you posted in the wrong place, but sometimes it takes some time to find a place where you can get the best answer for your issue -because we all have issues that differ kwim?

[tutitaylor]

Dear Just need to Vent - I Just wanted you to know that you are heard and that people do care. I don't always feel like I should comment on things I have no experience in. But I am a good listener. Tuti

[nmlr]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

I'm not a recovering addict but have become familiar with the process. I think a lot of people worry about saying congratulations because they aren't sure if it will send you into a setback. I think they worry about planting the idea in your head by bringing up the topic, or on the other hand, fail to understand the struggles you encounter.

There is another forum on here, where you might get more feedback, the addictions forum. Oh and there's a healthy parenting forum as well. Not saying that you posted in the wrong place, but sometimes it takes some time to find a place where you can get the best answer for your issue -because we all have issues that differ kwim?

Thank you for your advice. I will check the other forums I knew there was one for addicts but since I was panicing I figured I'd post here. But thanks again. And don't ever be afraid to congrats someone even if they were only 2 days clean. For a recovering addict 1 hour clean is a maricle to them, it was for me anyway. I couldn't imagine being clean for an hour let alone 10 months. When I was in rehab N.A. meetings used to come in for an hour. There were men and women that spoke and said that they were clean for years. I couldn't see myself being clean that long. There was one guy that came in to speak and he said he's been clean for 6 months. I thought to myself that that would never and couldn't possibly ever be me! But here I am alive, well, happy, and 10 MONTHS clean when I thought it was impossible. So when you say your proud of someone for being clean no matter how long they've been clean for or just congrats trust me it means the world to them. Especially when they hear it from someone they don't even know or met. When someone tells me thier proud of me or congrats it makes me want to improve myself even more and get more clean time on top of that 10 months I have. Then another 10 months from know I can come back and tell everyone that I've been clean for 20 months and hopefully the people that congrated me see that and congrat me again. So don't ever be afriad to tell an addict that your proud of them or give them congrats on thier clean time because from my own experiance it helps ALOT!!! Thank You for your responce and for your advice. You can never get enough advice no matter what it's for!

[chrysalis22]

nmlr, have you ever been intherooms.com? i go there and i like it a lot. lots of good recovery and LOTS of mamas in your shoes or who have been there or been close (i've gotten quite close to the beginnings of losing my kids due to my raging issues...).

hang in there. stay sober. work your program. keep doin' what you are doin'. you will get them back. they are YOUR children. i feel so much for you and those kids right now. i'm so sorry you are going thru this. you and they need compassion and support not anomosity and to be alienated.