I wish I had a clear cut name for all this.

There should be a section called just vent. I'm 25 years old in September I will be 26. I live at home with my mom I know lame. I see my dad at work everyday. I have been told that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and twice told PTSD. I'm so sick and tired of not knowing what's really the issue or issues. I'd be satisfied if they said nothing your just a spoiled brat. Just anything... Very tired of this roller coaster. I make friends easily and push them aside, then miss the interaction yet I feel better alone more depressed but more stable. I'm just not sure whats real anymore. I may have an ulcer, but now I wonder if it's just in my head? Is that possible? maybe. anyways I used to have Anxiety in large groups or around people I viewed better than me, and I would get this urge too pee never did, but I'd get the urge. For a long time a copped by drinking and drugs finally after two Hospital trips an overdose on muscle relaxers and an over dose on Tramadol. I went to AA and NA. every day I went almost 40 days. and that anxiety started to go away it's gone now, but now I have full blow panic attacks. I'm back to being a loner as I'm staying sober mostly because of the ulcer honestly if I thought I could drink I would. I'm almost up two 30 days again. it seems like the longer I stay sober the crazier I feel and the more I question things. I grew up around domestic violence, and was physically abused as a child. I don't think it's just addiction I don't think any of the therapists I have seen do either, the one I'm seeing now wants to do like in vivo therapy for ptsd, I'm kinda confused because I don't have flash backs... memories but not a flash back. Idk. I wish I had a diagnosis atleast... who knows. ugh. there is so much more I could write but I've lossed interest at the moment. I think I've come along way since I first joined over 2 years ago, but still not knowing what to call this bothers me so much... I miss lithium and klonopin, I was so much happier but I started drinking with them so they took em away... oh that was from the lady who thought a was bipolar. I guess I wasn't quite done writing am having one of those sleepless nights well since yesterday... so this is like day 2. See something got to be wrong here before I wrote this all out I thought maybe I was just lazy but in editing it makes me wonder so confused any thoughts would be great!

Hi Fourwalls...sorry to hear what's been going on with you. Are you taking anything for this right now? You mentioned having your meds withdrawn...did they offer you any substitutes? You also mentioned going to AA and NA. That was great news. I don't know much about PTSD treatments but i encourage you to try anything that's suggested. If you don't understand things about it tell them and they'll make sure you do. Just be as open as you can when you're sharing your story and experiences. That helps them make the best decisions on how to better help you. Don't hesitate to ask them any questions. The more you're informed makes things easier too.

Don't forget what you've learned about the substance abuse stuff Fourwalls. If you ever need to, make sure you get in touch with AA/NA again. Drugs and alcohol can be a coping mechanism but it's the wrong one for sure. What you get in therapy might take you longer to feel better but in the long run its results are not so damaging. I hope you get some sleep soon. I tend to run on empty at times as well.

Keep yourself well and I'll try to read your posts anytime as long as I'm online. Take care for now and I hope you can wind down enough for a good rest soon. Nice to meet you as well.

Living with your parent at the age is not lame; it's more complex nowadays, don't blame yourself, you're not a spoiled brat. You said you've been told you have GAD, SAD, and/or PTSD, but also I read you did not have a diagnosis or was that just for PTSD? In some cases the symptoms overlap and diagnosis can be co-morbid. Alcohol triggers anxiety and panic attacks, there is nervousness as short as 5 hours and anxiety a week after intoxication it can also irritate GI lining causing ulcers. How is your relationship with your parents? What makes you view others as superior? Your self perception is being influenced by your negative beliefs it is something difficult to go through don't be afraid to ask for more help / post

It's not that I didn't get a diagnosis, those are different opinions from therapist's over the years. The first Dr. I saw was not a therapist per say he was the one who writes Rx's and that's exactly how he put it. so we tried a few different things. Lexapro and Xanax, the state had given me the klonopin and lithium. from before... any ways so then I saw this doc. he said G.A.D. and S.A.D. after bad result's with the Lexapro. I decided I wanted to try and talk to a therapist and go off pills. So the first Therapist I saw said PTSD. I had a major falling out with her because she was talking to my parents and I felt betrayed so I went to a new Therapist that specializes in Anxiety, she seem's to also think I have traits like PTSD and plans to do therapy with me for it, all though she has never out and out said it. but what boggles my mind is I don't have flash backs... My relationship with my parents is rocky my dad is 62 now and still an *** but I do love him and has stopped being physically violent... and for awhile now but from a young age to until I was big enough to really swing back it was.. hell. he always told me I was a waste... useless things like that, along with the beatings. so it's complex I don't wish to think bad of him and I tell myself I forgive him but... it's a vicious cycle. the alcohol and drugs was very bad I have been in the hospital 3 times for overdoses.. but so I stopped all the drugs and had been drinking on and off not daily but binge drink maybe twice a month. The ulcer has stopped that.. for now I don't plan on drinking but that a whole other issue. but the Anxiety has been there always that's the reason I drank ease the anxiety... even though I know it creates more in the long run the break from worry esp in social settings was worth it... till it just became me drinking alone when I got to dang depressed.

thank you I know I should speak up more I have a hard time being assertive until I'm so angry I can't see straight. but I should ask for more clarification. My ex is in our AA meetings and she is a huge trigger for me... that's another crazy story and another abusive relationship. I stand a better chance staying away from her.. I have made great strides in these two years I no longer self injure, I have slowed down and have really tried to act not react to thing's but there is still much more I feel I should be doing. I just want to be happy and independent.

Keep striding Fourwalls...even if they're shorter ones sometimes...how you feeling these last few days? Hope you were able to wind down and get some rest. I had a couple of off days this week. Thankfully they all aren't as bad as those. Most are tolerable if not perfect. Same for you?

Hey fourwalls, I just read your post and I'm brand new to this site. I feel like I can relate a tiny bit to what you wrote. I was in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship for a year until thank God my parents were able to borrow some money and put me on a plane, and anyway before that time I was drinking a lot and taking pills and doing all kinds of drugs- whatever I thought would help, but I thought I had it under control. I just turned 26 earlier this month and in April I had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized. For a college grad with good jobs I also felt like it's super effing lame living with my parents again unemployed, but I realized it's not forever- even if it feels like it sometimes it's only temporary, whether temporary is a few months or a few years. And the doctors don't have a freaking clue what's wrong with me- or why I even ended up in the hospital. I grew up in an emotionally abusive home, and the person I was in love with died in a car accident when I was 20, so they don't know if I have depression, bipolar disorder (my mom has that), PTSD, or what. It's so frustrating trying to get over a problem when you don't know what the problem is. I really admire your taking steps to try to deal. Maybe it doesn't feel like it, but you are getting somewhere. And for what it's worth, it always helps me to know I'm not alone. Personally, I was an athiest, but it might help you to try reading some of Deepak Chopra's work. I've been doing some of his guided meditation and it has really helped me out, because I like to have control so much of the way I feel and think, it helps to just kind of let it go. I've also been seeing a therapist who saw me at my absolute worst, and though it's taken some time, she's been a great help. I hope your experience will be helpful to you also. Anyway, I am so sorry to read you've been having such a hard time, but feel free to vent or whatever! We're all here to help each other as best as we can. For me, it all helps a little, and a little turns into a long way.