Never thought I would call 911 because of a Panic Attack. Until last nite.

****Possible trigger thread****

My sleep's been erratic being on my period. Admittedly been extra stressed cause my dog has what seems to be inflammation on one hip--though she runs like nothing's there--I wanted to take her to the vet yesterday but was not awake/aware enough to go. I am also getting over a two-week sinus infection. On top of the crappy sleep, I hurt all over w/periods almost to the point of tears.

I decided yesterday, exhausted as I was, to stay awake until early evening and go to sleep trying to get my schedule back in track. I fell asleep (thankfully with Sleep Mask on) at 5:00pm. My bf came home with food late (he's on vacation), around 10:00. It was food I'd had before, nothing different, except the tea he got the place from is always teeth-rottingly-sweet. As a general rule tea does not bother me unless brewed really strong (and you never get that at restaurants).

I ate, laid back down. Watching tv, all of a sudden I feel that whole-body, "Uh-oh." Maybe others here know how to describe it but I can't...it's just like a full body sweat comes over me, but without the sweat, like it's internal. I thought, "hmm, this is going to be one of those doozy panic attacks"--laden with hyperventilation, full-body shaking, unable to talk, etc. I waited. None of it came on. Within less than a minute I felt my pulse triple in speed. All the while this feeling is on me, all over me. I kept thinking it's a panic attack, but none of the big stuff was happening. Also my tongue felt weird--like, kind of burned, and sensitive...can't explain that either.

Lately I've had a really hard time being outside--as much as I love this weather--because of the ragweed/hay/etc in the air; my nose and eyes itch immediately. My brother and dad both have asthma, and like allergies, that can arise at anytime. I was breathing quite normal---it might have been a little hard to take a deep breath, but I was breathing. My throat did feel tight. Also lately an incident when I was 15 kept popping up in my head, as it occurred this time of year. I went into borderline anaphylactic shock at school, face/body swelled, pumped me full of adrenaline, etc. The ER said had I been alone somewhere I probably would've died, because my throat was closing up and I had no idea. After numerous allergy tests--all negative--I went to a specialist who determined I had an allergy to my own sweat. You read that right. It's called Cholinergic Urtecaria. Basically, I have to be careful of the temperatures I'm in and how it affects my inner temperature. It's gotten a lot better, but as a teen I couldn't mow the yard/do certain stuff because I would break out in hives. I'd never had panic attacks then so I didn't know to be scared; I didn't even know my lips were swelling until someone told me.

Back to last nite. I'm recalling all this in my head, thinking, "What if this is what that was? It's been hard to breathe deep when I'm outside." My family have a plethora of life-threatening food allergies, though I'm the only one that doesn't. But I know allergies can come on at anytime. My mom is deathly allergic to fish, and I'd eaten tilapia last nite.. "Oh ****, am I allergic to fish now? Is this an allergic reaction?" The fact the typical P. attk symptoms--aside from racing heartbeat--never popped up was what scared the crap out of me. That, "Something's bad wrong" kept washing over me, and I truly felt I might black out, go into shock, anything. I told my bf, "You need to call 911." "Are you sure?" he asked (I've told him this many times before only to realize it was an attack, calmed down and never called). "Yes," I replied, truly afraid (I'm to the point with P. Attks where I'm rarely frightened of them.), "this is not a Panic Attack. This is something different." And I was very calm; also not typical for me during an episode.

He started getting ready, I called 911, told them my history w/Panic Attks, what was going on. About 15 minutes later they showed up, and nothing had gotten better or worse; my legs started to get restless, but I was talking fine, I was not out of breath, and my heart/blood pressure felt like they were going to simply explode. My bf helped me out the door, they brought the stretcher, put the oxygen in my nose, asked what was wrong, what was happening when this came on, etc. I noticed in the ride he did my blood pressure two or three times. The lights inside it were killing me, even w/eyes shut. (I'd been in an ambulance a few times because of the incident in my teens, so I wasn't afraid). Put an oxygen thing on my finger, and I was already wearing out. I had on a shirt--no bra --and shorts, and it's like 60degrees out.

Take me into a hosp room, I'm asked again why I was there, etc. Told they would do bloodwork, EKG, and chest x-rays. They hooked me up to blood pressure machine and oxygen, temperature was a bit high (fighting sinus infection). They asked about my meds, I didn't have my P. Attk med cuz my bf was driving to the hosp with it. They said they'd bring something. Someone came to take blood, and "couldn't find a vein." My family has very thin skin; no one's ever had a problem getting blood. "It is because I'm fat?" I asked. The nurse left, awhile later another one came in. I asked her. "No, it's not that. Sometimes they just don't want to cooperate." Finally got the blood. Then wheeled off to X-rays. In the midst of this, my bf arrived and sat with me, and from the ride over and laying in the bed I kept saying, "I feel so stupid. It was a Panic Attack after all. I'm wasting money and time, and part of my bf's vacation. I'm so stupid." Over and over. Bf reassured me I was only doing what I thought I needed to because I was scared. I reiterated to everyone there and him that I'd NEVER had an attack feel like this. Ever. And I've had dozens upon dozens. My OCD started kicking in too. I was so weak, stressed, damn room lights bothering the **** out of me, and I felt a strong urge to get up and go kill myself.

I've had that "immediacy" in my head before, and it's beyond frightening. It feels like a gasket has been turned on high in my brain and my head's barely containing it. I told my bf, said that my brain feels like it needs to stop this now. I need to do something to stop it because I am terrified I am going to lose my mind, go into psychosis, lose touch with reality, etc. My bf, ever calm, says, "Well if you were going to do any of it you wouldn't be cognizant of it happening, so shouldn't it make you feel a little better that you're so afraid of it because you're not losing it?" "It should, but it doesn't." I told him how I am doing everything I'm told by P-doc and T, exposing myself to anxious environments, yet here I am in a f*cking ER over the same crap I'm trying to get a hold of. It felt like utter failure; I felt like an utter failure, and depression started to set in. The X-ray tech wasn't very nice, and an impulse/thought, "Hit her," came up. This is not new; this is my OCD tried and true. But it's so much worse when I'm physically sick or unable to do something....it's like my mind is determined to get the best of me. I started crying--finally, I rarely cry anymore, thanks meds--and some of that got released.

Only there a few hours thankfully. All the tests were negative. Nurse said EKG looked better than hers, x-rays were fine, as well as all my bloodwork.

I can't say I'm glad it took that to get an EKG, but ppl have mentioned it on here and I've thought about getting one, so I'm glad I can safely say everything in my heart's normal. "So it was just a panic attack?" The nurse kindly nodded. "I have had countless ones of all kinds, and I've never had one like this." "They can crop of in many different ways," and she noted the weird feeling on my tongue is an example of that. "Ok, then how will I know in the future if I'm having an allergic reaction to something or a panic attack?" "Generally w/allergic reactions we look for swelling in the face/throat closing, inability to breathe, etc." Yeah---that last one is textbook attacks too.

I told them I was on Disability w/no insurance, and they gave me the number of billing dept when my bill comes in. I may not have to pay much, or maybe do a payment plan. I kept telling my bf, "I don't care what the cost is. I don't feel guilty about that. I was terrified something physiological---not mental---was happening, and it was worth it to find out."

Even after the benzo they brought me, I wasn't fully calm. But I could go home knowing I was ok. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. How was I unable to recognize that's what it was? Why didn't I start spasming like I always do? None of the typical stuff came up. Which freaks me out for the future....how will I know if it's an attack, or if it's something else.

Hope to see my T Friday. I want so much to get these bastards under control. I'm still on my period, which plays a role, but I feel so defeated. I feel like all of this work has been for *****. I feel like I'm right back where I started. I know I'm not. But in some ways at the moment i'm more afraid right now. Should I take the extra anxiety med more often? How am I ever going to drive or have a job with an attack like last nite? I can't put a word to how I feel right now except extreme anxiety, fear, and helplessness, and let down. Very let down.

Hello, LiveThroughThis! This is a wonderfully written account of one kind of panic attack. I agree you did the right thing. Given your history and other conditions (Cholinergic Urticaria; never heard of that before), calling for emergency assistance was justified.

Please take gentle care of yourself.

Im so sorry you went through such a terrible experience!!

I am too. It is very, unhinging, for me. Haven't been to a hospital in 4 years. Haven't been in ambulance in over 10. I called my mom once I left to let her know I was ok (my bf left her a mess). I called her when I awoke this morning (only 5 hours, despite the Adivan they gave me). She agreed I did what I felt I needed to do. But as soon as I started to talk about how down it made me feel that I didn't recognize it for what it was, how stupid I felt, what a setback it seems like, she simply couldn't hear it. "The tone" began. "I just wouldn't worry about it. It's over. It's done, there's nothing you can do about it. You did what you thought you needed to. The bill will get worked out. Just let it go, and move on." It's the tone I've heard countless upon countless times when she herself can't handle what she's hearing. Ugh. It'd be nice to not be practically the only ****ing adult around me.

I really want to talk to my T, hopefully Friday. I'll be telling my P-doc when I see him in a month. As self-fulfilling prophecy as this sounds, it makes me dread my periods that much more....

Today, even though the hay fever's getting to me, I'm tired, and worn out, I am going out w/bf and friends to a couple haunted houses. I'm taking extra P.Attk medicine with me in case. I've already taken some already. It's that or sit at home and let my mind wander about last night, which I don't need to do.

It still shocks me--denial I guess or inability to accept--that this does not kill people. I get it can cause eventual heart/blood pressure problems, etc. But that in the midst of it; in the midst of feeling completely and absolutely helpless, terrified, of one's own brain, and yet be able to get up, get on the computer, go into town. I don't know how to deal. I don't like taking the extra anxiety med. I've never overdosed or become addicted to it or even craved it. I'm just struggling and I'm sick to death of it. I love how my dad told my mom he thinks I'm making all of my crap up for attention/it's-not-that-bad/he has panic attacks too but he goes to work, etc. Hmm, guess he's forgotten he spent over a quarter of a century dealing with his issues by blacking out and chugging alcohol. I'm sober through all of this, thanks!

What a horrible experience. . . but you came out the other end. I have ended up in emerg with far less scary symptoms.

Be gentle with yourself

I ended up not going to the haunted house. Though I'd been before, I knew I would have a P. attk again and I didn't have the energy for it so I stayed home. Since the ER visit, severe depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt embarrassed, down, pissed off (yet another kind of panic attck to look out for), helpless. I had a really really good cry the night before last. It all started tumbling out to my bf--what all's been on my mind, possible triggers, etc. One, I hate even admitting, is my father. I haven't spoken with him in going on 8 months, because he decided I no longer wanted him to contact me (long story, he's extremely defensive and to be a recovering alcoholic has no more maturity than he did when he drank). He thinks I'm making all of this up and that I must enjoy getting my "check" every month.

He and my mom are still friends (she divorced him when I was 13), and the fact they hang together but he can't contact his kid....
So, that has been on my mind some lately, on top of all the other crap in my life. I fantasize about unleashing my rage on him; not physically, but letting him have it with every word I can muster; I did it when I was 16 and he was actively drinking. I held nothing back; my mother and grandmother graciously sat and let me. It did no good except make me feel better. I try to shrug off how much he's hurt me this year, but it's down there deep whether I admit it or not.

Anyway, last nite I had a panic attack like the one that sent me to the ER. Thankfully I caught it for what it was. I stripped down to my underwear because I was getting so flushed, and had my bf lay wet cloths on me. I took my P. attk med and curled up in bed. No spasms, no hyperventilating, no crying. It's a foreign kind of attack for me. I would give anything to have the ones that cause convulsions over these past two anyday.

I've finally gotten decent sleep the last couple nights, but I don't get much physical relief because the hay fever outside drives my eyes into itching fits. Saw my T today, and she pointed out how my dad has been a source of stress for me for months now. It pisses me off he still plays such a part in my emotional-ness, in my spirit. I want to hate him, and on some level I certainly do, but more than that I am hurt and mystified.

I was glad to be up early today to get errands done, but I'm not sure my eyes/sinuses can take whatever the hell is in the air outside. I'm tired of being confined to this g*ddamn house. I'm tired period. My T says for me to try to accept my P Attks for now, and not try so hard to grasp control over everything.... I know what she's getting at.

I just wish sometimes I could exist without having to eat, or pee, or shower, or move. Just not do anything at all, and not feel like **** for it.

I think today is going to be very up and down. While it's true that not all moods are simply Bipolar, I think my current headspace is directly correlated. Along with the hayfever accompanying one of my favorite times of year.

I may or may not be around here for a few days. Not because of what's been going on w/me per se, but because, honestly, sometimes getting on here is downright depressing, and somedays I can't give anyone any comfort.

So between the first crazy episode involving an ER visit and the second minor one, I started thinking how it just doesn't make sense that this is a "new" kind of panic attack after years of chronic ones of multiple kinds. I kept going over it in my head and it didn't add up.

I thought about the antihistamine--Claritin--that I'd just started taking daily last week. The hayfever's been kicking my ***, and though I take enough pills a day to choke a horse, I decided to give in and take the Claritin daily hoping it would help me be able to enjoy being outside without my face being a giant congested itch.

I looked up possible side effects, and this is what I found. http://doublecheckmd.com/EffectsDeta...13435&eid=2724
Not only that, I searched for people with Panic Disorder that's taken Claritin, and many said they suffered from the same spiked-blood-pressure and heart rate.

Once I read all that it made perfect sense. I've never checked my bp during a Panic Attack, but I can safely say that in the dozens upon dozens of attacks I've had they NEVER accelerated as fast as the ER room nite.

I haven't taken the Claritin since Tuesday, and except for a minor version Thursday (today's Sunday am), I've not had another episode. I told my mom and grandmother about it (they're both pretty knowledgeable about med side effects, etc.), and they both agreed. My grandmother nailed it, "Sounds like what's happened is a reaction to the Claritin." My mom's reaction mirrored my own, "Damn! Unbelievable! I never would have thought of that."

The real kicker is my Dr/internist purposely prescribed it for me because, "You don't want to take anything OTC as they can raise blood pressure." Then why the ***** did he prescribe it. He knows I have GAD, take meds for it. How did that not add up in his head? I know how. He took one look at my overweight/bloated body and wrote me off as an at-risk pre-diabetic who's simply lazy (I can't recall having a worse first-appt with such awful bedside manner). I told my P-doc about my initial visit, what he said about my weight, etc., & even he was appalled at what the Internist told me. "70% of Internists' patients are psychiatric patients; it's a large part of their job to put two an two together when they see those meds plus their patients' weight, etc.", he informed me, and even said the guy shouldn't be in practice.

I'm just, livid. I don't see the Internist until next year, but as soon as I get my primary health stuff taken care of, I'm changing doctors, then I'm writing him a letter. The only thing he accurately picked up on was my lack of energy possibly being more than just being overweight; hence the Anemia diagnosis. Otherwise I'm telling everyone to avoid him.

Because of the bullsh*t this week, taking my P. Attk. med to control the episodes, plus allergies, I've been sleeping a ton....and went 4 days without taking my meds, Not on purpose; it just escaped my mind. To add to all this, the past day hypomania's come up, and not in a good way---I've had rage, almost overwhelming impulses to destroy stuff (not ppl) in the house, scream, etc. Took some of my P. Attk med to calm it down. I know it's because I haven't taken my meds. I never forget that many days---and it wouldn't have even happened if I hadn't taken that stupid Claritin. I'm just glad I caught it when I did...... I'm certain had I not, it would have caused subsequent dire effects (one being taking the P.Attk med more; like I need to take that regularly, NOT. )

I partially wanted to share this as a caution to those of you w/anxiety/etc., and taking allergy meds that can mimic (horribly) Panic Attacks. I can't help but think that, because of my history of Panic Attacks, the ER simply wrote it off as a random attack...they asked about all the psych meds I'm on but didn't bother finding out the antihistamine's name (I was so out of it I couldn't remember the name of that one, ). That pisses me off as well; seems like a subtle writing-off because I'm "anxious."

I am still furious, and pumped up. I'm about to make a list of things I can hopefully get done this week to distract myself from my head and be constructive.

WOW! I had no idea Claritin could do that. I'm so glad you found out now. Earlier would have been better, I agree, but what a relief that must be for you.

I've had to resort to an app on my phone to remind me to take my meds. I used to forget all the time, and then I would forget if I had taken them or not.

I know what you mean about taking some time off from PC. Sometimes I just can't read the posts. I've still been finding it helpful to check in once in a while.

I get crazy hay fever/allergies. I'm usually a snivelling mess from spring break up to fall freeze up. My optometrist prescribed Pataday eye drops for itchy eyes. It was a saviour for me. http://www.pataday.com/ ask your doc about it maybe. I also get allergy shots every week which have helped me a lot. I used to feel like I had a cold ALL the time. Now I can't even remember the last time I had a cold. I also learned to stay away from Echinacea and Chamomile. I love the outdoors and I moved to the country. . so I had to find something that would let me be outside.

BTW the Socrates quotes is one of my favourites. I really want to post it on my manager's door. . . maybe he would take the hint