OCD and Stress

I'm really stressed out lately because of several things happening. I'm going to keep this post short (well, shorter than it could be), because it could be really long, and I don't have time to post as much as I'm feeling, plus I don't have the inclination to.

One problem is solved, that of our air conditioner not working. It's been fixed, but my bf doesn't turn it up high enough for me, so I'm still kind of hot, and getting sweaty and hot makes me tense, which brings on my heat and sweat, and that makes my OCD worse. Even though the main problem with the a.c. is fixed, the stress of the days without it has added up. I've avoided touching some things (and thus, doing some things), because I wanted to wait till I got clean again, and could feel normal again.

Today, a bunch of things have happened that add up to a bad day. Things that should have been done weren't, and things I'd planned have to be changed now. This will postpone me feeling a little more normal. Inside, I feel dirty and it's been several days now, and I want to burst out crying. I haven't so far, because I don't want to delve further into that awful feeling, but I feel like the tears will come, sooner or later.

On top of everything, my bf is having car problems. His car is currently in the shop, and he has a rental car, which I can't ride in, because I can't ride in used cars or other people's cars. He may not get his car back until Monday. I have tickets to the movies Sunday (free, because of a Pepsi promotion), and may not be able to go. I want to get out of this apartment so bad. The people fixing my bf's car say it will cost upwards of $2200, plus he has to get his clutch replaced, or it will cost even more in the future. And there's another problem that will eventually need fixing, which will cost around $1,000. He says he will have to stop buying me books like he does every week, which had already been reduced to one day a weekend, because he can't afford it. I understand that, but it adds a lot of stress and depression to me, because I look forward to that one thing every week. It's one of the few things I really enjoy; there's nothing else we can afford to do that I really, really like.

I want to feel "normal" again, and be able to relax and do the things I normally do. I just needed to vent. I can't tell my bf what I'm really going through, because he's stressed out enough, and when I talk about my problems to him, he gets more stressed. I hate being a burden to him. I wish I lived alone in my own house, so I wouldn't have to be a burden to anyone.

maven...having suffered with ocd most of my life..and i'm 56..lol...i truly understand all your stressors even if other people don't...the one thing that popped into my head was about the books that you like to get each week because i love books also.....how about you and your boyfriend get a library card and he can still pick you up a book or magazine weekly but it won't cost anything?.....just a thought....hope you feel better soon....if you ever need to chat....pm me

Thanks, but a library card won't work. I can't go to libraries, schools or churches, because they're dirty to me, and used books and other used items are a problem for me. That's why I can't go in my bf's rental car. I'm hoping he gets his car back today, so we can go to the movies tomorrow (I got free tickets, so we only have to pay for any snacks we get).

Maven... I see the pain and sadness in your words written. Why do you think your bf is with you? The answer is: He loves you! Yes, OCD put a lot of strain into every day life... but he's with you because he wants to.
I don't know about this... if it would work for you... but singing is a good thing to keep your mind of thinking obsessive thoughts. Hard to both sing and think of other stuff at the same time. I use my writing to get things out of my mind. It doesn't work like magic... but it helps a bit.
Please know, that you can PM me any time!

((((((((((((((( Maven )))))))))))))))

Thanks, but my bf does not love me. He cares about me, and I about him, but we're not in love. He's with me because he'd be in even tighter financial strain without me. Still, I think he'd be in less, because my OCD costs a lot of money, but he's told me he couldn't afford our apartment without my share of the rent money.

Thanks for the advice about singing, but I can't do that. I mean, I sing every day, but I can't really sing well, and I get very depressed about it, because I want to sing well. It's a dream I'll never have come true. It's very painful for me.

Getting my mind off obsessive thoughts isn't so easy. I can't touch many things, so I can't always write when I'm feeling dirty, and that doesn't fix things. I do appreciate the suggestion, though.

I am feeling really down right now, because my boyfriend didn't get his car back today, so I won't get out at all this weekend, and I won't get to see Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow, for which I had free tickets. And the tickets can't be used for another movie another time. I lose out on that.

I am just so sick of it all.

I suffer from OCD too, so I can relate with what your going through.
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean a little a while ago, and if it makes you feel any better, your not missing out on much. The whole movie all I could think about is how dirty everything in the movie was. It made me really nervous, and I didn't enjoy it. It does suck seeing how you loose out on the free movie ticket, but if it causes extra stress, then even if it's free it's not worth it.
It doesn't matter if you can sing well or not, as long as you can sing, and you have fun doing it thats all that matters. I'm sure you have a beautiful voice.

Jen.

Thanks, Jen. I wouldn't have a problem with obsessing over things being dirty in the movie, and it wouldn't ruin the movie for me, but I do think of stuff in movies like that sometimes. When I watch a horror movie and there's gore, I think of the actor having to wash all of that off, LOL!

I appreciate the thought of having fun while singing, whether one is good or not, but I've always wanted to perform, and that's why it hurts so much.

OCD is why I haven't achieved many of my dreams. That and panic disorder.

My bf got his car back today...finally. But he says money has to be really tight, and I understand that, but it upsets me. Book shopping is the thing I look forward to all week, and I already don't get all the books I want.