[Liv28]

I used to be a hugely social person..I consider myself still to be..but I suppose, in reality, I am not. Two years ago, I worked in a fast paced, highly respected bar in Colorado as the head Manager/Bartender and Head Dance Coordinator (NOT STRIPPER), I had tons of friends..People knew who I was..and I knew who they were..two years ago..I moved to a new city, something that is really not all that out of the norm for me..I have moved over 28 different times in my life. I only tell you this because moving has never been an issue for me..making friends has never been an issue for me..adapting to a new place has never been an issue for me..and for some reason..this time it is! Granted, I am married now..I have a new, highly professional job..but still in the two years that I have been here I have not made one friend..and on top of that I think I have been having anxiety attacks when I have been out in social settings..but I am not sure..see I am not really sure..I have talked with a friend who thinks it might be a mild form of social anxiety..and well I have a major problem seeking help from doctors or taking medication..so I was wondering if there was any other advice..or techniques one might resort too..The attacks are very mild..but they seem to be getting worse..shaking of legs..tigtening arms and stomach muscles...shaking of jaw..is this even an anxiety attack?? or just my imagination? I am not looking for a diagnoses..just advice..Thanks

[Sujin]

Hi Liv!
I'm sorry you are dealing with what you feel might be social anxiety. I don't really know what advice to give you, except to say if I were you I would keep myself as comfortable as I can and avoid social events that would make me uncomfortable. Are you under stress that may be causing you to feel less social? Or has something happened to you in a social setting that has made you uncomfortable? Just wondering, since you said you were once a hugely social person, and the job you once had would definitely require being very outgoing and social.

The physical symptoms you described sound very much like they could be brought on by anxiety. I can identify with the muscle tightness, it seems to happen to me when I am in big crowds of people. I know you said you have a major problem accepting help from doctors and receiving medications, but it might be a good idea to seek help as far as getting therapy. Sometimes just talking and receiving some professional feedback can be extremely helpful. I have never been to a therapist that tried to force medication on me, it was always an option, but not a requirement. Also a therapist can give you helpful tips that can identify why you are feeling the way you are, and maybe give you a few exercises to use for when you are feeling this anxiety.

I don't know if you will benefit from what I've just written, but I hope you feel better.

Best Wishes,
Zen

[Liv28]

Thanks for replying Zen, I was really starting to think that maybe people just don't like ME anymore..LOL..not very many people even talk to me in HERE..no there has not been anything that has happened to me in a social setting..not that I can recall anyways..but I am very confined out in the country on a ranch now...so I don't get to town much..My job keeps me busy..I work at a law firm..but I am just the Legal Secretary as of right now..I am going to College to become the Paralegal so hopefully i will be dealing directly with people later on..I used to be highly involved in my community..now I am not..I used to have lots of friends like I said..now I do not..I guess I am lonely..and confused as to what my body is responding to when I try to make a concious effort to go out and make contact with the outside world..to me this just doesn't seem like me..I dunno..as for the therapist idea..I appreciate the help there..but it won't happen..I used to go to therapy and well it did me more harm than good..and I refuse to go back to one..I understand that there are really good therapists out there..but its just not something that I am willing to do..I KNOW I can beat this on my own..I have heard of breathing and relaxation techniches and such and seeing as my attacks, if you can call them that, are so mild I was hoping I could find some info on them..Thanks again for replying to me..I appreciate it..means a lot!! (((HUGS)))

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Just wanted to let you know that I understand your feelings..... for I too am fighting a social / public anxiety issue, and I was once very out going and could make friends with anyone.... then BAM! one day when I was in a store all I wanted to do was run away and hide - CRYING was all I could manage at the moment - and in front of strangers who did not understand.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sujin]

Awww Liv, I often feel the same way, and it's hard when we make a post and no one responds. I have anxiety at the mere thought of making a personal post right now!

I understand what you mean about therapy too,I have only had one positive encounter with a therapist, and I don't know where she is now.

I do believe that you (we) can overcome anxiety by using relaxation techniques like you mentioned (deep breathing) among other things. I find that exercise works wonder for my mind, as well as my body, so I try to get in at least 3-4 days of exercise. Anyway, I hope you begin feeling more like yourself again, and find something that works for you personally.

Love,
Zen

[Liv28]

Thanks Raps..thanks Zen..makes me feel good knowing there are people who understand.. my best friend seems to understand but she is so far away.. its just hard sometimes..My hubby has no clue about this..he knows about my past but I try to leave my past in the past so to speak...because my greatest fear is to bring my past to the present..so I dont really want him to know about this unless I feel that it really is getting to the point of no control..Up until about two months ago I worked out about four times a week..Lately I have just been so freaking busy with work and school and personal stuff..maybe I am just stressed..I dunno..anyways thanks you two..I am gonna work extra hard on getting my butt back out there and making new friends..I can't stand being at home all the time just as much as I cant stand whats happening to me..soooo wish me luck!

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Liv28 said:
My hubby has no clue about this..he knows about my past but I try to leave my past in the past so to speak...because my greatest fear is to bring my past to the present..

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I found it best to let my husband in on how I was feeling..... now he is a great support to me and my emotions during these moments of stress & fear.

BTW - it is the bringing of the past into the present that one finds their own healing.... check out the book I listed in the Rate & Review section called: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Liv28]

Rhapsody--I believe that I have dealt with my past and that I have been healed to the point that I can live a somewhat normal life....even if there is a little bump here and there..I think what I meant by bringing my past into the present is that I sometimes fear that, not that my past will come to haunt me, but that maybe the evil person that I used to be is still hidden deep down within me waiting to unleash her fury once again..I fear that sometimes..but I know that she is gone..does this makes sence? Its just a fear..because that person that I used to be reaked so much havoc on peoples lives..almost destroyed her own..and now..now I don't see any sign of that person in who I am today..and I have no desire to bring that past to the present is all..so I don't talk about it..I see no point in it..I fear that if I do..well..I see no point is all..I feel I have dealt with that part of my life and moved on..the people that know me..agree and believe the same..I do share with my husband..everything..and I will this..IF I feel that there is a need to..and at this point I am not sure there is..we will see..I feel like I just went in a huge circle here..sorry

[Rhapsody]

Np - around and round WE often go........... just as long as we can still get off.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Liv28]

I will second that!! Thanks for you time Rhapsody!! It won't be forgotten!

[Naina]

Hi friends!
I am anew member here with the same problem of social anxiety. I avoid meeting poeple. When i am in a gathering i feel all are looking at me and i am very inferior. i don't know why.When i am alone , i feel really normal. But in poeple i am totally changed. I am scared and shy and depressed when in poeple.

Liv, i just found this thread. i have social anxiety at times and i cannot go out my door...can't talk...can't do anything but stand still, like a deer in headlights.......

i understand your feelings. here i am..plunked down in Texas and i must overcome this. i have been hitting the library and making friends with the workers and have become very friendly with one neighbor family.

i've gone from a highly visible person to this little recluse spiderwoman.......talk to me any time.......

[bebop]

Liv hon I say it again hon!! you have grown so much over the last 10 yrs it is hard to imagine you being the same person! I congratulate you! You are an amazing young woman now and I am just thrilled. Maybe it is being in the country and more secluded that you are having this kind of reaction. I know I use to be really outgoing and ready to grab the world..now all I want to do mostly is sit in the house. I don't like to be around alot of people anymore. You hang in there hon...you will get that back!

[seeker1950]

I too am more comfortable in my solitude. I avoid social gatherings, like just yesterday being invited to a "spa party" with my best friend. I excused myself and said I was still unpacking from the recent move (which is true). I am a turtle, shrinking into my shell for comfort. I like it!
Patty