Arbitrary Aversion to Physical Affection

I have no idea if this would be something related to my anxiety or what.
I have been in my relationship for around 4 and a half years, and we are getting married in a few months. I am obviously am in love with him, haha.
Throughout this time, though, some days or just for a few hours, et cetera, I sometimes cannot deal with affection. I guess this goes for more than just physically, but that's mostly where it becomes a burden.

If he tries to kiss me, I recoil, inside feeling disgusted by the idea. Just the thought of our lips touching for a closed-mouth kiss disgusts and repulses me. Like, I can actually feel myself begin to snarl. Same thing happens if he tries to touch or hold my hand or put a hand on my back, for example. All of these normal things people do as partners as just daily effortless things become a big deal. I recoil, and it hurts him. He is the sensitive one in the relationship, so it compounds - I've talked to him about this and he gets it (it's happened our entire relationship, and with others before him), but he still gets this pathetic, dejected look on his face. Because of the mood I am in during these times, I have no empathy at all and feel like calling him out. I know this seems cold as I'm writing this, but I'm in one of those moods now.

He came home for lunch today, and on the way out back to work, he kissed me on the lips, and for me it was like trying to shove two of the same magnet together. I tried; it didn't work. He left, and since then I've literally tried wiping the kiss off of my lips, like kids do with "cooties."

Generally speaking, if someone told me what I am writing here without any background, I would first think they probably don't like the person as much as they say, or that they endured some kind of abuse before. Neither is the case for me.... I love my fiance dearly, and when I don't feel this strange mood, everything is better than "average." In fact, we are always mindful and agree that making sure we keep physical affection a top priority keeps a strong connection.

I have social anxiety that I recently discovered as something I've actually struggled with my whole life (on top of generalized), and it is worsening. Is this part of that? Does anyone else have this problem? It's not just that feeling of not being "in the mood," it is very poignant and a guttural feeling of total repulsion. I might as well be kissing someone I hate, is what it feels like.

I do not like any kind of physical contact. It just is uncomfortable to me- whether that be a kiss, or just a touch on the shoulder. I have no history of trauma or abuse, so I don't know where i get it. I don't have any great advice for you, but wanted to let you know that I can relate.

I'm very particular about physical contact and yes, I've felt what you're describing on more than one occasion.

For me, it can be one of three things causing the reaction:
1 - I feel trapped. That's the anxiety talking, I know. But, I feel like the other person is just too close, they're intruding in my space, and if I make physical contact, I won't be able to get away.

2 - Sometimes, I'm just being very sensitive to my environment and the other person's presence feels almost like an interference pattern with my own presence. I feel almost repelled by them (like you described - trying to shove two like poles of a magnet together).

3 - I need to feel mentally "connected" to a person before physical touch is comfortable for me. If someone I'm not feeling connected with on some other level, right at that moment, touches me, it feels very intrusive and unpleasant.

These are some really insightful reasons. I can be sort of...not empathetic, and in past relationships I didn't care enough to really think about any of this before, but this guy's going to be my husband, so I figure I should get some handle on it.

To be honest, these three might really be it. I feel like that often, even if by myself, just in that kind of atmospheric situation. I have generalized and social anxiety, so the feeling of being trapped and being encroached upon without "warming up" first (see: being threatened, in my mind during those times) is huge.

You may not like this,but your feelings/behavior is
abnormal. Before I went to counseling I too would
have said I'd never been abused (I had repressed it).
And even if some of you have really not been abused, you must look back to your conditioning as
a child. We ALL get conditioned,for good or ill in
our families of origin,and unless we are aware of
that; WE ACT OUT OUR CONDITIONING.
Hope that helps.
Kind Regards,
BLUEDOVE

Thanks to everyone for responses.
As of last night, I've discovered I may have Schizoid Personality Disorder. Can't wait to talk with my psych. /sarcasm
Though, if it is the case, it would certainly explain this...and just about everything else, hah. Writing the email tonight.