Anxious - First Time Poster

Hello. I am a 22 year old male. For years I have been convinced by all of the material I have read that I suffer from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Why I am posting here I am unsure but oh well. Anxiety is a huge factor in all of my daily problems/struggles. First I suffer from horrid daily headaches that almost always end up being a migraine later in the day. The pain is so severe that I want to stay in my bedroom all of the time. When I am not in pain I want to avoid anything that I fear will be a trigger for a headache. When I have a migraine, I get anxious that its going to be a bad one and because I'm so anxious and paranoid about it, it makes my head hurt that much worse. When I don't have a migraine, I still fear that I will get one regardless of anything and because I'm stressing myself out by worrying, lo and behold my migraine appears again. Now this has been affecting my relationship with fiancé, work, the fact I don't even have my license yet, my living situation and just everything in general. My brain runs extremely fast and its so fast that when I have a simple thought as to where I would like to eat or what I would like to eat turns into a hell battle because I can't say words fast enough out loud to keep up with my fast brain and I get confused so easily and then I don't even want to do anything at that point. I just flat out get upset too fast and see everything in black and white. I am an extremely negative person and I can spin almost anything to be the worst thing ever imaginable and THAT is the ONLY option. There's plenty more I could discuss but I suppose I will wait for questions so I can coherently answer them instead of sifting through my head and putting it down on paper. Now I don't really know where I am going with this but I just flat out need some kind of help because the severe depression I am going through is getting out of control and I hate waking up every single morning. I have nothing going on \in my life except for my lovely fiancé but I am scared to death of losing her before I can even start working on these issues myself. Any feedback would be soo great to hear. So thanks everyone who gives this a read.

Welcome. It sounds like you are having a really hard time. Have you been to a doctor with your concerns and symptoms? They will be able to help you with everything you have mentioned. Hold in there!

I agree with Supanova, that professional help would be the best choice for you. Glad you found PC. It's a great place to hang out, tell you story or just to rant if you need to. There is always someone here willing to help out. I am sorry you are in such pain. I used to have migrains, years ago, and know how bad they can hurt. Best wishes.

I'm not nor have I been in a position to seek help. For the first time ever I had my own health insurance this past may but I lost my job due to missing too much work because I was in the hospital for migraines. And I am still unemployed and terrified of getting a new job because as far as I'm concerned I wont be able to make it 3 months for insurance benefits because my migraines make it so I can't do **** but stay in a cold dark room.

So familiar- the anxiety about the building physical reactions causing your physical reactions to build which causes your anxiety to worsen...Sounds like me.

I used to do it to myself with migraines and vomiting from stress. Luckily the migraines are getting under control. I have found for me no matter what i have going on and how angry it makes my husband, I take pain killers and go straight to bed when I feel one coming on. Somehow i can usually sleep despite my anxiety when the migraines come on, although sometimes I will still wake up vomiting, at least I no longer have to feel with that incredible pain, the visual disturbances, vomiting from light, sound, lack of light, lack of sound.

Yep, my migraines I can control as long as I step back from what I'm doing immediately and take care of myself. The vomiting I can usually prevent by taking acid reflux meds and watching my diet. The self-loathing for allowing my mental health take over my physical health and disrupting my life? Well, it's improving with my symptoms but will always be present as they take over (which increases my anxiety...)

Is stress the trigger for your migraines? If so, perhaps you should talk to a doc about getting medicated for your anxiety. If you can stabilize that some, perhaps your physical symptoms will improve as well.

Stress is a huge trigger yes. I cannot speak to a doctor. I have spoke to my fiancés parents and they again reinforced the fact that Arizona does not have any free clinics. And I take Promethazine for my stomach when I start throwing up because of migraines. And no one seems to understand the cyclical nature of the fact that I stress about migraines, I get a migraine so I stress about it and the migraines worse and yada yada. I am not allowed to take any pain meds anymore. If I do I am back on the street. And this is coming from someone who four Percocet fives can barely soothe a migraine but it allows me to take care of an 8 hour shift. But the hospital flat out wont ever prescribe me that ever again, they made a note on my record stating that I'm showing drug seeking behavior.

Isn't promethazine a prescription medication? Primary doctors are often willing to prescribe antidepressants/antianxiety meds, you don't necessarily need to see a psychiatrist?

I get those from someone close to me.

And I cannot afford a doctor period.

Migraines can be the symptom of something far more serious. Did they give you any answers when you were in hospital with them? Did you get any type of scans or blood tests?

I wish I had some advice for you. Do you do any relaxation/meditation? It may help keep your stress levels down. Can you afford to take fish oil or other suppliments for brain health? Are you in a good eating and sleeping routine?

No one should have to endure such agony and pain. I would suggest as a last resort since there are no free clinics in Arizona and if you can't afford a doctor visit to go to ED. They can not refuse you for no insurance in ED. Tell them you are suffering from depression, anxiety and severe headaches. They may actually admit you inpatient to further evaluate you or if not subscribe some meds. But do not go alone. Go with a family member.

No to all those. Fish oil, I have tried. Didn't do anything at all. I have been having migraines for 13 years so its not an immediate threat which is probably why no one gives a ****. And I cannot go to the ER anymore. They give me benedryl and when I say after a few hours its not doing anything they kick me out.

And the 8 or 9 times I went to the ER, I have never mentioned depression, just always anxiety and my massive migraines. They never bother asking again about the anxiety they brush that off immediately. My fiancé believes that it is a waste of time based on the fact last time I was there he said "I will give you a prescription this last time, but until you start seeing a neurologist or pain management, you won't receive and kind of prescription for your headaches."