[wotchermuggle]

I've been struggling with anxiety (among other things) for the past 4-5 years. I've had anxiety my whole life, but it's been manageable. I had my first panic attack about 4-5 years ago and it's been a huge struggle since.

I've been in therapy and on meds for about 3-4 years. My current T is great and my Pdoc is great, but I still am facing overwhelming anxiety and feel like I'm holding onto the end of my rope.

I don't know how much more of it I can take. When am I going to have permanent relief from anxiety? It impacts me every single day and is so debilitating that I just want to give up.

I think to anyone who hasn't experienced anxiety, that it probably seems like I'm exaggerating things, but it is so difficult to live with.

[Max]

No you're right, it's wearing & exhausting. It's worse cause if I didn't have the rapid heart thing & tightening of the chest (measurable) it would be assumed I was faking & a drama queen. Just cause you don't show a VISIBLE impairment it's too easy to dismiss.

In my mind (jmo) having this is like being diabetic. I'm in it for the long haul I guess.
It's normal to have ups & downs. It sounds like your in a low point? A friend told me to look at times like this that it could only get better if I thought I'd hit bottom.
I have no clue why that helped me but it did.

Well that & looking at Grumpy Cat funnies!

[jbar]

wotchermuggle...

That could've been me talking -- very similar. I've had anxious tendencies my whole life, but it was at a level that I just thought it was my personality and I was always super happy and could relax and have fun.

After living in Japan for a few years, it ramped up quickly and started to be a serious problem, but was still manageable in my balanced life. Then, four years ago I moved here to Hawaii (but I increased my stress level stupidly), and a couple years ago I woke up at 2am with an extreme panic attack. It's like I snapped, because ever since then, it's been downhill. As time goes on, the symptoms are stacking up and rarely subside... ringing in the ears, intense muscle tension and twitches (my right calf is like a motorboat), blurred vision, dizziness, chronic insomnia, and the worst of all, depersonalization. The last one is really the scariest. I feel like I'm going insane when that happens. Sometimes I get stuck with that for long bouts -- hours or even days, and that's when things get *really* dark for me. I barely even think feel conscious. It's like I'm on a bad acid trip or something (just assuming it might be something like that... I've never tried illegal drugs).

Tonight I woke up from what was apparently a panic attack and I didn't know where I was or when it was. I was only half conscious and felt stuck in a waking nightmare.

So, trust me -- I know how extremely horrible it is. I don't trust anyone to understand who hasn't experienced it themselves, including doctors. I would do anything to be able to wake up feeling rested and have some small measure of ambition and excitement, enjoyment, or hopeful dreams again. Until the depersonalization stuff started a year ago, I still hung on with a disconnected cerebral hope, but now I feel dead... worse than dead - like in hell a lot of the time.

I don't really have any positive way to end this :-P

[Cyran0]

Yes, having anxiety is hellish. I've had it my whole life and I know it will never be over. So that's pretty negative. Here's the thing though, I'm old enough now to know that some periods are better than others. Yeah, when it's bad it's crippling and it's hard to believe it when you're in the middle of that but there are good times too. Things will change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst but they will change and people like us just have to hold on and do our best.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Well anxiety can be like diabetes. It is a chronic condition. I have horrible anxiety and anything I do such as miss work, drink, or sleep all day to try to help me feel better, are the WORST things to do and make me end up feeling like living in a hell of infinite pain and worry. I wish I would learn to take care of myself and not make things worse.