[sunsetsunrise]

Hi
I do not know where this belongs. For me it causes anxiety. So I put it in the anxiety area of the forums. If it belongs elsewhere, I am sure it will be moved to right place.

I rarely think I have said or done anything right. It also brings up lots of self loathing. Was wondering if anyone else deals with this. It got to a point where it finally kept me inside not even making phone calls to people. Just wondering what other peoples experiences with this is.

Once I listened to a "Meridian tapping" teleconference. The woman who was talking used the metaphor of a computer. She said that new computer program needs to be installed so that the files of compliments and good words that people offer ( or affirmations we might say ) can even have a program or folder that recognizes them. Otherwise they have no place to go. I never forgot this. It made total sense to me. I keep looing at office depot for this program. Perhaps Amazon has it.

I would be curious to read what other people have to say about this subject.

[madisgram]

and a good subject it is! i have dealt with this my whole life..sometimes far worse than other times. i find that particularly certain ppl can push my buttons more than others. in therapy my T told me it's old tapes running that are not factual. for the life of me tho they keep on running. one thing i have done that helped was recognizing that family members are particularly good at tapping into my bad tapes. i have to keep a healthy distance from them as a result.
but..other ppl can push those same buttons. it causes me to be depressed. i have tried methods to overcome this but it rears it's ugly head in spite of my efforts. i too stay at home a lot cause it's risky to encounter those same feelings of a lack of self worth.
i so can relate to what you posted. i wish i could give you good advice of things that work for me but i keep returning to that same spot of a lack of self worth in spite of therapy.
i'm going thru a bad time of it right now...thank you for your post. at least i'm not alone in this.

[sundog]

Hi ((((((sunsetsunrise)))))) Thanks so much for posting this! I love the computer analogy! Right on! That is so true. Please let me know if you find that particular program!!!!!!

I've been reading an interesting book which talks about how our brains are hardwired to register negative experiences over positive experiences. The reason for this is evolutionary. Our ancestors needed to be far more aware of threats and dangers than of pleasurable feelings. Because threats and dangers could kill them. So the brain is pre-programmed to notice negative things first in order to help us survive. Only, in some people, this goes awry!!! And that's ALL we notice. I can definitely relate to this. I am soooooo focused on the things I'm worried about and on possible negative things that could happen (or real negative things that have happened). I have to make a really big effort to "take in the good". The book talks a lot about ways to "take in the good" and it involves developing and strengthening NEW pathways in our brain that focus on good things (or, as you say, creating new folders to store the positive information).

The brilliant thing about the brain is that it is "plastic" (capable of changing) and so it really is possible to create new pathways if we work at it.

Sorry to ramble on!! This is a very interesting topic for me! I really can relate a lot to your post. I have a lot of self-loathing and I'm always second-guessing myself and thinking I have "failed" (or expecting to fail). I have very little faith in myself and this definitely increases my anxiety because it makes me doubt my ability to handle things.

I'm really trying to work on this but it's hard! One thing that seems to help is making a conscious effort to focus on good things and writing them down. For example, making a list of things I have achieved each day (however small), making a list of what I'm grateful for, and even a list of things I like about myself (that one is HARD!!) And then looking at those lists regularly and trying to add to them.

I think CBT is also helpful for changing our distorted negative thoughts about ourselves and I'm looking into some more CBT-based therapy......

Perhaps the hardest thing of all - but the most effective - is pushing myself to do some of the things I'm afraid of. Because if I'm able to do that, it definitely increases my confidence. I'm not making much headway with this though and I'm still giving in to my fears and avoiding things.......

Thanks again for posting such an interesting topic!! Wishing you all the very best ((((((((sunsetsunrise))))))))

[Gabu]

All the time. Right now I'm going though a mini guilt trip since I never actually do anything or help around the house. The only reasons it doesn't look like I'm doing anything is working on other things I need to get done (generally for school), not knowing if my parents actually need any help in the first place, and deciding to do something just after someone has already started it.

I've been meaning to do my own laundry again for weeks, but my mom has taken that responsibility again without even telling me, and thinks that I've gotten too busy at school/lazy at home to actually do it, which is totally not the case. It's just whenever I want to do it, all my clothes are clean in the first place. And I always want to do the dishes about an hour after dinner (for food to settle, mind to settle, alarm to go do them goes off, etc.), but by the time I get to the kitchen mom already has them done. Oddly enough, the dishes are what I do to get my weekly allowance, but getting $2 a week regardless whether I do it or not but getting criticized whenever I don't clean something good enough at 19 is kind of ridiculous when I could just go out and get a job.

I always feel like I do most things wrong whenever I'm in front of my family, because either I don't know what they want and never tell me, or I know what they do want, but it's an issue that is more or less something I can't change.

[sunsetsunrise]

Madisgram, Sorry you are going through a rough time right now. you are not alone in it. Not at all. Because you have your pc family. If you ever want support, I am here.

Sundog, That book sounds interesting. I have haard that the body is hardwired to stay alive whenever possible. But I have not heard that "our brains are hardwired to register negative experiences over positive experiences" I also did not know that CBT is treatment for self loathing. I know its treatment for many anxiety related conditions. Agoraphobia amongst the most well known. you said you are making a conscious effort to notice and write down good things. Well, I would bet that practce could get you further than most things anyone could try. Just a guess. Especially if its combined with other things as well.

Gabu, heres a mantra for you " its not my fault ommmmmmmm" Okay the ommm part is a joke. but the rest of it is is said with great sincerity. Its not your fault !! You wrote "but getting $2 a week regardless whether I do it or not but getting criticized whenever I don't clean something good enough at 19 is kind of ridiculous when I could just go out and get a job." Just curious, is that really a possibility? Going out and getting a job? For some it is. For others it is not.

Okay, I am rambling on. Thanks for all the great words everyone. I just am very curious about how other people handle this. I feel so beaten up with it. Been a lot of years.

[Gabu]

It's a very remote possibility. I have literally no job experience anywhere, and every single job I apply for I never get a good response back from, or at all. I know the economy sucks, and that maybe I should go and call these businesses to increase my interviewing chances (my first and so far only one was in October of last year, though back in May there was a student employment company that really was closed when I went in for the interview. I even dressed up to what I thought was nice and everything). And I always put off calling anyway because I'm always scared I'll mess up, begin stuttering and mumbling like hell, and end up ruining any chance of getting that job. And I know that there's no chance anyway if I don't call, but, you know. I'll even start it up when I have everything I want to say written or typed in front of me.

And I need to get a job, at least by the end of the school year, because my entire family once again expects wrongly of me. This time they think I'll transfer to a four-year college when, really, I want to take a year off to gather funds (and potentially live with some friends, but that's a big if), then go to a three year technical school on drawing comics over in New Jersey. But I'm afraid of when I don't have a job and the school year more or less begins or something. I'm afraid I'll be called lazy or be kicked out or something, and would have to figure out how to effectively spend my money transporting myself for the job hunt, because I doubt my mom would let me have more to do that.

I dunno.

[notablackbarbie]

"Does anyone suffer with thinking they do most things wrong?"

YES!

[JenIsAlwaysSick]

Oh yeah. Absolutely. Every flippin day... I'm a domestically disabled stay-at-home mother... How's that for feeling like you do everything wrong?

[sunsetsunrise]

Gabu, people with challenges can have huge gifts also. But can be very misunderstood. I hope you can find some people who really recognize the good in you. Because I guarantee you its there !!! Thats my promise to you. Even if you cannot see its there. Even if your parents cannot see it, its there. You do art work. To me, thats a pretty big gift.

notablackbarbie (((((( ya, I have banged my head agaist that invisible wall for years)))

Jen, "domestically disabled" ? I cant imagine having to take care of chidlren while I am not doing well myself. It must be so hard. But I wonder if the love you feel in your heart for them, and your husband, is worth more than to them you might think?

I guess its easier for me to see the worth of others, than that of myself.

[JenIsAlwaysSick]

SunsetSunrise - I know that my family loves me very much and appreciates what I do for them, but unfortunately, I always feel like it's not enough - like I know I could do more for them if I wasn't so tired and down all the time.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/fix...e-distortions/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/619
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/722
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/733
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752

[Fuzzybear]

sorry to only now be replying to this.... I was mostly away from pc for so long, and missed so much.

I do! I always feel like I'm saying or doing the wrong thing. So mostly, I hide, avoid.

I hope no one minds me replying to this older post.... I'm sure it can help others as well as me.