[9874]

Can anyone relate?
I"ve this intense anxiety lately. Lots of stress, but I believe current stresses alone wouldn't account for the extremely high level of anxiety. (Had my first anxiety attack this week!). I believe there's lots of historical (childhood) trauma that has not been processed.
Here's a problem I'm having with regard to processing old stuff. Please bear with me, as I am referring strictly to 'feelings' and not to any deliberate intent to cause physical harm to anyone. The problem is that it is nearly impossible for me to 'remember' the visceral experience of trauma, but current situation (such as a kid screaming) definitely trigger something in me. An anxiety. I'm unable to pinpoint the historical experience that is being triggered. I am unable to articulate what it is I am experiencing, all I can say is 'I am so anxious'.
Allow me to elaborate. I was at a (birth-) family get-together and my father was having an angry interaction with my mother. This was the first time I was finally able to put words to the experience I was having, and I was able to identify that I'm feeling 'anxious, insecure, frightened,' and basically 'insecure'. This was for me a great accomplishment, to be able to provide a word to describe the experience. Seems that all these years I was feeling so overwhelmed by the experience I simply suppressed it. And now I was able to be aware of what I was feeling and label the experience.
It makes me wonder, how much more is being held inside me, how much is being suppressed, I simply don't have the words to label my experiences. For example, when a kid screams, I still am not able to access the feeling it generates in me. All I can say is that I am so highly anxious when I hear a kid scream. I wish I could access the visceral experience and label it. To connect my current triggers with historical experiences.
So, here are some situations that make me feel highly 'anxious', yet I'd like to be able to put my finger on that 'anxious' feeling and pin it to a somatic historical experience. 1. my kids fighting
2. when one kid teases another
3. when a kid keeps calling for me
4. when my kid is angry at me

If you have something to contribute, insight or feedback, I appreciate it!

[faeryduster]

Sounds like you've had too much time on your hands! I think you may be trying to analyze your condition to death! You will drive yourself crazy before dying from anxiety attack. Rethink, but try doing it w/ a T next time...get a little more perspective?

[Perna]

Yes, I would get a therapist to work with on your anxiety. I have that kind of anxiety too.

It's not all knowing where the feeling "belongs." There are built-in intensities that we're born with. You could have just been born an anxious child and one's parents didn't know to do anything about it.

I think to a certain extent everyone gets anxious in the situations you describe! I know I get anxious when I feel anything is not "in control" and that covers all your situations. I use to hate when we'd have substitute teachers in class, even through high school, because no one would be "in charge" and I am always anxious when things are threatening to go out of control because no one is in charge. I can see being anxious when a child calls you repeatedly, you're anxious you won't be able to meet his/her needs, won't be "enough" to solve the problem.

One thing that helps me a bit is to ground myself with physical surroundings and remind myself that I'm okay. My first (and only :-) panic attack came when I was sitting outside my dorm in college, bright, sunny, fall day, just beautiful day, no homework/worries yet, etc. so when it hit it puzzled me so I was able to concentrate using my curiosity about why I was anxious with no reason. I think I disappointed the anxiety attack :-) But if you can grab a piece of furniture and feel the texture of the cloth covering it, think about how the rest of the world isn't feeling anxious but is going on like nothing's wrong, etc. thoughts and physical feelings like that comfort and calm me. If I'm inside by myself I go out and watch cars going by in the street, etc.

But I would get a therapist if I were you and look a little at various things in your childhood if you wanted, get some ideas as to why you might feel frightened specifically, if you think that would help. My mother was sick all my life and died when I was 3 and there was a couple years that were uncertain for my father, 3 older brothers and me. My stepmother "sorted" us out but she was very controlling and a bit abusive even so I kind of got layers of problems on problems. I've had a whole lot of therapy and I am not as anxious, don't startle or have sudden anxious states.