[Patrick85]

Tomorrow I am seeing a team at the psychiatric hospital because I am losing MY MIND! If I can just get through tonight then maybe tomorrow they can give me some benzos and I can just take those at night so help the anxiety. I have such bad anxiety and what is scary is that I cannot tell it apart from depression. I have depression now too because of the buspar. &^%$!

How do we stop constant fears from taking over us? my parents do not deserve to have to live with a 29 year old manchild who is on disability because of his depression and asperger's. I am taking money from the government and I am not even sick, I am just like "oooh I don't want to work!" crybaby... They say that this is a legitimate thing to get disability for because I have bipolar disorder and the depression and anxiety make it so that I cannot have a stressful job. But I do not want to steal money from the government! And now I am going to the psychiatric hospital tomorrow and they are going to charge me an arm and a leg and my deductible is $5,000. So I am helpless and hopeless.

[Patrick85]

i just realized that i have intrusive and obsessive thoughts causing the anxiety. but I am bipolar and SRIs and SSRIs are out of the question along with Buspar

[kaliope]

i have really bad anxiety but the buspar works well for me. one thing i tried that worked great for the anxiety was hypnosis. two sessions and i was anxiety free for two months. it was great. check into it. otherwise i just focus on my breathing and visualize reducing my anxiety. i see a meter in my head registering a ten usually and i turn the dial down until the meter registers a four or so and this usually helps.

[chumchum]

I have been where you are so many times. I hope my advice is helpful. I learned to recall every other time I had been through something and what I did to make it through. I survived every time something happened and that helped me to feel better that I will survive it this time too. That and I pray A LOT. Many blessings to you.

[-jimi-]

You are not stealing money from the government. Disability is for people who cannot work, and mental reasons are just as legit as physical. It sounds like you internalized someone else's negative view there. Please don't do that, I've also done it in the past and it just adds to depression.

[Patrick85]

Originally Posted by jimi...

You are not stealing money from the government. Disability is for people who cannot work, and mental reasons are just as legit as physical. It sounds like you internalized someone else's negative view there. Please don't do that, I've also done it in the past and it just adds to depression.

I worked so hard to get a college degree. I spent 6 years getting a 4 year degree because I have numerous problems. I took out $40,000 in student loans and the only job that didn't get me into a tizzy was working part time as a bagger at a grocery store. And I had to quit that job after 4 months because all of the standing brought up an old disc injury I received back in high school football.

So what am I just supposed to do? My sister is a huge Republican and I am a little bit Democrat. If she sees that I need to go on disability then I am not going to hear the end of it. A therapist who I see thinks I have Asperger's and I agree because I have most of the symptoms. I can also get disability for that. But I really don't want to although I may not have much of a choice because it is so hard for me to handle my emotions and have good social skills.

[possum220]

thready,

You are not stealing money from the government. Whatever your sister says, she does not have to live the life you are living. She doesn't have to manage thing the way you do. Your sister is not a doctor. Your doctor the one who can advise you the best way move forward.

Having the sense of felling like you are losing your mind is dreadful. But if you can feel that way it means you haven't lost it.

Take Care

[redbandit]

"I worked so hard to get a college degree. I spent 6 years getting a 4 year degree because I have numerous problems. I took out $40,000 in student loans and the only job that didn't get me into a tizzy was working part time as a bagger at a grocery store. And I had to quit that job after 4 months because all of the standing brought up an old disc injury I received back in high school football."

I hear you! I also worked extremely hard for six years to get a 4 year degree. It hasn't paid off for me yet, but I'm still hopeful.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers tonight . I know how overwhelming the anxiety and guilt can be .
Hang in there, you can get through this! Good luck tomorrow with the doctors. Keep us posted

[-jimi-]

I am in lifetime debt from student loans, I came crashing down with a few months work short of my degree! So yea, I spent time in school. I haven't had a real paying job after that. I have done small jobs for money and I have volunteered. Sure waste of money but I didn't know back then I'd have a burnout and have to be on disability later on. I'm also a very typical aspie, I have no problem with things people find mentally challenging but I can't handle other stuff. Like if I had coworkers that would stress me out, if I had practical tasks that would stress me out etc. Best paying job I had was a very simple repetitive job.... The jobs in the middle... no way I could do them!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Well, that was a bit of a dig... but I know it wasn't intentional, it's just that it's exactly how I judge myself. I'm also "disabled", close to your age (27) living with my parents, and receiving income support from the Government; I know how difficult it is, dealing with the guilt, the pressure, the self-doubt, and the judgementalism. I'm not bipolar, however, "just" OCD, anxiety, and on-off depression, ... has gone on so long, I don't know if I'm even depressed anymore! xD I just try to get on with it. I've always been a miserable sod. If you want to PM, so we can complain to each-other how miserable and frustrated we are with our predicament, then I'm all for it. *smirk* Let's face it, we either complain to each-other, or to our folks. :P I dunno about your folks, but my dad has probably for-sure had enough of hearing about how my "anxiety is really bad today", "I didn't get much sleep last night", "I'm obsessing again", "I feel like crap", etc. ¬_¬