[goofy1234]

I have bipolar disorder. Every time I have gone into the hospital I have embarrassed my self in the neighborhood and don't have the courage to show my face outside. I have relocated a lot with the help of my mother. Currently I'm on disability and so I have no work to socialize. I don't practice proper hygiene cause I figure if I am not going anywhere why bother. I am 34 whole years old!
My mother helps me with extra money and I talk to her daily for 5 minutes at a time. She is the only person I can call and I'm scared when she dies. She told me to go to church to meet people. Even if I walk the mile (I don't drive) I have only mustered the courage to go two times in nearly a year. If I do leave the house the neighbors literally make fun of me. The neighbor upstairs said "get back in your house" and laughed and when I looked at him with a scowl on my face he said "oh oh" and kept laughing. Another lady in the neighborhood when I was walking to get groceries( I don't drive at all) asked me why don't you go outside. I felt threatened like I was being watched. It made me even more upset.
I have asked people in email that I have associated with in the past what do I do. One person said pray. Another person said I'm sorry. Another person said exercise and lose weight you'll get your confidence back. I know it's not my confidence I know I'm being judged.
I have a dog I do not walk regularly because my clothes are either loose or tight and I am not presenting myself well. I feel horrible because she's all I've got and I read online that keeping a dog indoors is animal abuse.
I am being brutally honest. I will never be able to "love myself". I don't know if anyone else would even live like this. I walk to the grocery store to pick up light groceries and medication that's it. I don't even take the bus. I have been avoiding my life for years and this is my last stop I can't think of moving anymore. The only reason I can afford rent is this is my mom's condo and I am only responsible for the HOA. Otherwise I could never be able to afford anything on disability and I cannot live with a roommate my habits would drive them crazy.
I am being brutally honest and hiding nothing so if I do get advice even though I'm rambling I hope it's not love yourself and go out more. I don't know what else to say or think.

[Piraeus]

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. What I do is force myself to go out. I don't like doing that. Yesterday I went to a store with my Mom. The store was so crowded I had to stay in the car.I hate crowds. I feel like people are watching me. It's the worse feeling ever. The only advice I can give is, try to focus on something else when you go out. It's difficult, but can be done.Best wishes to you.

Sincerely,

Piraeus

[Open Eyes]

((vancover))),

I am so sorry that you have found yourself so challenged like this. Welcome to PC, I hope you are finding it supportive and you are beginning to realize you are truly not alone with your challenges.

I am very sorry that your neighbors have been so rude to you too. Unfortunately, people like that just don't realize the "true" challenge of what it means to struggle with MI. However, there "are" people who actually "do" understand it and can be very supportive to where you don't feel so alone with it as you do now.

While it was courageous of you to at least "try" to go to a church twice, unfortunately just being "around" people is not always "enough", because what you need more is to be around "supportive" people to where you get "rewarded" for when you make that effort to engage and go out.

Unfortunately, the average person often just doesn't understand MI as I mentioned and they can be cruel and unsupportive, but you need to understand that it doesn't mean you deserve to continue to hide out like you have and feel like the world is just going to be too unfriendly towards you. That is not the truth, while there are people like that, there is actually MANY people who struggle like you do that actually are much more understanding and supportive.

I am sorry, because I actually do know what it is like to experience rude and unsupportive people. I have just made up my mind (and it took me a while to do so) that I am not going to run and hide, but instead keep trying and finding my way through it. YES, I run into challenges, but I know I am not alone with that, so I keep trying. Most people out in that world are to busy in their own minds with their own challenges, they are not really looking at and judging you like you feel they are. Yes, you have some crappy neighbors, well, let me tell you I have horrible neighbors myself, and they really messed my life up big time. However, I am fighting back and I keep trying "in spite of that" and I do have some challenging days.

You need to start with yourself "first" though, you need to get in that shower and begin a self care program. The answer to "why bother" is that "yes you need to bother and take on the challenge of taking care of yourself", as you do that you will feel better about yourself and that is moving forward. I know all about that "why bother" and I admit I still struggle with that from time to time myself, but I still keep trying and I know that when I do that, "I am moving forward" and it really doesn't matter what other people think because they just don't know anyway, most people are too in their own heads anyway.

Have you tried to find a therapist to work with you? Even just venturing out to get therapy is very helpful too. Have you looked to see if there are any Bipolar support groups near you? Sometimes there are, you just need to be patient and keep looking. Finding this site is a start, I am glad you found it so you have a way to connect to others that struggle with bipolar too. There actually are people who struggle but have found ways to engage life around their challenge.

(((Caring Supportive Hugs))))
OE

Hello goofy (I like your name! ),

I am in a very similar situation. I am a NEET (Not in Employment, Education, or Training) who rarely goes outside, usually only for groceries. I live with my parents and am unable to hold a job. I am about to try going to a community college, as I have tried and failed 3 times in the past (severe ADHD, anxiety, and other issues), but feel a bit more ready now. I think it will be a great way to be forced from my "comfort zone" (where one could potentially stay forever, unchanging) and get out there, with a boost to start 'living' my life.

It is never too late to go to college. And there are usually classes for many different subjects, for example if you're interested in animals, literature, technology...

If you're anxious about passing, or tests etc, you can try just sitting in on a couple classes, that way you learn the stuff but aren't graded! The greatest thing about classrooms are this: the back row.

It made it tolerable for me to attend, even with my social anxiety. No one stared at me, no one seemed to even know/care I was there! It was peaceful. A baby step in immersing myself into society.
But I failed the class. But I'm gonna try again!!

As I mentioned before, we're pretty much in the same boat. Bipolar, stuck in a rut, hate going outside...

Maybe if you find something you love, or are passionate about, just start doing that, and go from there.

For example, I love writing, and have thought about finishing and publishing a book. That would be my dream career, as I have social anxiety, and writers don't need to mingle much.

I have faith in you, that you will figure out a way to get out of this rut. It may take a while, and it may not. But I know you can do it.

By the way, if you feel you can never 'love yourself', please accept my love and the knowledge that many out there do love and care for you, even if they haven't met you yet.

It is because every human being is precious and unique. We all have our trials, and our gifts (even if we can not see the latter). Make it a challenge to find your gift, and let it blossom.

You can do it.

Take care.

[goofy1234]

Originally Posted by Piraeus

I'm sorry to hear about your problem. What I do is force myself to go out. I don't like doing that. Yesterday I went to a store with my Mom. The store was so crowded I had to stay in the car.I hate crowds. I feel like people are watching me. It's the worse feeling ever. The only advice I can give is, try to focus on something else when you go out. It's difficult, but can be done.Best wishes to you.

Sincerely,

Piraeus

Thanks I'm just finding it tough living alone and being here one whole year without a single friend. Thank you.

[goofy1234]

Originally Posted by stormjinx

Hello goofy (I like your name! ),

I am in a very similar situation. I am a NEET (Not in Employment, Education, or Training) who rarely goes outside, usually only for groceries. I live with my parents and am unable to hold a job. I am about to try going to a community college, as I have tried and failed 3 times in the past (severe ADHD, anxiety, and other issues), but feel a bit more ready now. I think it will be a great way to be forced from my "comfort zone" (where one could potentially stay forever, unchanging) and get out there, with a boost to start 'living' my life.

It is never too late to go to college. And there are usually classes for many different subjects, for example if you're interested in animals, literature, technology...

If you're anxious about passing, or tests etc, you can try just sitting in on a couple classes, that way you learn the stuff but aren't graded! The greatest thing about classrooms are this: the back row.

It made it tolerable for me to attend, even with my social anxiety. No one stared at me, no one seemed to even know/care I was there! It was peaceful. A baby step in immersing myself into society.
But I failed the class. But I'm gonna try again!!

As I mentioned before, we're pretty much in the same boat. Bipolar, stuck in a rut, hate going outside...

Maybe if you find something you love, or are passionate about, just start doing that, and go from there.

For example, I love writing, and have thought about finishing and publishing a book. That would be my dream career, as I have social anxiety, and writers don't need to mingle much.

I have faith in you, that you will figure out a way to get out of this rut. It may take a while, and it may not. But I know you can do it.

By the way, if you feel you can never 'love yourself', please accept my love and the knowledge that many out there do love and care for you, even if they haven't met you yet.

It is because every human being is precious and unique. We all have our trials, and our gifts (even if we can not see the latter). Make it a challenge to find your gift, and let it blossom.

You can do it.

Take care.

I actually have my bachelors and don't want to acquire any more student loans. But I do write at least I have before, I could not yet find a literary agent to accept my work. I realize I need to at least be social and can't just sit in the house and write that's true.

[dreamsofflight]

I'm in a similiar situation as yours so I may not have the best advice, but I hope you'll feel a little better knowing you're not alone and I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time.

I used to have bad hygeine (and some days I backslide), but it's a relatively easy way to start to make yourself feel better (there's nothing like a hot shower or bath). Could you buy yourself some nice shower gel or a new shampoo?

Do you live nearby your mom? If so or when she can visit would she be able to take you shopping? Get you some better fitting clothes?

I see someone else has mentioned taking a college class which is a good idea and something I'm working up to doing. If you can't get to school on the bus/too depressed/anxious to go, maybe you could take a class online? Check your local college's website/give admission a call.

I've also started going to NAMI peer meetings, you could check their website to see what's available in your area.It could be possible to find someone willing to give you a ride to meetings. You will meet people who know exactly how you feel and knowing you're not alone is a great thing!

Ignore the dog abuse crap and know you love your dog and play with him/her inside. I chase mine around the house and he loves it. Does your dog enjoy playing with toys?

I am so lucky to have neighbors who are nice, but I live in a small community where everyone knows everyone else and their entire families too. Even as nice as they are though I know they must think I'm weird and I worry that I embarass my parents. I'm so sorry yours are mean to you.

I hope any of this helps!

[Alone & confused]

I have no good advice for you right now because I'm bipolar and I think my "poles " are shifting in a Really bad way, but I would LOVE to take a walk with you and DARE any of your neighbors to say ONE WORD to you! I can promise you it wouldn't be nice for them! You have friends here sweetheart! We care about you!