New and Anxious

Hello - I'm new here - just joined and am glad to have found somewhere to go where I don't feel so alone. I can't afford therapy, and my family isn't much support. I've been suffering from anxiety terribly lately. We lost our home in December to a fire (we are in a new one now), and since then I feel so frightful. I especially don't like being alone. I'm a stay-at-home mom; and my husband has to work, so I'm forced to be alone all day long. I do pretty okay with it until something comes up like he has to work over or gets called out to fix a leak - he is a water/sewer operator for a town nearby. I have no idea when he'll be home when this happens, and I panic. Today there is a very bad leak he's working on, and the probability that he'll be home late after working hours is high. I've been panicking about it since last night when he had to go look at it. After I got my son on the bus I just burst into tears, terrified. Then I start getting irrational thoughts - I know they're totally irrational, but they're there and scare me even more - like what if he doesn't come home at all?? How would I pay the bills because I don't make the money?? I get myself so worked up. Panic attacks have become the norm for me now. On top of it, we have a goat who is old and not doing well. He's been laying on his side since Saturday, and my husband has to hand-feed him. I've been avoiding seeing him because I know I would get upset. But he can't starve, and if the husband's not here to feed him... And tomorrow my mom goes into the hospital for 2 or 3 days to get by-pass surgery on her leg because of circulation problems. My dad and sister are going with her. I can't because my son has school. So I just feel completely, totally alone, stuck here all by myself, and am having a hard time dealing with all this. I wish someone could just be here with me. It would help. Thanks for "listening."

Welcome, birdpumpkin. Glad you found PC. It's a great place to share and get feedback.

It's good that you know you thoughts are irrational. That's a start. I would look at getting some relaxation CDs and listen to them when you start to panic. It helped me a lot when I used to have panic attacks. Of course, I also, had a therapist, which is ideal but I understand not being able to afford it. Neither can I right now.

Check out the internet. They have some good sites about relieving panic attacks or check out the bookstore or library for books on anxiety.

I can understand why you would be upset about your poor goat. Have you considered euthenasia. I know it's hard to do, I've been there with a couple of dogs I had that got so bad they wouldn't eat. It was sad but at least they were out of their misery.

Sorry to hear your Mom is going to have surgery and you can't be there. I would feel stuck myself if I were you. But under the situation you will just have to work on your anxiety alone, which is not easy but can be done. Also, now you have PC to post on and talk to other people, that should help some. Post whenever you need to.

Best wishes. Gayle

i cant affort therapy so I am trying guided meditation to let ansiety far of my mind.
Reading is for me the best way to try to keep calm although Sometimes it does not works.
Sorry about your goat and your mom. I wish you all the best.

Thanks for the suggestions Gayle. My husband has mentioned euthanasia for our goat but he hasn't acted upon anything yet. It's hard for me with him being gone knowing he's out there in the shape he's in. I pretty much leave the goat for my husband to deal with while I tend the cat and 2 parakeets. It kills me to think of him just laying out there, though, not able to move. He's still eating a bit when my husband hand-feeds him. I just worry about my husband being very late and him out there laying hungry. I don't like being here alone with him in his condition when I'm pretty much helpless to do anything. It spikes my anxiety about my husband working late even more. Just feels like everything is falling all at once. I suppose I'll just have to try to do this alone as usual... It does help getting online. It distracts me throughout the day here and there. TV and PC were 2 things we bought early on with donations from our fire. They help.

When my husband goes to work and i know i am alone, the anxiety starts. Pc and my kobo ereader are the only two things that make me feel a litle bit confortable. Reading is an escape for me

I read a lot, too, lizzyjb. In fact, going to go read shortly to try to pass a little time before my son is home from school. I get so anxious being alone, too. I used to love my alone time before the fire. Now it terrifies me, and when it's for an uncertain amount of time I panic, like today. I haven't heard from my husband today at all, and he usually calls around noon. It's just after 2 PM. I suppose still busy with the leak he's working on today. Just want him to be back home. Thanks also about our goat and mom. My husband is the caretaker of our goat, and I'm so worried not knowing how long he'll be gone today and the goat needing his care. All our goat can do now is just lay there and maybe reach some food with his mouth. Otherwise my husband has been giving him food when he returns from work by hand. I'm afraid he's laying there hungry, and I can't help him. I haven't seen him since Friday when he was last up and about. He took a turn Saturday when my husband went out and thought he was dead. He hasn't been on his feet since. My husband turns him and moves him around. I just can't do that. I'm not strong enough emotionally or physically. I'm not so worried about mom - I'm sure things will be fine. She's been needing this surgery and will hopefully make her feel better and able to walk with no pain. It's just that with this going on with our goat and my husband's work and my whole family gone tomorrow, I feel extremely alone and scared. It's just adding to my extreme anxiety today.

I am not much help for anxiety as I am trying to understand it all myself, however I raised goats for many years growing up and will continue to do so after college.

Try to get him a Vitamin B complex shot. You can't overdose it and I'm not sure what the correct dosage is, but it'll get him on his feet if he's got some fight in him!

Good luck!

My mother had heart reconstruction surgery three years ago. It was so hard for all the family. Two days after Xmats. My worst one. I understand how you feel.
And about your goat something like this happened with my dog several times. i scared of driving. Simply i cant. My dog have some back problems so sometimes the pain is so strong and She does not move. Only my husband can take her to the vet because is in another town and i cant drive out of my own litle town. So i know how you feel but web can't let your anxiety stop our lives. Just breath and have a little look. Or have you got any neighbourgh who can help you and look At your goat?

Thank you GSFarm. I'll suggest it to my husband. He's 13, though. We're fearing he's just old and near the end. Has had arthritis in his front leg for awhile and noticed his back legs seemed stiffer recently. He's still eating a bit, so we're just not sure what's going on really. My husband thought for sure he wouldn't make it through the night Saturday, but he was alive the next day. Wish we could get him to a vet but so little money right now and no trailer to take him. I think they make house calls for farm animals, but the door to the pen doesn't open and you have to climb over the top - I know, things are just a mess. Like I said, though, I'll mention it. If he's okay otherwise would be worth a try. I'm too afraid to look at him just laying there - I know I'd panic.

That would be rough to go through such a serious surgery right after Christmas lizzyjb. I hope she's okay now. My dad had open-heart surgery several years ago; and it was very scary, but he's doing well now. Plays golf all the time. Just has to watch lifting and things. I'm scared of driving, too. I only drive locally, and I've never attempted a new bridge nearby since it was built because it's busier. I want to try with someone with me eventually. But I won't leave the area here. Both my neighbors are at work all day - the men. There are some local farmers but don't know them well enough. I'd feel I was bothering them. Just kind of leaving him for my husband to deal with but wish I could do something. I always went out and visited him every evening a few minutes but haven't since this has happened.