[taylormade2]

It was suggested to me that I create a post here to reach out. I'm at a very vulnerable point in my life and I'm scared.
I gave birth to my son on February 6th, shortly after I hemmoraged, losing 5 units of bloods. Since then I have experienced alot of really scary things.
I can see and hear the nurses regularly at my house. I feel them touch me. I still see and feel my IVs. I can feel myself bleeding. I have horrible thoughts telling me they should have let me bleed, that I'm a terrible mother, that people only care about my children, not me. I regularly re experience everything I went through. I was on zoloft for 2 months, but pulled myself off it because it freaked out my family and just made my depression symptoms worse, but since then I've been on a steady decline. My husband is extremely concerned as Monday night I woke up screaming from nightmares then after calming down I informed him we needed to go to the hospital because I was bleeding. But I was sitting in a nonexistent pool of blood. He's afraid its starting to impact my ability to care for our children. I space out on him alot and even when I try to distract myself I'm just not there mentally. I have such a hard time vocalizing this that I've backed out on multiple psychologist appointments because the fear of speaking about it is overwhelming. I'm afraid to see my family, meet new people, go out in crowds. Every little thing startles me.
I'm contemplating going to the emergency room. I had suicidal thoughts before being put on Zoloft and I'm afraid I may reach that point again. Has anyone else experienced a hospital visit for issues like this? I don't know what to expect. I'm afraid of the hospital, and, nurses, and doctors, but the fear of not seeking help is starting to outweigh that. Please help me.

[Road_to_recovery]

I'm by no means a qualified mental health professional but from reading your post I immediately think postpartum depression or possibly postpartum psychosis. It also sounds like you are dealing with PTSD from your very scary experience. I hope this doesn't discouraged you in any way. I really hope you can get the strength to reach out. It has to be very scary to live that way.

When my daughter was 8 months old I was suffering from paranoia, mostly due to lack of sleep. It was so bad that the night before got my meds I was paralyzed with the fear that terrorists had hacked my cell phone.

I hope that you can get help and that you have a good support network. You can private message me anytime if you need a non judgmental, objective person to just listen to you

[SoupDragon]

I hope you can make it to the ER, it sounds like you have been through some really traumatic experiences and I can understand how that can feel really scary.

Take care - Soup

[eeyorestail]

I hope you made it to the ER okay. I don't have personal experience with what you are going through, but I do know that it happens to a lot of people. Please hang in there and know we are here to support you.

[detachedangst]

I also have a hard time expressing myself to the professionals we are supposed to be able to talk to. Could you consider making another appointment and simply showing them this post? It is something I have thought about, but have not had the guts to do. Instead my husband will come sometimes and give his perspective. Good luck darlin'. I have found the people here to be understanding and helpful. Don't hesitate to come back

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[chlo-bo19]

Go to the ER, they will be able to get you some help and you can over come things!

[Mustkeepjob32]

It sounds like a form a PTSD. The hemorrhage was traumatic for you and you are living the aftereffects of that trauma. I hope you get the help that you need.

[pinkypie4]

I went to the er the day they released me from the hospital with my baby last year for feeling suicidal. You sound like you could have so many things like postpartum depression and anxiety. Maybe ptsd. Please get help! You just went through a heck of an experience. Postpartum illnesses can happen all the way past the first year of your babies life! It's real. There is help and hope for you. It will be ok. If you come back here I found the website postpartum progress more helpful then anything on the internet for postpartum issues! They are so informative.