Stressing

Bills are one of my triggers. It's funny - I didn't used to even pay attention to them and left everything up to my husband; but the fear from ptsd has had me paying more attention the last few months or so, and they're a big cause of my anxiety now. So my husband took half a day off work yesterday to go pay the tax on his truck. I went with him. While there he asked about our property tax - or real estate - I'm not sure. I don't know much about any of this. We hadn't paid 2013's yet. So they gave him a printout of what we owe. My dad says the deadline was April, and our names will be printed in the paper for not having paid it yet if we don't pay it soon. It's not a totally grand amount, and we have money now to pay half of it. The thing is, my husband still doesn't seem adamant about paying it soon. I'm wanting to get it paid right away and am totally stressing about it and what-if-ing things like what if they take our house away, etc. Dad didn't help by saying they'd have it up for sale on the courthouse steps, but I think they give you at least a couple years. But that sent waves of panic through me and has just had me a wreck inside since. We just got this house a few months ago - lost the other from fire. I'm not ready to lose another one!! I'm willing to take this first half of the payment to the courthouse while my husband is at work. It bothers me that he doesn't seem in a hurry to get this paid. I don't want to completely take over the bills and the money he works for and feel I'm being bossy, but this feels important to me. I'm just not sure how to handle this and want it done and out of the way.

Hi, birdpumpkin. Bills trigger me, too, and I'm to one who has to pay them. I can understand your worry about not paying on the house taxes. That would freak me out, too. Maybe your husband is trying to wait until he can pay it in full. Whatever, he is thinking needs to listen to your fears. Tell him it would make you feel better if he paid the half, because it is causing you stress at this time. And we all know stress is not good if you are dealing with mental illness, too. Try to tell him how upset it makes you and hopefully he will listen to your need to get this paid.

Good luck

Well, I'm always dealing with my husband delay. Always letting it to the last minute. And my anxiety can't deal with that so several years ago I started to pay bills, taxes and control bank account. Maybe a lot of work but now I sleep better because I know that bills and taxes are payed on time.
My dad always says if you want a thing well done, you should do it by yourself.
But if you can't, you should tell him about your fears. I think it's necessary a good comunications between us, and maybe sometimes he doesn't understand what I fear but he tries so hard not to make me feel worse.

My husband always does the same thing, too, and we end up with late payment charges sometimes. Since I've started paying attention, I've been trying to make sure the bills are paid soon after we get them, so we've been doing better. We're so late with this one because he said the assessor told him to hold off on it after our fire (I don't know why), but we never did hear anything back from them. I think it's best to just go ahead and pay it. We have the half, like I said; and I was going to take that today or tomorrow, but I talked with him on the phone while he was at work, and he said we could just go ahead and pay the whole tax Friday as he gets his check that day. He'll cash his check sometime, and I'll stop in at his work and get the money and go to the courthouse to pay the whole thing. I'm still stressing, though. I don't like it looming over my head and just want it paid and out of the way. Your dad is right lizzyjb. I've regretted things many times because I just didn't deal with them myself. I don't want to completely take over everything, but I'm more active now in making sure I know what's going on, how much money we actually have throughout the week, and getting paid what we can. There's no reason to be behind on a bill if we have the money for it when it comes in. Stress is definitely not good when you're already dealing with something like ptsd, and it seems it just doesn't end. There are no breaks. From getting our house finally, which I didn't think I'd survive through seriously, to now dealing with bills and my husband's phone ringing after he's home, getting called out. I don't like being alone anymore, and that's a big trigger for me, too. But it's been happening so much lately. I don't know how I can heal with the continuing stress.

I just want to comment that it is a very good idea for ALL wives to be aware of bills, payments and you and your husband's financial situation. You need to know about it because if anything ever happens, you don't want to be left in the dark and be vulnerable to others, like bankers or mortgage companies, etc. 'If anything every happens' can include such things as divorce or sudden illness or death. I certainly do not want to add more stress or worry anyone, but this is the year 2014 and women need to be AWARE and have a say in control of their financial situation, as half of it is yours! Do not be like the old-fashioned women of the '40's or '50's who let their husbands handle everything that had to do with spending money, some even included husbands doing all the grocery shopping. I still see that sometimes and it upsets me. Women are not dumb, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen anymore!

Try to learn as much as you can about these issues when it is not stressful for you. Maybe even just learn about one issue each week, such as car insurance for example. Thanks for your attention.

You're right PrairieCat. Unfortunately it took a tragedy (lost everything to fire) and ptsd to get me to realize this, but you don't have to be old for your husband to die or for something to happen suddenly and you're left on your own. That's another one of my fears, and right now I don't know if I could handle things on my own because I know nothing about things such as car insurance - or how to fix a flat tire or anything car related for that matter. It seems that men die before women more often, so there are usually plenty women who end up being widows. I'd never thought about it before, but what did my mom do when my dad had open heart surgery and was off work for awhile?? It must've been hard. It's scary, but things happen. My eyes are SO open to this now. I'm stressing about all this, but it's because I want to be prepared. I don't want to be caught off-guard again. People are telling me to stop worrying because you don't know the future or what will happen. That's true. But to be prepared for it would help.