[celtic.starlite]

So my T picked up on my fear of being wrong but wasn't really saying anything yet. However, I realized how horrible my fear is the other day and I told T and she said I am right that it is bad. I don't think she has diagnosed me with atychiphobia yet, but she is definitely paying attention to it. I get frustrated and scared I'll answer wrong, when she gives me homework. I'm afraid to look for a new job or take a new job because I'm afraid I'll do it wrong. I'm afraid to apply for college because I'll do something wrong. I even avoid certain places where there is a potential I could do something wrong. I worry about saying the wrong things. I know this is all irrational but I can't stop it and I think it is getting worse.
Does anyone else suffer from this? What do you find helpful?

Celtic

[Travelinglady]

Maybe a fellow sufferer will show up soon.

[possum220]

I am a little bit of a perfectionist at times. Making mistakes is a part of life. It is how we learn. If you didn't make mistakes you wouldn't be human. Some-one gave me directions to a place today and I got lost. I was very frustrated but half an hour later I did end up to where wanted to be.

Hopefully next time I wont get lost. (Maybe third time lucky).

My fear is heights. I hate being off the ground.

You can't get your homework wrong because it's your home work. You can say anything you want to.

I do hope you and your T can work out how to deal with what is a very debilitating issue. Sending warm thought your way.

[Sober Man]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

So my T picked up on my fear of being wrong but wasn't really saying anything yet. However, I realized how horrible my fear is the other day and I told T and she said I am right that it is bad. I don't think she has diagnosed me with atychiphobia yet, but she is definitely paying attention to it. I get frustrated and scared I'll answer wrong, when she gives me homework. I'm afraid to look for a new job or take a new job because I'm afraid I'll do it wrong. I'm afraid to apply for college because I'll do something wrong. I even avoid certain places where there is a potential I could do something wrong. I worry about saying the wrong things. I know this is all irrational but I can't stop it and I think it is getting worse.
Does anyone else suffer from this? What do you find helpful?

Celtic

Why are you scared of being wrong? This quote has helped me in the past.

"People who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter!"

[PrairieCat]

Yessss! "People who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter!"

Oh, that is so very true. It took me until I was in my 60's to finally not care what people think about me. I wish it had been much earlier because I could not truly be myself for most of my life. If you can work on getting there, where it does not matter to you, you will feel as if you have been set free as a bird!

Why does it matter what someone else thinks of you? What is the worst thing that can happen, such as: Maybe people will surround you and point at you and laugh? What would happen then? Who are they and do they really matter? These are words from an old therapist of mine. Sure hope it helps.
Big Hug

[summerblueskies]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

So my T picked up on my fear of being wrong but wasn't really saying anything yet. However, I realized how horrible my fear is the other day and I told T and she said I am right that it is bad. I don't think she has diagnosed me with atychiphobia yet, but she is definitely paying attention to it. I get frustrated and scared I'll answer wrong, when she gives me homework. I'm afraid to look for a new job or take a new job because I'm afraid I'll do it wrong. I'm afraid to apply for college because I'll do something wrong. I even avoid certain places where there is a potential I could do something wrong. I worry about saying the wrong things. I know this is all irrational but I can't stop it and I think it is getting worse.
Does anyone else suffer from this? What do you find helpful?

Celtic

I can relate to feeling like that too. I grew up with a dad who can be very critical. He would
ask a question and expect a specific response that perfectly answered the question without extraneous information. I usually failed at this and to this day I dislike being asked questions. I usually dont offer information unless im absolutely sure its correct too :/

[celtic.starlite]

Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately, my current T is leaving and I just found out who my new T will be..... so the journey will be starting all over.

My current T had asked me why I thought I am so afraid of being wrong. The only thing I could come up with was because my Mom would get angry if I had anything under in A in school, so maybe it stems from that? However, now I also realize it could stem from my dad. It didn't matter if I was right he always told me I was wrong and then that lead to some not so good stuff.
I'm scared to be wrong. I can admit when I am wrong, but it scares me. Like I feel something bad is going to happen if I'm wrong, or I'll disappoint someone if I'm wrong. I will do a ton of research to find the right answers when I can.
Thanks again.

Celtic

[Bristol Chris]

Hi
Yes I think I have that. I have a massive fear of making mistakes. Sometimes I will get paralysed with fear and will be unable to do things that I like because I am afraid of doing them wrong. I was bullied all throughout school and didn't have the most supportive dad so I think that has made me like it.

[Verity81]

My therapist would encourage you to do things wrong on purpose! They don't have to be big things like for instance, in a shop give the cashier the wrong money, then say whoops sorry and hand over the correct money, briefly talk too loud on your phone in a museum or library, call a wrong number....expose yourself to the feeling of shame, will you survive it? Of course.
Thing is when we strive for perfection in everything we set ourselves up to fail every time, who do you know who is perfect? Why set yourself standards that no one on earth can live up too?
So my advice as 'wrong' as it may sound is go and f**k a few things up and learn your still standing after. Apologies for the cursing, I'm far from perfect

[WantToGrow]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately, my current T is leaving and I just found out who my new T will be..... so the journey will be starting all over.

My current T had asked me why I thought I am so afraid of being wrong. The only thing I could come up with was because my Mom would get angry if I had anything under in A in school, so maybe it stems from that? However, now I also realize it could stem from my dad. It didn't matter if I was right he always told me I was wrong and then that lead to some not so good stuff.
I'm scared to be wrong. I can admit when I am wrong, but it scares me. Like I feel something bad is going to happen if I'm wrong, or I'll disappoint someone if I'm wrong. I will do a ton of research to find the right answers when I can.
Thanks again.

Celtic

I am like you this way. I do think the critical parent is part of the problem. My dad was a physician, and everyone in the family was smart. They never questioned how our homework was going, never showed interest in our schooling, never acknowledged A's, because that was what you were supposed to do. But, if you got a C, wow, what's your excuse?! I remember getting a C in 7th grade social studies because I really hated the class, but I got the "too bad, do better" talk. Meanwhile, we weren't supposed to draw attention to ourselves, and I got the message that bragging was a big no no.

I became bulimic as a teenager. I was fat until 10th grade, a shy wallflower, and then lost a lot of weight through bulimia. I have the same kinds of fears of putting myself out there because I don't think I'm as good as others and don't deserve attention. I avoid social contact, especially with people I perceive as authorities in areas I am interested in, put them on a pedestal, and am awkward and bumbling around them.

If I can't do things perfectly, then I tend to not want to do them at all. I procrastinate. The fear has run my life. I joke that I'd like to have a lobotomy so that I wouldn't have to be aware of my imperfections, personality flaws, fears. A brain transplant would be nice.

Obviously, none of the therapy I ever experienced did anything to change this deep-seated pattern. It is not as simple as repeating "who cares." I wish it was! If there is a type of therapy that works better for this pattern, please let me know!

[celtic.starlite]

Originally Posted by Verity81

My therapist would encourage you to do things wrong on purpose! They don't have to be big things like for instance, in a shop give the cashier the wrong money, then say whoops sorry and hand over the correct money, briefly talk too loud on your phone in a museum or library, call a wrong number....expose yourself to the feeling of shame, will you survive it? Of course.
Thing is when we strive for perfection in everything we set ourselves up to fail every time, who do you know who is perfect? Why set yourself standards that no one on earth can live up too?
So my advice as 'wrong' as it may sound is go and f**k a few things up and learn your still standing after. Apologies for the cursing, I'm far from perfect

I know we are all far from perfect, and I know I will make mistakes.... but I think I'd go crazy if my T told me to purposefully do things wrong. Just reading it made me anxious.
Thank you for the suggestion.... maybe I can try at some point. :-/

Celtic