[Sober Man]

Hello all.

I have been sober for almost a year. I entered an in house rehab facility for prescription drugs (benzos) and alcohol. After extensive counseling I learned I drank because of my fear of not being in control of others. My wife and mother have always fought and it drove me to drinking to cover up the anxiety that came from their encounters. I pushed my parents away for almost a year and my life has been wonderful until a week ago. We have 2 small children and it wasn't fair for them to not see their grandparents because of what I'm not able to handle. We decided to let them go to my grandparent's house almost 5 hours away. They are currently there and my anxiety has returned to the levels they were at just before I turned to alcohol and xanex. I have forgotten a lot of the counselor's advice about how to deal with this issue. I fear something will happen and my wife and mother will have another blow up. I have developed the habit of waking up at 2-3am everymorning with negative thoughts and an upset stomach which makes my entire day miserable. I feel much better by afternoon though.

My question is, why do I let my wife's mood effect my mood? Why do I fear her being in a bad mood so much? It's not the end of the world but I can't get this into my head. I can handle all other stress with no issues but lately all I want to do is drink the anxiety away but I know that only makes it worse.

Any help out there? I get the kids back this weekend and I'm assuming all my worries will vanish as soon as I put them in my car and head back home but I don't want to ruin all I've worked for being sober for something so terribly absurd.

[regretful]

Not sure if you're a proponent of AA/NA, but it certainly sounds like getting to a meeting would probably help you. If you can remember the counselor, then search diligently and exhaustively for that advice on how to deal with the issue. And perhaps you can post this same question in the Addictions section where there will likely be many answers to your dilemma. Best to you...and one of the things that I would say to people in recovery was "remember, like all other things, this too shall pass"...

[Sober Man]

Originally Posted by regretful

Not sure if you're a proponent of AA/NA, but it certainly sounds like getting to a meeting would probably help you. If you can remember the counselor, then search diligently and exhaustively for that advice on how to deal with the issue. And perhaps you can post this same question in the Addictions section where there will likely be many answers to your dilemma. Best to you...and one of the things that I would say to people in recovery was "remember, like all other things, this too shall pass"...

I'm not a huge believer in AA for my own personal reasons. I'm not knocking it at all but I think AA is for those who need to white knuckle it. I've had excellent counseling but those counselors have since left. I guess I just need to talk to somebody. Since joining here I've used my knowledge to help others and it's helped a ton. Service work is always a great way to deal with anxiety. Thanks for the reply.

[winter4me]

Do call someone, a counselor, (or try a meeting as suggested above)---your feelings are your feelings, they are not, in themselves right or wrong, it is what you do with them that matters---and it is VERY easy to forget coping skills under stress & do things we regret later. Today and tomorrow will pass even if you do Nothing. ----but find a hand to help you over that gap...

[Sober Man]

Originally Posted by winter4me

Do call someone, a counselor, (or try a meeting as suggested above)---your feelings are your feelings, they are not, in themselves right or wrong, it is what you do with them that matters---and it is VERY easy to forget coping skills under stress & do things we regret later. Today and tomorrow will pass even if you do Nothing. ----but find a hand to help you over that gap...

Thanks for the reply. I have only started to romanticise the thought of drinking..I'm not about to go buy some and hit the bottle again. With my personality I need to figure what is making this happen again and I suppose I'm hoping a reply will trigger what helped me in the past. Just by joining this page and helping others, I feel a great deal better. Thanks again.

[dwfieldjr]

Do muscle tense and relax. Sometimes that helps me when my anxiety hits.

[dwfieldjr]

How are you feeling this morning

[Sober Man]

Originally Posted by dwfieldjr

How are you feeling this morning

I woke up feeling a bit anxious but it seems to be slowly getting better. I actually slept until my alarm went off so I didn't have time to get my thoughts in order. I'm typically up a few hours before it goes off so I just lay there and put the negative feelings behind me before I start my day. How about you?

[dwfieldjr]

Pretty good I'm sweaty right now from working.

[thickntired]

Hi Sober Man. I often feel overwhelmed and anxious now that I'm sober. My pdoc recommended this book to help take the edge off Au natural.

http://www.randomhouse.com/book/8914...jon-kabat-zinn

[scooterb]

Dear Sober Man,

I've been in AA for over 15 years and have not had a drink in all that time. However, I am working with my Psychiatrist to titrate off of Xanax and another benzodiazapine which I have been prescribed consistantly for 27 years. When I have stress - especially stress that is reoccurring, my first thought is to reach for a benzo. Lately I've also had thoughts of how nice a glass of wine would feel. To be numbed out a little so I could relax or feel better about myself and my life.
If I didn't have AA, Pills Anonymous, a great Sponsor, a therapist and a Psychiatrist that listen to my HONEST struggles with staying sober and taking my medication as directed I don't know what or where I would be.
Perhaps a support system would really help. I'm so glad you have a year sober - but please don't try and go it alone. Going in to a residential program gave you a foundation but also protected you from "living life on life's terms."
Hope I don't sound preachy...but sounds like we are facing a lot of the same challenges.
Please let me know if I can help.

[Sober Man]

Originally Posted by scooterb

Dear Sober Man,

I've been in AA for over 15 years and have not had a drink in all that time. However, I am working with my Psychiatrist to titrate off of Xanax and another benzodiazapine which I have been prescribed consistantly for 27 years. When I have stress - especially stress that is reoccurring, my first thought is to reach for a benzo. Lately I've also had thoughts of how nice a glass of wine would feel. To be numbed out a little so I could relax or feel better about myself and my life.
If I didn't have AA, Pills Anonymous, a great Sponsor, a therapist and a Psychiatrist that listen to my HONEST struggles with staying sober and taking my medication as directed I don't know what or where I would be.
Perhaps a support system would really help. I'm so glad you have a year sober - but please don't try and go it alone. Going in to a residential program gave you a foundation but also protected you from "living life on life's terms."
Hope I don't sound preachy...but sounds like we are facing a lot of the same challenges.
Please let me know if I can help.

Thanks Scooter. The way I view this is that I've won this battle before so there is no reason why I can't do it again. I've figured out why I drank and took all those benzos for 15 years so I just have to rely on my coping skills to overcome it. Benzos are the devil and so is my doctor who prescribed them to me for that long. I went to detox for 6 days because of my benzo addiction. I'm much better now. Thanks for the response.